To tell colleague to butt out over pronounciation issue?

[frustratedpomegranate]

Colleague A started in our team around 3 years ago. She has an uncommon first name and we asked her at the start how to pronounce it and she told us. I've heard her on the phone and interacting with other staff hundreds of times and we say it the same way she does.

Colleague B started about four months ago and when introduced to A, she said 'isn't your name pronounced XYZ'. Colleague A said no, she says pronounces it ABC. B said she knew someone else with A's name and insisted it was XYZ.

B continues to pronounce A's name the way she thinks it should be (its quite different to what the rest of us are saying) and frequently corrects the rest of us when referring to A. We have spoken to A about it but she's very non confrontational and says she doesn't mind B's insistence and doesn't want to speak to her about it. B has quite an aggressive personality and has been prone to outbursts in the office a few times in the short while she's been with us so nobody is really sure what to do.

I'm imagining being the line manager here let alone the HR department. A doesn't want to complain about B but people here are insisting you should anyway.

It is nothing to do with anyone else and nothing will be done. Even if A wanted to make a deal of it nothing would be done unless B was pronouncing the name Doris as Dogshit.

Just continue to pronounce A's name correctly especially in B's earshot.

Because A has said she doesn't mind B correcting everyone.

Who on earth genuinely would not mind someone going around telling everybody you do not know how to pronounce your own name?
A is just afraid of the workplace bully.

But if the bully insists you all do like her and you agree and say nothing, you're not much better. Tell B that she is wrong every time she insists. It's A's name, A knows how it's said.

@TheMissingMango

I'm petty, so I'd purposely pronounce colleague b's name wrong.

This.

I'd correct B everytime she corrected me too. While pronouncing her name wrong.

"Kieran - I pronounce Kee-ran, dh Kia (as in the car)-ran. That’s the same name but local/personal dialect/way of talking. So if it’s this, person B is not being unreasonable."

Well of course B is unreasonable as she has been told by A that it is the incorrect way of saying A's name!

@Cattenberg

It took me ages to realize Meredith was, at least where the name comes from, wasn't MARE-red-ith but M=RED-ITH. Like both of them.

Report to B's line manager that she has become aggressive, with an odd insistence that everyone should mispronounced A's name, which you feel is disrupting workplace harmony. Mention the outbursts too. Ideally have a colleague or two report in their own words things they have seen. Let the manager sort her out or use it as part of dismissal proceedings if she's causing other bother.

@diddl

"Kieran - I pronounce Kee-ran, dh Kia (as in the car)-ran. That’s the same name but local/personal dialect/way of talking. So if it’s this, person B is not being unreasonable."

Well of course B is unreasonable as she has been told by A that it is the incorrect way of saying A's name!

Not if she saying the same name, but with her own twang/way of speaking. As I said in the first part of my post, which you chose to not quote - Mia can be 2 different names, Kieran is one name. So if it’s the Mia scenario that’s rude, if it’s the Kieran scenario that’s not rude.

Because A has said she doesn't mind B correcting everyone.

So what’s the point of the post? Ultimately you are unwilling to do anything so why post at all?

Because A has said she doesn't mind B correcting everyone.

Does she really or does she just not want to be seen as a troublemaker? Or possibly even intimidated by B?

I'd just re-correct B every time she said it to me "A told me her name is XXX so I'll go with that thanks"

@Namechangehereandnow - I used to work with an Irish Ciaran pronounced kir-awn. Ending like prawn. He would disagree with you very strongly that it's "not rude" to pronounce his name differently. Just use people's own name pronunciation please, it's not hard.

We work with a woman called Lucia. She pronounces it like Lucy with the a on the end pronounced as in apple

I had no idea how many ways there are to say Lucia and every time someone says it differently she corrects them and yet they still do it, as if they have a mental block.

Just ignore B.
You: so today ‘my-a’ and I are doing..
B: you mean ‘me-ah’
You: as I was saying, we are going to finalise …

@WouldIwasShookspeared

I'd keep saying I think A knows how to pronounce her own name and you should be careful you don't come across as bullying.

I think this is a good response.

I would also tell my line manager about this issue and say it is causing ongoing uncomfortable conversations.

I think there's a difference betweeen someone not minding that others pronounce their name wrong to some extent and people pronouncing it wrong to take it upon themselves to correct everyone else.

A doesn't mind the wrong pronounciation by B. Probably quite used to it and judges B in silence. However, I think you can mind being told off for pronouncing A's name like she does herself and can only deal with that element of it.

That being said, some people simply cannot tell they're pronouncing it wrong, they just don't hear the same thing others hear when someone says their name. A bit like people seeing a colour calling it blue while others call it green.

Some pronunciations are difficult and especially for me it can take a while to sink in for unusual names, but it is rude not to pronounce the way the name holder uses their name, the example above blaming local dialect is a poor excuse.

I am working on a project just now and in zoom calls with two men one called Renier and the other called Reinier - they are pronounced differently so I need to get it right when addressing them so the right person replies. I have their names on a piece of paper on the wall with their pronunciations and screen grabs of their faces. 6 months into the project I still need to look at it to get it right 🤦‍♀️ I am meeting them face to face in Glasgow next month, now idea how I will remember without my cheat sheet! 🤣

I'd be taking this to either your line manager, or her's. The outbursts are unacceptable behaviour. She's aggressive and intimidating. It isn't fostering a good working relationship, or atmosphere.

I work with someone who does this. It’s almost like a little power game: “I will pronounce your name wrong and you will have to put up with it”. She has form for bullying but fortunately the people she does this to just see her for the rather sad and bitter person she is.

"So if it’s the Mia scenario that’s rude, if it’s the Kieran scenario that’s not rude."

Sorry yes I hadn't read your post properly.

If you're saying "Kieran" but your accent makes it sound different then there's not much you can do about that.

Kieran - I pronounce Kee-ran, dh Kia (as in the car)-ran.

@Namechangehereandnow So you think your pronunciation should trump that of the actual owner of the name, based on what you feel is the correct pronunciation? I’ve known several Sians, all bar one of whom have pronounced their name “Shaan”. One, however, pronounces it “Si-an”. Should I tell her she’s wrong?

Someone needs to inform B that it's a form of micro aggression

Why? OP hasn't mentioned wanting to sound like a pretentious twat.

I'm petty, so I'd purposely pronounce colleague b's name wrong.

This. Every fucking time. Don't forget to correct B when she says her name wrong :-)

B is a bully, would she like it if you start calling her a different name?
I have an unusual name and I correct ppl especially when they spell it incorrectly in an email that my name is on!

As someone else pointed out, reporting this might make it look like A did it
Well, tell B that you are going to report them. Next time they correct how you pronounce it, tell them you're pronouncing her name properly. Add that they may not be aware but deliberately mispronouncing someone's name can be viewed as bullying and racism. And if they continue to do it, you'll raise it with their line manager.
Either this matters enough to you to report it, or it doesn't. There's no need to be anonymous though.

‘Surely you can’t be serious…’
‘I’ve told you not to call me Shirley!’

B is being a jerk. Even if A's pronunciation of her name is 'strange' and not the usual pronunciation, B's behaviour is much stranger. Imagine correcting someone on the pronunciation of their own name! If B corrected me or others on the pronunciation, I'd repeat, blandly but matter-of-factly, 'But that's not how A pronounces it.' Then carry on.

B sounds like a bossy trouble-maker. I'd be hoping she was let go soon!

OK, here’s the original.
Shirley calling B Surely will make the point? 😉