To ask as a parent what I can do to make the most out of a shit secondary school?

[kheer]

I have a Ds who will be attending the dire local comp. Its shit and I would love my child to have gone to one of the few decent secondary schools in my town but I live where I live and could never have moved to an area with better schools. It is what it is.

So I am thinking ok so what can I do to support him, to nurture him so he gets the best out of those years.

Weirdly even though I live in a very deprived area we are walking distance to a private school which I did visit for a nosy and was blown away by it. The extra curricular stuff was amazing, the trips they went on, the Duke of Edinburgh award, the sporting opportunities, volunteering etc.some stuff the state schools just didn't have. A child would not just get a good education but they'd really be a really well rounded person by the end of it. (Hopefully!).

So obviously I know I can't replicate this for my child but I'm thinking there might be some things I can do as a parent and wondered if you could provide some helpful advice for me.

I work in a "shit" comp. There are up and down sides. Downsides- the first 2 year groups are a bit crazy behaviour wise. There is a % in each class that do nothing but cause trouble. This does impact the rest of the students, although I will admit to being blown away by the ability of the class to keep working while xy and z cause their scenes.
By the 3rd year of secondary, in our school at least, these trickier kids have been put on pathways to access education that suits them better e.g. college courses, youth training. This means the classes are much calmer and its motivation we need to focus on.
If my child was at the school, I'd be ensuring they had a good hobby they loved away from school where they can shake off any stress. I'd pay attention that homework was completed, and I'd listen to them- do they want you to write in for a toilet pass? A corridor pass? Even if they don't medically need it, it might be useful for the mental health. Walking the corridors with the wilder students between classes can be the worst.

Make sure he signs up to anything school does offer in terms of DfE etc.
build a love of reading for pleasure
Be engaged with his school work and interests, even if they’re boring
Lots of extras, even free ones like museums or cultural stuff
Help him build life skills like travelling independently, ordering in a restaurant, travelling by taxi alone when an appropriate age

A positive attitude goes quite far the fact that your anticipating shit means you'll get shit. Not to mention instilling your child with that oh so appealling 'better than this' attitude.

Join or set up a PTA. Work to unite parents to come together in support of the school. Look beyond fundraising for how you can help.

Parents actively engaged in their child's education are one of the main indicators of future success for students.

Can you apply for a bursary place at the private school?

Does your dc have interests out of school where he can see other things on offer? Scouting for instance can offer DofE and in some areas international trips.

Some good advice already here but some things I would add as an ex comprehensive school teacher and parent of 4 comprehensive school educated kids (in a secondary in special measures for a few years). If the school sets in some subjects your child will be insulated from a lot of the disruption if they are in the higher sets. Find out what the school offers in extra curricular opportunities. Sometimes schools can have links with local universities which can be excellent. Encourage your child to develop a good network of friends who also want to learn and do well at school so it seems the normal way to behave. Make sure they have somewhere quiet to study. Outside school do stuff with them. There is so much for free if you can get to any decent sized city. Cook and eat together in the evening if you can and discuss interesting topics together.

Can you get him some private tuition to supplement his education?

@Onlyforcake

A positive attitude goes quite far the fact that your anticipating shit means you'll get shit. Not to mention instilling your child with that oh so appealling 'better than this' attitude.

'Anticipating shit' or going in with a clear understanding of the challenges he will face?

I feel sorry for decent kids with caring parents knowing they have no choice but to send their DC to schools with too many DC with learning and behavioural difficulties, unmanaged, from neglectful chaotic homes. I feel sorry for those kids, too, but I don't want them in my child's class, thanks.

A positive atyitude dors fck all when pupils are roaming corridoors during lessons kicking classroom doirs in shouting theu're giing to "fcking kill" some one or calling the teacher a "c**t", running ip to teachers punching them, waiting for pupils in school or out of school to beat them up, organising a mass brawl in the morning before school in a local park that staff are leaving the school building in groups in cars to try and reroute or stop pupils walking to it, either with intent or to join (a brawl that police also became aware of and attended, arresting people, confiscating macheyes and knives) pulils climbing the buildings, smoking in school and in class, kids being punched in lessons jist because they can, tables and chairs beibg thrown about,

Positive attitude? Fuck that. Those who have been unfortunate enough to have a child attend these sorts if schools know its an ingoing battle to keep their children safe.

If you arent in a big group, or lots of family eg cousins to have a protective element by family name or reputation then you are at risk of some children that dont care targeting your child.

