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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking her to leave the cat with us....

129 replies

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 10:55

My next door but one neighbour is about to finally move out, after about 5 months virtually living with boyfriend, but coming to and fro the apartment (I am in a house next door to the little block).

She has/had two cats. A black one, probably less than a year old, that has been left in the apartment mostly all of the time; and an older one who has always roamed the complex and back road and who has been in my house a lot, comes onto the garden (catches rodents but not birds strangely) and has virtually adopted my friend who also lives in the apartments. It seemed that he was effectively left behind and we have cared for him with all kinds of food (he became very underweight and scruffy at first but now his coat is like silk [maybe we should all eat cat food!], he has a mix of some dried and some wet, and has really improved since we added the pouch food.

He is nicely looked after by us jointly - and now allowed to stay in overnight (previously, not - and mainly his choice - he is very nocturnal). He waits for my friend to come home, and he also seems to know when I will go round but sometimes totally indfferent and stays in one of his many beds/spots. For example, last night, I had my Saturday pizza with the plate resting (lightly) on his head. He will not get off my lap until I tip him off....

Please suggest any way I persuade her to leave him with us. She and I are not especially friendly (due to anothe nasty neighbour - now gone- influence) but I have never said a nasty thing to or about her or her little boy, and she knows what the cat has been doing. But now, her actual move out is imminent, and I have heard (from another neighbour) that she plans to take him...... He was not happy in her home before, as he seems to like quiet, and she has a big boisterous dog and a (I think) 6 year old - and of course the other cat..... I would not criticise any of this - but I really want to plead with her to leave him with us, where he is doing so well, and is such a help to my need to look after something.

He keeps his opinion to himself when I play the piano..... but that eye speaks volumes

OP posts:

Etinoxaurus · 20/02/2022 12:35

@AmandaHoldensLips

We had this some years ago. NDN's cat pretty much lived in our house. She was highly offended when we asked, then came round with rubber gloves and took the cat - it was horrible to watch. She grabbed it, it started hissing and spitting, and stuffed it into a carrier. They moved out.

We got a kitten as our kids were so bereft.

7 days later, guess who turned up at the kitchen door? Had walked MILES and come back to us.

This time we didn't contact the "owner". She was a right cow.

Wow! What a lovely tale! 🐈

SecretSpAD · 20/02/2022 12:35

@TheOccupier

Even better! Chip him, and hide him until she's off the scene. Then he'll be yours

Whilst I'd murder anyone who tried to do this with any pet of mine.....

Do it. He needs a better home.

id take the other one too

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 12:38

@Blueemeraldagain

Given your last post *@LoveMyPiano* I would have rung the RSPCA (as useless as they are).

I know - but I knew it would be futile ..... Same situation - but with a dog - two doors away on the other side...

OP posts:

Elieza · 20/02/2022 12:39

I’d ask her asap. Before she starts packing. ‘So they will be out of your way’ etc. And we’ll make sure they are looked after properly.

If she says no then offer her money for then.

If she declines takes both it just the housecat with her if report her new address to the rspca (or the sspca if you are in Scotland as the rspca doesn’t work in Scotland weirdly)

If she takes them and the outdoors one appears at yours I’d keep him in and show him he lives at yours now.

You’re doing a good thing. People like her don’t deserve to have pets.

Igmum · 20/02/2022 12:46

Yes ask her. I really hope she says yes. It sounds like these poor cats have been having a dreadful time. Well done to your cat for finding himself new humans and fingers crossed

Mia184 · 20/02/2022 12:46

Given the owner’s lack of care for the cat, I’d also just keep the cat in until she has gone. This would be in the cat’s best interest.

Mistressofnone · 20/02/2022 12:46

I took in a stray recently that had been visiting for months. Had the chip checked and it came from a house a mile away. The owners took her back and I was very sad but we swapped details in case she returned.

Within a few hours the owner called me and said how unhappy her cat seemed in their busy house and asked if we'd still like to adopt her.

She is now asleep next to me on the sofa.

Can't hurt to ask as long as you don't indicate they haven't been looking after her. Tell them what a lovely cat they have raised!

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 12:49

@Elieza

I’d ask her asap. Before she starts packing. ‘So they will be out of your way’ etc. And we’ll make sure they are looked after properly.

If she says no then offer her money for then.

If she declines takes both it just the housecat with her if report her new address to the rspca (or the sspca if you are in Scotland as the rspca doesn’t work in Scotland weirdly)

If she takes them and the outdoors one appears at yours I’d keep him in and show him he lives at yours now.

You’re doing a good thing. People like her don’t deserve to have pets.

The packing apparently started yesterday - working around the indoor cat I believe, although he/she may have gone now.

The outdoor one is following his usual pattern and is currently asleep on the piano. If he is left in alone, he is listening to Classic FM.

The plan (again, apparently) is to take him tomorrow. We cannot seem to catch her to make the request - it's all very stealth

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 20/02/2022 12:49

all the best op, seems the cats lovley

themental · 20/02/2022 12:56

Fingers crossed she says yes 🤞🏻

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 12:57

@Mistressofnone

Within a few hours the owner called me and said how unhappy her cat seemed in their busy house and asked if we'd still like to adopt her.

She is now asleep next to me on the sofa.

Can't hurt to ask as long as you don't indicate they haven't been looking after her. Tell them what a lovely cat they have raised!

