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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking her to leave the cat with us....

129 replies

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 10:55

My next door but one neighbour is about to finally move out, after about 5 months virtually living with boyfriend, but coming to and fro the apartment (I am in a house next door to the little block).

She has/had two cats. A black one, probably less than a year old, that has been left in the apartment mostly all of the time; and an older one who has always roamed the complex and back road and who has been in my house a lot, comes onto the garden (catches rodents but not birds strangely) and has virtually adopted my friend who also lives in the apartments. It seemed that he was effectively left behind and we have cared for him with all kinds of food (he became very underweight and scruffy at first but now his coat is like silk [maybe we should all eat cat food!], he has a mix of some dried and some wet, and has really improved since we added the pouch food.

He is nicely looked after by us jointly - and now allowed to stay in overnight (previously, not - and mainly his choice - he is very nocturnal). He waits for my friend to come home, and he also seems to know when I will go round but sometimes totally indfferent and stays in one of his many beds/spots. For example, last night, I had my Saturday pizza with the plate resting (lightly) on his head. He will not get off my lap until I tip him off....

Please suggest any way I persuade her to leave him with us. She and I are not especially friendly (due to anothe nasty neighbour - now gone- influence) but I have never said a nasty thing to or about her or her little boy, and she knows what the cat has been doing. But now, her actual move out is imminent, and I have heard (from another neighbour) that she plans to take him...... He was not happy in her home before, as he seems to like quiet, and she has a big boisterous dog and a (I think) 6 year old - and of course the other cat..... I would not criticise any of this - but I really want to plead with her to leave him with us, where he is doing so well, and is such a help to my need to look after something.

He keeps his opinion to himself when I play the piano..... but that eye speaks volumes

OP posts:

Dillydollydingdong · 20/02/2022 11:00

All you can do is ask! She might be pleased to leave one of her cats behind. Cats do like to decide for themselves where they're going to live, so maybe if she's not moving too far away he would come back anyway.

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 11:11

@Dillydollydingdong

That is what I hope, if she refuses - but I would pefer he not have to go through the upset of a move. They are not far I believe, but I don't actually know precisely where, and there is certainly one busy road in between

OP posts:

CaptainMerica · 20/02/2022 11:11

Are you going to take full ownership of cat? Get its chip transferred to you, pay pet insurance, take responsibility when it is older and has health needs? Take it with you if you move house?

The way you describe it sounds like a romanticised notion of the cat fending for itself between various neighbours, which isn't fair.

If you want to do all of the above, then offer the owner £100 for her cat and see what she says.

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 11:14

@CaptainMerica

Are you going to take full ownership of cat? Get its chip transferred to you, pay pet insurance, take responsibility when it is older and has health needs? Take it with you if you move house?

The way you describe it sounds like a romanticised notion of the cat fending for itself between various neighbours, which isn't fair.

If you want to do all of the above, then offer the owner £100 for her cat and see what she says.

Yes, I am/we are. He has no chip.
I would have done it already if he were actually my cat. He has either semi-chosen this lifestyle, or adapted to it with a lot of input from us.

I am quite prepared to offer her money, but I have a feeling that won't be the point.

OP posts:

CaptainMerica · 20/02/2022 11:18

The reason I suggested offering money was just to give a token amount, to prove that you are making a commitment and taking on the responsibility. Rather than a more vague "just leave him here, I'll look after him", that might leave her feeling like she is abandoning him.

WomanStanleyWoman · 20/02/2022 11:20

Please suggest any way I persuade her to leave him with us.

Get your own cat.

SanFranBear · 20/02/2022 11:26

@WomanStanleyWoman

Please suggest any way I persuade her to leave him with us.

Get your own cat.

I have to agree... this isn't your cat and despite what you think, if she's planning on taking him with her, she does want him in her life.

There are thousands of cats in shelters and rescues needing homes which you could use to satisfy your 'need to look after something' - don't take someone's else's pet.

AmandaHoldensLips · 20/02/2022 11:26

We had this some years ago. NDN's cat pretty much lived in our house. She was highly offended when we asked, then came round with rubber gloves and took the cat - it was horrible to watch. She grabbed it, it started hissing and spitting, and stuffed it into a carrier. They moved out.

We got a kitten as our kids were so bereft.

7 days later, guess who turned up at the kitchen door? Had walked MILES and come back to us.

This time we didn't contact the "owner". She was a right cow.