Weare in a deprived area and the number of families that either dont hive a fuck, have zero intersdt ir sed it as a source of pride if theor child is violent, non attending ir causing priblems is astounding. There's a hige shift in lavk of parenti g skills in some areas and its not likely to improve. Areas are not benefiting from any social cohesion and communities are fractured, there is mire of a sense of look after your own and nit care abiut others that is growi g

I would se what non-school activities are available in your area, eg sports clubs if he's interested, Scouts, maybe art classes etc. Take him swimming, to museums, etc yourself. I presume you're not religious so church based things probably not an option.

Does he have any special interests himself you can nurture? If he doesn't yet, but develops them, see what you can do to encourage them.

I'd say CustardCreamsAndMintTea has it pretty much spot on.
The only thing I'd add is to have a reference book /text book/electronic resource for each subject at home, so if a topic gets particularly disrupted, you have the resources to learn and/or revise at home.
CGP have books for KS3 in most subjects, or school may have electronic subscriptions to stuff like Senica you can use.

My DC went to a school in special measures. They were both bright but never stretched at school, we did that at home. Every subject they did at school we extended it.
They both did well enough at GCSE, a mix of As and Bs. Then moved to a 6th form college and got all A*s at A level and 1st class degrees. So that comp didn't hold them back. What they lacked was self confidence, something private schools instil and we didn't manage.
It's important to them to make friends and fit in but you obviously want the right friendship groups. Common interests help. If they enjoy a sport encourage it in and out of school, find an athlets club / cricket/ Badminton or whatever outside school. Encourage them to bring friends home, make them welcome at your house so you know them and know where your DC is.

If he lets the teachers know he is keen to learn and prepared to work hard he will soon be noticed and nurtured. Encourage him to go the extra mile on homework. Make sure he signs up for any and all extra curricular activites. If the school has a librarian they soon notice the kids who take lots of books out to read. If he wants to get away from the crowds get him to volunteer to do duities in the library/ music/art/PE departments, depending on his interests.

Out of school - is he doing all he can to immerse himself in his hobbies and interests? The scouts can offer lots and lots of activities and is a great place to build up self confidence and make friends.

Take him places and encourage him to notice things. Treasure Tails or geocaching are a good way to get kids to problem solve.

If you can afford it pay for tutoring in subjects where he might be in a disruptive class, or have a series of supply teachers - especially maths, english and acience.

Be involved. Get on the PTA. Show the school that you are there to support them and your son to make the most of the situation.

A positive attitude goes quite farthe fact that your anticipating shit means you'll get shit. Not to mention instilling your child with that oh so appealling 'better than this' attitude

Ofgs the classes aren't disrupted, bullying doesn't happen etc because a parent is expecting a school to be shit. What a bizarre post.

I would say the biggest thing to look out fir is the fact that any interests or gifts your child has will end up being bullied or ridiculed out of them. I'd say try to be encouraging to try and counter act the influence if all the others having little interest in anything.

Amd just keep a close eye on the situations . Stay on top of things. Be that parebt of you have to.

Cadets do DofE award.
They learn so much, and have so many amazing experiences as well as getting a really decent set of friends who all look out for each other.
They are driven to improve on themselves and to obtain goals.

Best thing my kids have ever done.

Not in the UK or in anything like your situation. Volunteer at school if you can. Dd hates it but half the teachers at her school know me by name (in secondary via the PTA). It’ll all part of developing relationships and allowing the teacher to know that you, your child and teacher are a team.

My OH says that in his opinion, the childrens friendship group is probably the most important factor. If they fall in with a bad group, they could end up going that way themselves, through peer pressure.

We try and encourage DC with any positive friendships they have formed eg we will suggest the DC invite them home to hang out or will take them out somewhere.

We also try to keep the children busy with extra curricular activities, so that they also have things to do outside of school eg sports clubs, music lessons. If they express an interest in something, we encourage it and try to support that.

My children are year 7 and year 5, so it's a work in progress! The main thing for me is knowing what the children are up to and nipping anything in thr bud, before it becomes a bigger problem.

@Onlyforcake

A positive attitude goes quite far the fact that your anticipating shit means you'll get shit. Not to mention instilling your child with that oh so appealling 'better than this' attitude.

Bless.

A positive attitude will totally help when he’s had a year of supply teachers, a trashed classroom and six months of writing the date and nothing else.

I forgot something really important. His friends will have a massive influence on him. Do all you can to encourage him to stick with friends who have a good attitude to learning and behaviour. Facilitate opportunities for them to spend time together outside of school. I have see nice kids brought down very quickly because they want to be part of the 'cool' gang.

Be involved. Our secondary has a dreadful reputation.

DS and now DD have both done well. The biggest thing we noticed, was that we would see the same few faces at every parents evening, parents forum, whatever. The biggest difference was the parental support. Same with anything extra curricular, it tended to be the same kids.