Oh, so lovely. Thats it you see.... He WAS unhappy, otherwise he would not have come to us - even as opportunistic as I am sure they can be. It ws NOT quiet or calm (even a lot of kittens at one point - not his) and the dog does seem quite giddy and is big. We would not SAY that he has been neglected, but it is pretty obvious. He is a very sweet boy - but not super-cuddly. If I pick him up to bring down the stairs if he comes into my house and I need to put him out before leaving, his paws will point straight out in all directions of the compass and he turns into a creature made of mercury. Hard to hold onto now he is so silky.

OP posts:

TheMadGardener · 20/02/2022 13:02

Having read the update about her just chucking handfuls of dry food outside for him, he's probably better off with you.
I'd be inclined to just say nothing, keep him locked in your house and deny all knowledge until after she's moved...

Pr1mr0se · 20/02/2022 13:12

Why do you feel it's ok to want to take someone else's cat? Do you normally take other people's things are think it's ok? Get your own and stop getting cat food etc for your neighbours cat and then he won't keep coming back.

OnaBegonia · 20/02/2022 13:12

If she's basically left the other in an empty flat, I'd be making a call
to RSPCA as a 'concerned neighbour'
I'd be letting the boy go missing,
sounds like she's unlikely to care and reinstate him when she's gone.

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 13:18

@Pr1mr0se

I don't necessarily...... We didn't lure him in; he effectively HAD nowhere else to go, despite having an "owner".

And no, I do not geneally take other people's things - but I have very strong feelings about animal welfare, small or large (took my own miniature horse back - literally lifted her over a fence - from people who I had "sold" her to, because they were incompetent) - and this cat was left alone, outside, and becoming quite unwell.
(I am equally concerned about the one left inside, but it does have shelter and I am assuming is somewhat warm.)

Tell me, what would YOU have done?

OP posts:

Momijin · 20/02/2022 13:22

I used to live in a place where the cat a few doors down was always at our house. Her house was lovely but there were other cats there.

My friend's cat became quite violent with her sister so the cat that was being bullied chose to live outside.

Cats choose their own homes and sometimes it isn't because there is anything wrong with theirs.

I would ask her I think, rather than take them. She may be relieved.

Ludo19 · 20/02/2022 14:05

Any way you can adopt her black cat too OP.....I brokenhearted reading it's left alone all day

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 14:15

@Ludo19

Any way you can adopt her black cat too OP.....I brokenhearted reading it's left alone all day

I do wish we could, or hope we can..... Hearing it crying piteously (and seeing it sit at the patio door) is heartbreaking. She only got it as a wee baby last year and then started being away for most of the time - just the one visit each day (I think), not even staying overnight.

I do hate that I know this.... (and am almost unable to help).

OP posts:

WomanStanleyWoman · 20/02/2022 15:08

I’m interested to hear why you “sold” the horse rather than just sold it. Did you “give back” the money they “paid” for it when you “took it back”?

Mistressofnone · 20/02/2022 15:33

@LoveMyPiano definitely ask. Tell them to think about it and they might realise it's for the best. A lot of people got lockdown pets and realised what a big commitment it is.

I posted on the Litter Tray on Mumsnet when I was going through it. Everyone really supportive on there. Like you, I got the occasional 'get your own cat, don't steal someone else's' response, but one of the ladies on there works in cat rescue and is always happy to see cats going to a loving home.

Woahthehorsey · 20/02/2022 15:37

No way would I do this. We had a cat who was loved by our neighbors, and he loved them. But we loved him too and he loved us. We were happy for them to let him in their house and to feed him but it was in no way needed or wanted by us. If they'd have suggested keeping him when we moved I'd had been furious. He was our cat, we'd cared for him, paid vet bills and loved him, we didn't ask them to let him in or feed him. And I'd hate the insinuation that we weren't looking after him.

Cindie943811A · 20/02/2022 15:52

OP the problem is that if you express an interest in keeping him and she refuses then she’ll know where to look if you decide to rescue him.
The fact is that you and others have witnessed how these cats are being neglected ( perhaps not intentionally, but that’s not the point) and the opinion of other posters about how much they’d resent their well loved cats being offered rehoming is just not relevant.
Do what your conscience dictates.
As in child welfare cases the needs of the child are paramount. Here the needs of the pet are paramount over the needs of the ownert

Shmithecat2 · 20/02/2022 15:54

@AmandaHoldensLips

We got a kitten as our kids were so bereft.

7 days later, guess who turned up at the kitchen door? Had walked MILES and come back to us.

This time we didn't contact the "owner". She was a right cow.

I love this story ❤️ 😂😂

2bazookas · 20/02/2022 16:20

Just ask her outright.

That happened to us; we had a menagerie of animals and children and one of the rescue cats clearly felt this was not the kind of restful home for a princess she had hoped for and deserved. So she picked a petless/childless house across the road and seduced the neighbour with displays of purring, cute rolling and lapsitting etc she never did at ours. The neighbour fell in love; and eventually came and asked very nicely if she could please adopt our cat. Who was virtually living there anyway. We agreed; it was clearly what the cat wanted :-).

Original poster

LoveMyPiano · 20/02/2022 17:17

@WomanStanleyWoman

I’m interested to hear why you “sold” the horse rather than just sold it. Did you “give back” the money they “paid” for it when you “took it back”?

I was "foolish" enough to allow her to go, and them to come back to me with payment. In addition to being incompetent, they were also dishonest - but I "found out" where she was and "bodily removed her".. Thus, "sold" - as no money changed hands

And yes, "silly" me.

OP posts:

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