To ask as a parent what I can do to make the most out of a shit secondary school?

[kheer]

I have a Ds who will be attending the dire local comp. Its shit and I would love my child to have gone to one of the few decent secondary schools in my town but I live where I live and could never have moved to an area with better schools. It is what it is.

So I am thinking ok so what can I do to support him, to nurture him so he gets the best out of those years.

Weirdly even though I live in a very deprived area we are walking distance to a private school which I did visit for a nosy and was blown away by it. The extra curricular stuff was amazing, the trips they went on, the Duke of Edinburgh award, the sporting opportunities, volunteering etc.some stuff the state schools just didn't have. A child would not just get a good education but they'd really be a really well rounded person by the end of it. (Hopefully!).

So obviously I know I can't replicate this for my child but I'm thinking there might be some things I can do as a parent and wondered if you could provide some helpful advice for me.

First of all with you in his corner he already has a big advantage. Someone cares about him, wants him to do well and is actively engaged in giving him the best possible start.
Personally all these suggestions make sense and I can’t add anything from an academic perspective.
What I can add as someone that went to a challenging school, is take as much interest in who he’s friends with, whether he is happy, and does he have a good sense of self worth and confidence? The lack of these have held me back far more than mediocre grades would have (my grades were ok, could’ve been better)
There are so many ways to get the academic side back on track, but I think it’s harder to get over the social, emotional and mental health side of a poor environment.
Plus remember your son could thrive regardless, nothing is set in stone.

@Whatwouldscullydoif my child's friends had been moved out of the class and they had been left on their own to deal with badly behaved kids on their own then I would be in touch with the school every single day until my child was moved too. If they have done it for one child they can do it for others

Easier said than done when the classes are all over 30 kids. Plus it was only done for the kore serious personal targeted incidents. Police involvement for one case.

Shes yr 10 now so you cabt just randomly move options classes/teachers.

Shes resigned to the behaviour in general now anyway. As a gay goth shes gonna be subject to the same crap everywhere.

The biggest issue is the teaching. Covid has really disrupted it. She's had a lot of supply teachers. All her favourite teachers who really got her and she really trusted have left. We are now resigned to catching up at college

Look into the after school clubs at the secondary school.
Join a local football/rugby club (youth teams)

Try to have a positive attitude.

@Whatwouldscullydo

I am a firm believer that children will do well regardless of how shit the school is as long as they are willing to put the work in and have their parents support

I'm sorry that's just so naive. They may do ok. But that doesn't mean they reach their potential. And it's impossible to get much at all done in the current state of endless supply teachers and disrupted classes

And many parents are supportive. But what they don't necessarily have is the time, or educational level or money to make up the deficit at home. If we could all afford tutors and endless resources and had the time and ability to provide the support ajd education at home then we'd not be sending them.to the school.in the first place.

Not naive, I speak from experience. I work in a grammar school and a lot of parents think their job is done once their DC pass the 11+. Then they wonder why their kids are not predicted A/A* grades. The shock when they are told their children are falling behind blaming teachers, while at the same time refusing to send them to after-school catch-up sessions as it will mean missing the school bus.

It’s not even down to the standard of teaching, as grammar schools have their fair share of teachers going through the motions. It is very easy to blame schools/teachers etc for children not reaching their potential, but parents also need to accept some responsibility.

Neither of my children passed the 11+. My younger is in the local school, not considered the worst, but definitely not the best. My elder son is currently doing his A levels, he switched schools to do the subjects he wanted. He is definitely not one of those lucky kids that can study the night before and get top marks. His new school has an outstanding ofsted, but this is not a guarantee of success if you do not put the work in.

It is also not about paying for tutoring, or having an educational background, it is about playing an active part in your child’s education and being proactive and supportive. I know this isn’t easy as my younger son is an absolute nightmare and even though he is in Y10, I still have to check that he’s done his homework to a decent standard, handed it in etc. This is not something I enjoy doing, but it’s necessary to make sure he’s reaching his full potential, he might not come out with a handful of As but at least I will know I did all I could to help him do the best he can.

I agree parents have to take a supportive role.

But we do also expect kids to work in conditions we would never tolerate as adults. And have mindsets on a daily visit that most adults aren't always capable.of.

I went to Oxbridge from an Ofsted 'inadequate' rated comp. The best thing you can do is try to maintain your son's interest in learning/in the subjects. At my school we weren't moving forward in the curriculum a lot of the time because we just had supply teachers so it was boring and behaviour was bad. Having the drive to learn the stuff independently basically got me through.

Also interested,

Our local school is horrendous. Trying to talk about it in a positive light to children is hard!

I know lots of PPs are saying scouts, but if you have an air cadet squadron near to you then that is definitely worth considering. They do full DofE, plus so so much more with opportunities to gain qualifications and learn to fly!
The earliest your DS could join is yr 8 so you have plenty of time, but honestly the amount of enrichment he will get is amazing and he will get to make friendships with other kids from other schools.