Yes there were some bad times, but I believe that my kids have more resilience and empathy, because of some of the behaviour and lifestyles they've seen through going to that school and the people they've mixed with, some of whom have really different experiences to them.

They both have strong hobbies out of school, one sport and one drama, which has given them confidence and access to different friendship groups.

Keep an eye on it. I did nearly move DS at one point because the behaviour was becoming disruptive to a point where he was struggling, but then school changed some rules and some processes and got it under control.

All of these bears repetition:

Encourage your child to develop a good network of friends who also want to learn and do well at school so it seems the normal way to behave. Make sure they have somewhere quiet to study. Outside school do stuff with them. There is so much for free if you can get to any decent sized city. Cook and eat together in the evening if you can and discuss interesting topics together.

Also:

Read. Read. Read. Read with. Read to. Read together. Read everything, not just books labelled ‘for 11 year old boys at shit schools’. If he doesn’t have a Kindle get a kindle app for his phone. That way he can download free samples of any new books that catch his interest. (Honestly, half my MA reading was free first chapters …)

To that end ensure you and he regularly check out the book reviews in national newspapers - Guardian, FT, whatever. At least once a week.

Turn off the TV (if you still have one!) and turn on the radio. Despite its many stupidities make Radio 4 the default listening experience in your household. He will learn a quite staggering amount of really important stuff - culture, grammar, current affairs, how political rulers rule, without even noticing. It will broaden his vocabulary and give a depth to his engagement with the wider world that he really won’t get from TikTok.

If possible get to know the significant cultural / academic institutions in your closest city. If there’s a university there will also probably be at least one decent art gallery, theatre, concert hall etc - all of which should combine traditional and new work. Lots of this will be free or low cost for children. Take him, or get your friends/ relatives to take him as often as possible.

Speaking of f & f - identify those with interesting careers or aspirations or minds and encourage him to spend time with them. He should always be thinking about his school life in the context of the wider world.

@SarahMused

Some good advice already here but some things I would add as an ex comprehensive school teacher and parent of 4 comprehensive school educated kids (in a secondary in special measures for a few years). If the school sets in some subjects your child will be insulated from a lot of the disruption if they are in the higher sets. Find out what the school offers in extra curricular opportunities. Sometimes schools can have links with local universities which can be excellent. Encourage your child to develop a good network of friends who also want to learn and do well at school so it seems the normal way to behave. Make sure they have somewhere quiet to study. Outside school do stuff with them. There is so much for free if you can get to any decent sized city. Cook and eat together in the evening if you can and discuss interesting topics together.

I'd second this.

I've taught in many an "interesting" school and there are always lovely kids with a good work ethic who do well.

As long as a child has the necessary learning skills, the next best thing you can do is feed their curiosity and give them broad experiences outside of school (and that doesn't mean fancy, expensive things)

Sounds like you’re going in with eyes wide open, which is sensible.
Echo what others have said about scouting/cadets and building up a life outside school - gives lots of Dof E and other adventure activities and a whole other circle of friends outside of school.

My son went to a very ordinary/just about adequate comp (on paper) with way more than it’s fair share of children who needed a lot of behaviour support (we’ve moved area and he’s at a different, much ‘posher’ school now but feels the teaching at his first school was amazing and most of the staff were really supportive ).

He learned a lot from it in terms of setting his own course and ignoring disruptive behaviour; knowing how to find a line between making connections with other kids but distancing himself from the trickier behaviour; in the one or two subjects that were set was able to make great progress, and the teachers in other subjects gave great feedback when he engaged and worked hard (they had a lovely system for sending postcards home which he liked as finds ‘public’ praise really embarrassing)

Having something a bit ‘cool’ like martial arts etc can help too (and also offer different social groups outside of school)

The one area his school really struggled with was languages (behaviour seemed really bad, not sure why), and had he stayed I would have looked at what else we could have done to support that area of learning.

Rightly/wrongly I also made sure there was nothing that made him ‘stand out’ and before he started I checked with other parents what shoes/bags/snacks most other kids have, which was helpful. I saved the carrot sticks etc for home and he took crisps in for snacks etc

Trll your dc, they need to keep their head down, work hardcand when they have sets aim to be in a top set. The behaviour wont be perfect but it will be better. Dont all lile in about this, this isnt abput pupils or lower snility being badly behaved, its tje kids eho dont care and dont do any work thatvare put into the lower sets and disruptbthem.

Keep an eye on friendship groups.

Any incidents report, report, report. School might be limited what they can do but you need to show them you have expectations for your chold to be safe, well and achieve.

Kerp communjjcation open withnteachers wherever you can.

We rrward dc with their monthly spend via crefits system to make them eager to earn credits!

In school clibs can be goid but def clubs away from school to have interssts away from that environment