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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to the wedding...aibu?

123 replies

hinkbinkclink · 19/02/2022 15:38

Five years ago I started socialising with my friends friend.
They had a friendship group and I got to know them and started going on nights out and invited places with them.
I made a really good friend through that circle of girls.
One of the girls we will call her "Lisa" is getting married today.
November last year was her hen weekend and I got invited (8 of us )
We had a great weekend and I helped organise it.
Anyway today was her wedding and I wasn't invited.
I feel so stupid.
I'm the only one from the hen not invited.

Now I knew I wouldn't be invited to the actual wedding but not even the nighttime reception.
It's in a pub in the room upstairs (buffet,disco etc )
I just think it's a bit sly.
The bar isn't free drinks so it would have cost her nothing.

Aibu ?

OP posts:
SmolCat · 19/02/2022 15:43

I don’t understand why you’d invite someone on your hen and not to the wedding.

Are you sure you invite didn’t get lost? Can you check with your original friend?

Original poster
hinkbinkclink · 19/02/2022 15:46

Nope deffo not invited.
My friend who is at day and night said "can't believe she hasn't invited you"

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 19/02/2022 15:47

Yabu. To her you are a friend of a friend. I assume the bride didn't organise the hen do but someone else and you did so she had no choice in that.

Theunamedcat · 19/02/2022 15:48

Step back way from this one never complain about it but you know now how she sees you

RedskyThisNight · 19/02/2022 15:48

I never understand why people just don't ask in these situations. Or, if you didn't want to ask Lisa directly get a mutual friend to make subtle enquiries.

(I had loads of people at my hen night that didn't come to the wedding. Wedding was very close friends and family only and there were a lot of "less close" friends at the hen and people like work colleagues. I don't think it's that odd not to have hen parties attendees not go to the wedding).

SW1amp · 19/02/2022 15:49

Were the invitations sent after the hen weekend?
It’s very odd that she considers you in the top 8 of friends for the purposes of hen invitations but you don’t make the cut for the actual wedding.

Does her husband dislike you? Have you got previous for being embarrassing at events?!

Abcdefu · 19/02/2022 15:49

I would be upset about that too but put it down to experience and move on

HeadToToesNo · 19/02/2022 15:50

She's not really a good friend, so if I were you I would try to match her energy from now on. Don't go to too much effort for her.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 19/02/2022 15:52

I wouldnt question her about it but I wouldnt put much effort into the friendship anymore

Runnerduck34 · 19/02/2022 15:53

Thats rubbish! Only mitigation I can think of is if there was very limited numbers for venue of evening reception?? Did they have a separate guest list for evening or was it all or nothing ?
It is hurtful when you want to her hen do and even helped it organise it and are part if the friendship group, it would make me reevaluate the friendship, I'm sorry it's so pants.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 19/02/2022 15:55

Who invited you to her hen do? Who organised it?

DirectionToPerfection · 19/02/2022 15:55

@SeasonFinale

Yabu. To her you are a friend of a friend. I assume the bride didn't organise the hen do but someone else and you did so she had no choice in that.
There's always a reply like this. Hmm

Of course it's weird that she made the cut for the hen, but is the only one in the group not invited to the actual wedding.

The bride does decide who goes to the hen, usually the bridesmaids will ask for a list of names and will then go about making arrangements.

Can understand why you're hurt OP, most people would be.

linchinton · 19/02/2022 15:58

Very weird to be at the hen do and not the wedding....

SpiderVersed · 19/02/2022 16:00

She's telling you she doesn't see you as a friend, more of a friend of a friend.

PJsAndRainyDays · 19/02/2022 16:02

Did she specifically invite you to the hen or was the hen organised by someone else?

If she invited you to the hen herself then I think it's really odd to not invite you to the wedding.

irishfarmer · 19/02/2022 16:08

I think it's weird. In my experience it is the very good friends that get invited to the hen and then def make the wedding list! I've been to plenty of weddings without being to the hen. But I've not been to a hen party without being invited to the wedding.

sillysmiles · 19/02/2022 16:16

@SeasonFinale

Yabu. To her you are a friend of a friend. I assume the bride didn't organise the hen do but someone else and you did so she had no choice in that.
Usually the bride gives a list of who to invite to the hen and imo you should never invite someone to you hen that you aren't inviting to the wedding.
Chestofdraws · 19/02/2022 16:18

Get a friend to ask her why.

I’d say she doesn’t like you though, sorry.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 16:19

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I wouldnt question her about it but I wouldnt put much effort into the friendship anymore
Yeah this. ^ Sorry @hinkbinkclink it's clear this woman isn't a good friend and doesn't think of you as one. To be the only one, of all of the ones at the hen party not invited to the wedding is awful IMO.

As previous posters have said, I would not be arsed with her anymore. Just ghost her.

KylieCharlene · 19/02/2022 16:20

She obviously sees you as your mutual friend's friend and not HER friend.
I'd be hurt too but at least you know where you stand.

Pipsquiggle · 19/02/2022 16:20

Is it a numbers thing? Some venues can't have over a certain amount of people.

It does sound particularly mean that you helped to organise the hen, then don't even get an evening invite

Mybestyear · 19/02/2022 16:24

It's a horrible feeling OP so I get that. There is a good chance it could be numbers - even a room in a pub will have a limit for fire and safety regulations I would imagine, plus how many the floor can safely hold. But at the end of the day, irrespective of the reason, she doesn't see you as a close friend. But it is rubbish to be the only one at the hen not invited. If it was me, I would feel differently about the friendship now.

PinkiOcelot · 19/02/2022 16:28

That’s awful. I can understand why you’re upset. I would be taking a step back now. Whilst you have obviously thought of her as a friend, she still considers you as a friend of a friend. Hurtful.

PinkiOcelot · 19/02/2022 16:28

@SeasonFinale

Yabu. To her you are a friend of a friend. I assume the bride didn't organise the hen do but someone else and you did so she had no choice in that.
What a load of rubbish!!
OMGItsEarly · 19/02/2022 16:29

@RedskyThisNight did you get anyone asking you why they were invited to your Hen do but not the wedding?
If so, did you tell them they were "less close" friends? Just wondering how they took it?

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