Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Estranged Daughter

107 replies

RusticChips · 19/02/2022 19:17

Daughter does not want anything to do with her Dad, long story, she is 27 years old. She has moved in with her boyfriend. Dad and I have been split for 10 years. Dad, my ex finally been trying to build some bridges with her but this is maybe a bit too late. He knew she was moving out but is really annoyed with me for not telling him actually when (a few weeks ago) and he was away anyway, we generally do not contact each other except when arranging contact with out youngest child. He is asking me for her address which she has asked me not to give to him. It is making me feel really uneasy, I have told him I cannot give him her address and have asked her to text it to him but he is adamant I should not keep it from him. What are your thoughts please?

OP posts:

SW1amp · 19/02/2022 19:19

You should respect your daughters wishes for him to not have her address.

If he is this much of a bully, it’s not surprising she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him especially if he has been absent for 10 years

3peassuit · 19/02/2022 19:19

I would respect my daughter’s wishes and not give her address.

FinnulaFloss · 19/02/2022 19:20

She's well into her adult years and has asked you not to give her address to someone she wants no contact with - her decision to make.

If you'd like to maintain a relationship with her yourself I'd suggest you respect her wishes and her request.

MorganKitten · 19/02/2022 19:20

As an estranged daughter, don’t give him any details.

negomi90 · 19/02/2022 19:21

I don't know which is unreasonable or not - so didn't vote.
She's an adult. You don't give him her address because you respect an adult to make decisions that are right for them.
Giving him her address will wreck your relationship with her, she won't trust you with anything important or personal again and if she moves she probably won't give you her address.
Stay out of it.

autienotnaughty · 19/02/2022 19:21

It's not your address. She's an adult. You can not give it out.

LightfoldEngines · 19/02/2022 19:21

Do not give your ADULT daughters address! She’s made it very clear she wants fuck all to do with him.

Pootles34 · 19/02/2022 19:21

To be totally honest, I'm a bit shocked you're even considering this. He sounds awful, you'll be seriously damaging your relationship with your daughter if you do pass the address on.

CuteOrangeElephant · 19/02/2022 19:22

I'm estranged from my father and would not be amused if my mother gave him my address against my explicit wishes. In fact I would never give my mother any kind of information ever again.

FAQs · 19/02/2022 19:23

Support your daughters wishes.

AlexaShutUp · 19/02/2022 19:23

I would not give him her contact details without her consent. Absolutely not.

I would offer to pass on a letter from him, but that's it.

VodselForDinner · 19/02/2022 19:23

Do it give him her address.

You’ve already told her once that he’s looking for it. Do not badger her or repeat his request.

You’re not his PA, it’s not your job to facilitate anything for him.

It is your job to support your daughter and respect her wishes and support her boundaries.

steff13 · 19/02/2022 19:25

It's not your address to give, and it's not your job to facilitate his relationship with his daughter. Tell him no, then ignore future requests.

Xmassprout · 19/02/2022 19:26

Your daughter is an adult and it is completely up to her whether or not he has her address. He has no right to know her address unless she wants him to know

firstimemamma · 19/02/2022 19:26

@VodselForDinner I think your first sentence is a typo judging by the rest of your post.

Respect your daughter's wishes op, she deserves it.

SolasAnla · 19/02/2022 19:27

Another vote for you directing him to asking your daughter directly.

However i expect he will attempt to get the address from your other child. Its something you should discuss with both children so it is not a point of conflict between them.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/02/2022 19:28

You absolutely must not give him your daughter's address. She's an adult who can make her own choices. How can you even be questioning this?

DysmalRadius · 19/02/2022 19:29

Agree with everyone else - do not give it to him. Why would your go against your daughter's wishes?

Stressedout1009 · 19/02/2022 19:29

Just because he is finally ready to build bridges, does not mean anything. He has to reap his efforts. I would stay out of it. She is an adult, she needs your support. Tell him to bugger off.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/02/2022 19:29

You're honestly asking if you you disclose person details of your adult daughter to a man who has nothing to do with you, when she has specifically asked you not to?

The answer is: no

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/02/2022 19:29

*personal

MaybeSomeDay7 · 19/02/2022 19:30

Do not give him her address. She may need you: moving in with a bf after a rocky relationship with dad might not be plain sailing all the way. She's making a big move move. If you betray her trust she will have no-one to turn to if or when she might need relationship advice. I hope her move goes well and wish her the best of luck. 👍 Hope you're ok too with her move.

Moonshine5 · 19/02/2022 19:30

It's not yours to give. Don't take on his guilt.

TheNoodlesIncident · 19/02/2022 19:32

It will probably be difficult for you if he becomes unpleasant about it, but in no way should you pass on her contact details to anyone your DD has said she doesn't want to give them to. She has every right to withhold information like that.

If you do give them to him, she might quite rightly view you as someone whom she cannot trust and break contact with you too.

Travis1 · 19/02/2022 19:33

It is not yours to give/. I assume he is an ex for a reason? Do not be his flying monkey or you may find that he’s not the only parent she goes NC with

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread