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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to the wedding...aibu?

123 replies

hinkbinkclink · 19/02/2022 15:38

Five years ago I started socialising with my friends friend.
They had a friendship group and I got to know them and started going on nights out and invited places with them.
I made a really good friend through that circle of girls.
One of the girls we will call her "Lisa" is getting married today.
November last year was her hen weekend and I got invited (8 of us )
We had a great weekend and I helped organise it.
Anyway today was her wedding and I wasn't invited.
I feel so stupid.
I'm the only one from the hen not invited.

Now I knew I wouldn't be invited to the actual wedding but not even the nighttime reception.
It's in a pub in the room upstairs (buffet,disco etc )
I just think it's a bit sly.
The bar isn't free drinks so it would have cost her nothing.

Aibu ?

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 19/02/2022 16:29

If it was a massive hen do with loads of people from work etc then I’d understand but only 8 ? I’d expect an invite. It’s rude.

Clymene · 19/02/2022 16:32

Some people just don't seem to understand the basic rules of social etiquette. Of course you don't invite someone to a hen do and then not invite them to the wedding! That's bizarre behaviour

Clymene · 19/02/2022 16:33

@RedskyThisNight

I never understand why people just don't ask in these situations. Or, if you didn't want to ask Lisa directly get a mutual friend to make subtle enquiries.

(I had loads of people at my hen night that didn't come to the wedding. Wedding was very close friends and family only and there were a lot of "less close" friends at the hen and people like work colleagues. I don't think it's that odd not to have hen parties attendees not go to the wedding).

Well it is. It's rude.

The hen night is supposed to be about your girlfriends having a last night with you before you get married. If you're having a tiny wedding, don't have a big hen do.

Chely · 19/02/2022 16:36

She's an arse, I hope you didn't chip in to cover the cost of her on the hen party.

GobletOfIre · 19/02/2022 16:37

Years ago, I got invited to a hen do to make up the numbers. Was it a deal like this? (I didn’t go, by the way.)

girlmom21 · 19/02/2022 16:37

YANBU. Im sorry you've been left out. That's shit of her. Did she not mention at her hen?

FAQs · 19/02/2022 16:40

That’s not great considering you helped organise the hen do for her.

user6573 · 19/02/2022 16:40

Yeah, that's really shit. I agree with the majority that it is incredibly rude to invite someone to a hen do and not the wedding. If you can't afford or don't want a big wedding you don't have a big hen!

diddl · 19/02/2022 16:41

I think it's odd to be invited to the hen do & not the wedding.

But you say that you knew that you wouldn't be invited to the wedding.

Do you know for sure that there are people at the evening do who didn't go to the ceremony?

ivykaty44 · 19/02/2022 16:47

its about making up numbers for the hen party and then not needing you for the actual wedding, thats my take on it

its an unpleasant way to behave, shallow & yes sly

Gilly12345 · 19/02/2022 16:48

I’m not being mean but she obviously doesn’t see you as a friend but it is bad form not to invite the hen party women not to even the evening reception.

I think hen parties are all about numbers and the bride trying to look popular with “ all my friends around me making such a fuss of me” and of course posting lots of photos on social media.

Zilla1 · 19/02/2022 16:49

That must be most upsetting and puzzling.

In the Venn diagram of hen and wedding, the hen party are almost always a wholly-contained circle sub-set in the wedding segment.

Did you confess to fancying the bride or groom and made the bride scared you'd stand up in the 'Does anyone have just cause to object' part of the ceremony or did you get slaughtered and strip on the hen night and she feared you'd bribe the DJ to play Dave Rose's The Stripper music on the dance floor and repeat?

Lochroy · 19/02/2022 16:50

Presumably she agreed who would be invited to the hen do so it's odd that you weren't invited to the wedding. YANBU.

Northgirl96 · 19/02/2022 16:54

It's hurtful not being invited to a wedding. My husband and I have been shunned by someone we've known for over a decade and we've not got a scooby as to why. She's invited all of our mutual friends but not us.

You have my sympathy.

TheFlis12345 · 19/02/2022 16:56

In my circle it’s really rude to invite someone on a hen weekend and expect them to fork out all that money unless they are invited to the full wedding! I had a couple of friends we could only have as evening guests due to numbers so I didn’t put them on the hen list. The only exceptions would be a very small wedding or one abroad where some guests may not be able to attend.

UnsuitableHat · 19/02/2022 16:57

Well she obviously had her reasons - why do you think it was sly? - how do you normally get on with her?

figuringoutmylife · 19/02/2022 16:59

Things like this always sting. I'm sorry you were excluded.

Like others it unfortunately it is a clear indicator that she doesn't value your friendship in it's own right. I'm sure it may feel embarrassing seeing your friends there. You haven't done anything wrong, try not to blame yourself. Definitely take a step back from the friendship. Flowers

diddl · 19/02/2022 17:00

Has anything changed since the hen night?

Toanewstart23 · 19/02/2022 17:01

Perhaps I voted to make to make numbers up

Difficult to say if unreasonable because no idea how close you are to her

Jeschara · 19/02/2022 17:02

I dont think it is because she does not like you, I think she see's you as a friend of a friend and only that.
I would not ask why I was not invited, because in my opinion that is the answer you will get. I also think if there is limited numbers the friends she has known longer will get the invitation.
Please dont sweat this, but do not give too much time and energy to this type of friendship, just enjoy it for what it is.

Toanewstart23 · 19/02/2022 17:02

When did you find out?

Thisisyourvaginatalking · 19/02/2022 17:02

She sounds like a stupid twonk. Don't bother doing anything with her again.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/02/2022 17:02

I'm confused by the timings.

Wedding invitations are normally sent out months in advance, and certainly before hen do invitations.

So surely you knew that you weren't invited to the wedding and would have then said no to the hen do because you were not going to the wedding.

BoodleBug51 · 19/02/2022 17:03

That's really unkind behaviour.

At least you now know what sort of person she is. A not very nice one.

PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 17:04

Sounds like she sees you as an acquaintance not a close friend but thought you might like to come on the hen do. I'd think no more of it it will be dull anyway