GenialHarryGr0ut · 20/02/2022 11:28

Could you phrase it as
"If you were ever looking to rehome cat we'd love to have him"

ThinWomansBrain · 20/02/2022 11:28

ask - but be prepared that she nay say no
poor cats, especially the younger one who sounds as if he's left to fend for himself most of the time - indoor cats should have lots of attention

Kidsaregrim · 20/02/2022 11:32

This happened with my kitten, he loved my NDN more than me, we were moving and he scarpered and I went back later that night to collect him. She was so upset that I had come back and he practically leaped into her arms, how could I say no! We had to pay for his chip to be moved to her details but I was happy to do that as I knew he would have a fantastic life

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 11:33

@CaptainMerica

In her position, I would have felt that I abandoned him already.

OP posts:

amylou8 · 20/02/2022 11:38

Ask her, that's all you can do. If she does take him there's a fair chance he'll find his way back anyway.

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 11:39

@WomanStanleyWoman

Please suggest any way I persuade her to leave him with us.

Get your own cat.

If you asked the cat (although actions speak louder than words), he might that he is already "ours". Or that we are his....

OP posts:

TheOccupier · 20/02/2022 11:41

I'd just steal him. Do you have a friend elsewhere who could keep him there indoors until after she's moved, then you could go and pick him up?

xfgdhfgnhkk007 · 20/02/2022 11:43

and is such a help to my need to look after something

To be honest I'm not a cat owner (hope to be), but if I was I'd be quite hurt and upset by someone wanting to take my cat away. Lots of cats are outdoorsy/nocturnal and like to visit neighbours! They are greedy and will go wherever there is food/warmth/comfort/whatever suits them.

It seems you are judging her for her household (dog, kid, cat etc), and assuming the cat must be unhappy just because it visits you! It's very easy for non-cat owners to romanticise (like a PP said) a cat and assume it must be unhappy or poorly treated and that only YOU can make them happy.

dottydodah · 20/02/2022 11:51

Pleas be aware that having your NDN cat coming by to see you now and then ,is totally different from your own feline!Needing to pay vets bills ,flea treatments and so on is quite different . By all means broach the subject carefully .But if she doesnt bite then leave it.There are many cat shelters everywhere in UK .They would all appreciate your musical pieces Im sure!

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 12:17

@dottydodah

I have had my own cats previously..... One got run hit by a car (previous house with my grandparents, at a busy junction); one ate slug pellets on a neighbour's garden just after I moved there and was found dead (I blame myself for this - she is buried at the farm): my most recent lived to 15 and would visit three different neighbours for food and treats and sunbathing - but did come back to my house and his shed every single day. He developed an illnees that would have harmed him more to treat and was put to sleep and is now buried in the horses' field with a cherry tree planted next to him, and some of my old horse's ashes nearby. (They were pts within a month of each other.)

If I had seemingly abandoned o neglected an animal, I would not feel "hurt" if someone took care of or wanted and was able to take them on. But the people who abandon and neglect animals are usually contary enough to say "It's mine, I can do what I want."

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 20/02/2022 12:19

Is the cat chipped?

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 12:20

@xfgdhfgnhkk007

and is such a help to my need to look after something

I am NOT judging her household. I specifically said that I am not. It is not quiet, that's all. And I mean VERY not quiet.

He has been effectively left to his own devices for months - with a bit of dry food thrown on the ground outside the door. All that happpened was that rats came and ate it or contaminated it.

The black one from just more than a kitten has been left there with a visit possibly once per day. It cries for hours on end.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 12:22

@Theunamedcat

Is the cat chipped?

No. We took him to the vets for a treatment a couple of months ago - when he was very run down. (She doesn't know - unless reading here.) He was womed, and treated for fleas, and his diet changed.

OP posts:

HobnobbingAboutHobnobs · 20/02/2022 12:23

I had a cat who adopted my neighbours (he was NOT a fan of our baby!) and when they told me that they were moving, they hinted strongly that they would miss him a lot. He obviously wasn't happy with us, so as much as it upset me, I asked if they would like to take him. They were so happy.
You can but ask. Offering a token amount of money might help to smooth the path if you don't get on wonderfully with your neighbour, but hopefully she will have the best interests of the cat at heart.

TheOccupier · 20/02/2022 12:24

Even better! Chip him, and hide him until she's off the scene. Then he'll be yours

Blueemeraldagain · 20/02/2022 12:27

Given your last post @LoveMyPiano I would have rung the RSPCA (as useless as they are).

LargeInCharge · 20/02/2022 12:30

I’d keep him.

The busy road he’d have to navigate to get back to you (and he will) would be enough for me. Plus he wasn’t very well nourished when he came to you at first and no chip.

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