One thing to check (sorry if already stated) is how good the school is for better students. Some do really well for the academically strong so a small bunch have a good chance to succeed.

Youth groups do D of E.

My DS has joined the local Air Cadet unit. The opportunities he is getting there are fantastic.

Stem clubs, robot building, he's got a gliding badge, music camps, space camp in the USA! There's also DofE and qualifications.

Uniform provided (not footwear). Cost very affordable with fundraising for big camps and expeditions.

He's learned how to iron and polish his shoes.

Totally worth it if you have a unit near you. I was an Army Cadet but I think Air Cadets have the edge now.

@Whatwouldscullydo

I agree parents have to take a supportive role.

But we do also expect kids to work in conditions we would never tolerate as adults. And have mindsets on a daily visit that most adults aren't always capable.of.

So true.

I went to a shit comp. I kept my head down, worked hard and mainly survived. Was bullied horrendously for being smart (didnt help looking back that I had a bit of a spoilt only child vibe by my older parents). I had few friends in school but didnt really socialise outside of school.

My parents were smart. They put me in every activity going so I tried everything, found what I loved and made excellent friends outside of school - st John's ambulance cadets, guides, swimming, gymnastics, trampoline, etc. Discovered cadets at 13/14 and didnt look back, opened up whole new social circle, away most weekends doing activities and all d of e awards.

My parents actively encouraged me to make loads of friends outside of school and kept me too busy to hang of street corners like most of my school. Teachers were really encouraging as I worked hard and was polite.

I constantly tell my kids. It's what you make of a school.

Does the school have sets? I went to a school with an awful reputation. First year was a bit disrupted by the more challenging kids but as others have said, later on they are on more appropriate pathways
I did very well. The higher sets were fine and had some good teachers.
So encourage them to try and maybe consider a bit of extra tutoring if you can afford it.
The plus side is you learn the realities of life and difficulties others face.
It can also be great for confidence to be a better kid in a worse school rather than constantly feeling the poor one at a better school

Our local school has mixed learning in each class not sets. I don't get why you wouldn't group abilities

Just to add my friends and I all went to the local not so fab comp and know some folk that went to the local private school. By and large we all did great one is a dr , forensic accountant , pharmacist etc

Can you really not move area and / or apply for scholarships to private schools?

Honestly give it a go but I would be tempted to keep him home if it is as bad as your anticipating. I went to one of these schools and it was bad. I ended up scraping four C grades but I could have done that at home. Single parent household, mum at work all day but I feel I still would have been better off at home on my lonesome completing work that had been arranged for me. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear.

My secondary was shit and I’ve done a fair bit of widening participation work in my professional life. One of the biggest things is aspiration or a lack of it. I looked up my old school and it’s score for progressing to good universities is dire despite some of the more academic kids doing ok at Alevel. The school still has an aspiration problem years and years later and I don’t know why. Try and open his eyes to options, go to open days or summer schools at universities, find talks online that show people can and do succeed from tough schools.

The OP would be looking primarily for means-tested bursaries rather than scholarships (usually tiny amounts now, based on merit) but some schools make scholarship awards the gateway to bursary assistance. It’s possible she has missed deadlines - but they may be shorter for day schools than boarding.

I wish more parents knew that this is possible. But obviously most children will not be shipped out of the state system so it’s useful to consider ways to support children outside school. (And most state schools probably aren’t completely shit.)

I’m wondering if you live near me because the local comp still has a bad reputation and we live just about within walking distance of a very posh private school😉

Anyway, both my dses have been through the local very average comp, ds1 is at Oxford, DS2 missed out on Oxford at interview stage but has offers from excellent universities so good outcomes can be achieved. The school had a horrendous reputation until a few years ago, it’s still not great but their results aren’t truly reflective of what is really excellent and supportive teaching staff. My dses have received excellent support.

If your dc are motivated they should receive support and nurturing, even in a less high achieiving school. Encourage them to participate as much as possible in extra curricular activities and engage as much as you can in their learning. Knowing where they are at, strengths and weaknesses.

Encourage reading around subjects and general reading.Look for age related reading lists, the English department might have one if you ask. I like the suggestion of Radio 4, both my adult DS still listen to Today , and things like More or Less and Just A Minute and did so through Uni as well. Programmes such as Horizon are good as well.
Agree with a martial art. DN found that once the bullies know they can look after themselves they back off.
Scouts or Army/Air cadets also good and do DoE. DN did trip to Japan with Scouts a few years back. DS learnt to kayak with Scouts

Yes and there are many courses that require 3 a levels to get onto. Grades like 2as and a be ( or presumably number equivalent now) ny dds school when I last checked it had an average a level grade of a D. Amd given you have ro score highly enough at gcse level to qualify entry to do a levels in schools that have average percentages-c outcomes ranging between 19 percent about 50-55. U can surely see the problem?

Yes and there are alternative routes to getting a qualification if that’s what they want to do. If you fixate on GCSE then A levels then Uni, you are setting them up for failure. They can still do all that if they want just on a different timeline.