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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to the wedding...aibu?

123 replies

hinkbinkclink · 19/02/2022 15:38

Five years ago I started socialising with my friends friend.
They had a friendship group and I got to know them and started going on nights out and invited places with them.
I made a really good friend through that circle of girls.
One of the girls we will call her "Lisa" is getting married today.
November last year was her hen weekend and I got invited (8 of us )
We had a great weekend and I helped organise it.
Anyway today was her wedding and I wasn't invited.
I feel so stupid.
I'm the only one from the hen not invited.

Now I knew I wouldn't be invited to the actual wedding but not even the nighttime reception.
It's in a pub in the room upstairs (buffet,disco etc )
I just think it's a bit sly.
The bar isn't free drinks so it would have cost her nothing.

Aibu ?

OP posts:
JustLyra · 19/02/2022 17:04

I think it's incredibly rude.

It's bad enough when someone is rude and invites loads of people to their hen that aren't invited to the wedding, but one person - that's spectacularly rude.

Toanewstart23 · 19/02/2022 17:07

Sounds like you’ve found out today
Your friend messaged to ask where you were
And that’s how you found out

So I’m guessing you had absolutely nothing to do with wedding preps
And not a single person in this social group mentioned it to you
And when was the last time you even went out with this group? As usually an imminent wedding… is discussed!

Wtfdoipick · 19/02/2022 17:10

Who asked you to help organise the hen do? How much input did the bride have over the hen do?

MingeofDeath · 19/02/2022 17:15

It's usually one of the "rules" that those attending the hen do, especially if a small one, are invited to the wedding.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/02/2022 17:17

This doesn't make any sense. Surely all the Talk on the hen do was about the wedding etc. Why didn't you ask about your invitation?

Toanewstart23 · 19/02/2022 17:18

The op was part of a social group
She makes no reference whatsoever as to how close to the bride she is

The bride was being thoughtful in inviting her to the “fun” bit where all the other social group (pre existing to the op joking) was attending

But not to the wedding itself

She could have exclude the op from the hen, which would have meant op the only one not attending.

Toanewstart23 · 19/02/2022 17:19

@Dishwashersaurous

This doesn't make any sense. Surely all the Talk on the hen do was about the wedding etc. Why didn't you ask about your invitation?
Because clearly the op was very much on the periphery of the group Not one of them has had any contact with her seemingly on the wedding
Dishwashersaurous · 19/02/2022 17:26

But then why go to a hen do, when you know you're not going to the wedding?

And then get upset about not going to the wedding?

It doesn't make sense.

The op must have known she wasn't invited to the wedding when asked to the hen do

Veryverycalmnow · 19/02/2022 17:27

That's really weird of her. YANBU

Excited101 · 19/02/2022 17:34

I was pretty pissed off once to be invited to a hen, agree to drive 4 of the others (out of 8) bring a kitchen gadget for us all to use that evening, spend out for the accom, then the following week only be invited to the evening bit. I think I was ‘room meat’ for the hen (perhaps someone dropped out?) and there was no space for me at the actual wedding. I wouldn’t have expected to go to the hen, was fairly shocked to be invited. But then after I got asked to drive and bring stuff etc- it made sense...

I feel for you op, it’s horrible to have the level of your friendship so glaringly thrown in your face. I’d get a mutual friend’s opinion on it, but you probably should quietly step back from her friendship a bit.

Mellowyellow222 · 19/02/2022 17:42

I was once invited to the hen weekend of a friend who had actually frozen me out about a year earlier.

Her sister had organised it and decided we should be friends gain. I politely declined but it was all very awkward.

Bjarnum · 19/02/2022 17:45

Ask a mutual friend to gently ask why. Make it clear that you are not about to make a scene but you would like to understand so you can move forward in an appropriate way and that once you know the matter will be closed and you would not dream of using what she says to embarrass her or the bride. It really is best to know. Flowers

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/02/2022 17:48

@SpiderVersed

She's telling you she doesn't see you as a friend, more of a friend of a friend.
Well it is this, but odd not to be asked to the reception as you say.

Oh well. Put it behind you.

CoastalWave · 19/02/2022 17:48

@RedskyThisNight

I never understand why people just don't ask in these situations. Or, if you didn't want to ask Lisa directly get a mutual friend to make subtle enquiries.

(I had loads of people at my hen night that didn't come to the wedding. Wedding was very close friends and family only and there were a lot of "less close" friends at the hen and people like work colleagues. I don't think it's that odd not to have hen parties attendees not go to the wedding).

No. What you did is weird. The whole point of a hen party is so that people can get to know each other before the wedding.

Sounds like you just wanted a party and people to bestow hen party gifts on you!

For the very reason that my wedding was super small, I didn't bother with a hen party as everyone already knew each other.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/02/2022 17:52

Actually the only odd thing about this is that you went to the hen do, when not invited to a wedding?

RedskyThisNight · 19/02/2022 17:52

[quote OMGItsEarly]@RedskyThisNight did you get anyone asking you why they were invited to your Hen do but not the wedding?
If so, did you tell them they were "less close" friends? Just wondering how they took it?[/quote]
No. They all knew the wedding was close friends and family only. And there was a very clear split between "close" friends (ones I'd known for years) and "other friends" (most of whom were work colleagues or friends of friends or those who I knew fairly casually through shared activities). I actually wasn't going to have a hen do, but many of my friends suggested it and organised it.

It's only an issue if you have someone who thinks they are a close friend (as OP clearly does) and the bride thinks otherwise.

RedskyThisNight · 19/02/2022 17:54

@CoastalWave
Sounds like you just wanted a party and people to bestow hen party gifts on you!

not at all - actually it was my friends that wanted the party and organised it.
And no one gave me any gifts (I didn't realise hen party gifts were even a thing ...)

Bumpy23 · 19/02/2022 17:54

I think that's shit form. I'd either ask the bride or get a mutual friend too. Or forget it and move on, you know where you stand.

Are you absolutely sure the invite didn't get lost?

PolkaSpace · 19/02/2022 18:01

Were you a right nightmare on the hen do? Did loads of men approach you and take attention off her?

WomanStanleyWoman · 19/02/2022 18:06

Sounds like she sees you as an acquaintance not a close friend but thought you might like to come on the hen do.

Exactly. I’ve got friends I’ve met through other friends; people I like, and who like me, but we’re not as close to one another as we are to the mutual friend. It wouldn’t occur to me to be annoyed that I wasn’t invited to their wedding.

WomanStanleyWoman · 19/02/2022 18:08

The whole point of a hen party is so that people can get to know each other before the wedding.

It really isn’t.

Mirw · 19/02/2022 18:10

She doesn't see you as a close friend so didnt invite you. Take it on the chin and move on.

gamerchick · 19/02/2022 18:11

@Veryverycalmnow

That's really weird of her. YANBU
It's weird of the entire group. I'd be taking a step back, it takes some shenanigans to hide a bit piece of news like that from someone.
HotWaterAndLemon · 19/02/2022 18:14

Are you absolutely sure the invite didn't get lost?
This was my first thought too. Or that she was busy and you got missed off.
It’s really strange for you to be excluded after attending the hen.

pictish · 19/02/2022 18:19

Seems odd if the rest were all invited. Ouch.

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