To ask as a parent what I can do to make the most out of a shit secondary school?

[kheer]

I have a Ds who will be attending the dire local comp. Its shit and I would love my child to have gone to one of the few decent secondary schools in my town but I live where I live and could never have moved to an area with better schools. It is what it is.

So I am thinking ok so what can I do to support him, to nurture him so he gets the best out of those years.

Weirdly even though I live in a very deprived area we are walking distance to a private school which I did visit for a nosy and was blown away by it. The extra curricular stuff was amazing, the trips they went on, the Duke of Edinburgh award, the sporting opportunities, volunteering etc.some stuff the state schools just didn't have. A child would not just get a good education but they'd really be a really well rounded person by the end of it. (Hopefully!).

So obviously I know I can't replicate this for my child but I'm thinking there might be some things I can do as a parent and wondered if you could provide some helpful advice for me.

My daughter goes to terrible state secondary. She has an English tutor, which is in part because it's a crap school, part because she is dyslexic and needs extra support and partly because a cover supervisor has been 'teaching' them for 75% of the term. I haven't seen an improvement yet but then the tutor is basically the only person actually teaching her English so just fire fighting at the mo! We encourage reading at home, go to the library once or twice a week. Toying with the thought of getting some kind of online maths course..but pretty sure she would rebel at this as she has tons of homework. The homework she has has be taught to her by us as her teacher's don't seem able! Anyway good luck, it's abit crap to be honest!

Doing DofE outside school:samsykesltd.co.uk/dofe/resources/who-is-eligible-to-complete-a-duke-of-edinburgh-award

@NoToLandfill

Can you apply for a bursary place at the private school?

That's what I was going to suggest!

Does your ds have a particular talent? Does he excel at sports or academics?

It's worthwhile looking at outside activities that will enhance him as an all round person too.
Also get him to really focus on working hard on homework and using the bbc apps etc to learn.

My ds started at a shit academy in year 7. He's have never got the education he got if I hadn't moved him. We were 'lucky' he moved in a managed move due to him having a disability and them being so shit they made him ill and new school was named on his EHCP.

I think the fact that you're even asking the question is really positive, OP. He's got a parent who cares for him and really wants to support him, and who understands what that might involve. That means he's already got a lot of advantages. Give yourself a lot of credit OP because you're a good parent and your son is lucky to have you.

I have had some success in life despite my secondary school, not because of it. Going to a shitty school doesn't have to be a disaster if he wants to do well.

Would home schooling be an option?

Many 'shit' schools are often far from shit, they usually have a difficult and deprived catchment area with disinterested parents and often little support from the local authority. It doesn't make the learning/teaching bad.
Those schools still do things like DofE (and often offer support with any associated costs)..

The absolute key is the friends he makes. It's incredibly difficult to swim against the tide if his friends have no interest in learning and parents who don't give a single fuck about what their child gets up to in school and outside it.
Cadets is a good shout, martial arts, anything where he can make some friends outside of school as well as in it.

I am a firm believer that children will do well regardless of how shit the school is as long as they are willing to put the work in and have their parents support. If there is one thing you can do it is to encourage him to read every day. Encourage him to use the school library. If the library is under-funded, if its an option get him a kindle e-reader preferable to a kindle fire or his phone as he’ll be allowed to use it to read in school.
it’s not the end of the world, once he gets through his GCSEs he can transfer to a different sixth-form if that’s what he wants.

My children's school was considered shit locally, they did DofE, volunteering and sport. We used tutors when we needed to which wasn't very often. The reality was nowhere near as bad as the local talk suggested tbh. They're both at university now.

I am a firm believer that children will do well regardless of how shit the school is as long as they are willing to put the work in and have their parents support

I'm sorry that's just so naive. They may do ok. But that doesn't mean they reach their potential. And it's impossible to get much at all done in the current state of endless supply teachers and disrupted classes

And many parents are supportive. But what they don't necessarily have is the time, or educational level or money to make up the deficit at home. If we could all afford tutors and endless resources and had the time and ability to provide the support ajd education at home then we'd not be sending them.to the school.in the first place.

Agree with others.

It's the peer group of students that make the most difference, not the school. If he's in the top sets he'll probably never notice the nightmare students.

And, yes, if you get involved and volunteer, he WILL get special treatment from teachers- not necessarily because they have favourites, but because they'll know who he is in a positive way. There are little hidden networks of supportive, positive parents in even the worst schools. The fact that those parents are modelling positive attitudes means their kids tend to be the best and most engaged. Plus, if you're engaged, you can help turn the school around.

Don’t send him and home educate him. You can do a far better job yourself and mostly importantly have a happier child.

I feel sorry for decent kids with caring parents knowing they have no choice but to send their DC to schools with too many DC with learning and behavioural difficulties, unmanaged, from neglectful chaotic homes. I feel sorry for those kids, too, but I don't want them in my child's class, thanks.

I went to private school and a lot of the parents seemed to share your attitude. Unfortunately, it rubbed off on their children many of whom grew up to be entitled, arrogant, oblivious to their own privilege and completely uninterested in issues that impact those outside their own cosy 'bubble'. It turns out there are far worse things for a child's development than going to a 'shit' school. Being raised by adults who lack empathy is definitely one of them.

Reading, a child that reads (fiction/non fiction doesn’t matter) has a huge advantage.

@neverbeenskiing

I feel sorry for decent kids with caring parents knowing they have no choice but to send their DC to schools with too many DC with learning and behavioural difficulties, unmanaged, from neglectful chaotic homes. I feel sorry for those kids, too, but I don't want them in my child's class, thanks.

I went to private school and a lot of the parents seemed to share your attitude. Unfortunately, it rubbed off on their children many of whom grew up to be entitled, arrogant, oblivious to their own privilege and completely uninterested in issues that impact those outside their own cosy 'bubble'. It turns out there are far worse things for a child's development than going to a 'shit' school. Being raised by adults who lack empathy is definitely one of them.

Hear, hear. My children go to a school with a high proportion of SEN, emotional and behavioural difficulties and poor families. But I am happy they are in an inclusive environment, and the staff are fantastic.

My oldest left last year and is going to Cambridge.

@MyDcAreMarvel

Don’t send him and home educate him. You can do a far better job yourself and mostly importantly have a happier child.

I don't understand this at all - I've got 4 degrees, and I don't think I'd be able to educate my secondary school child.

I really think being in the top set of a comprehensive makes all the difference sadly.

Take him to museums, art galleries etc even if he races thru them, doesn't matter. If u can find before u go details of something there you'll know he'll like and show him. Watch news with him. Tell him it's important for him to know what's going on in world. When there's elections talk about them, ask him your opinion, tell him yours. Get him reading, fiction, non fiction doesn't matter, follow his interests. Get him into team sport, r drama, something that involves other people. Get him playing musical instrument. Borrow foreign language CDs from library. Pay attention to his school work, talk about it with him.

Essentially be involved, discuss stuff, esp stuff he wants to talk about with him.

Also I'd make PT to him that world is his oyster, so it's worth his effort doing exams to give himself a range of choices. Also have fun with him, which tbf, talking and discussing stuff with him will give you!

I've taught in a private school (abroad) and in an 'inadequate' comp and a 'good' comp in the UK.

One thing to note is that state schools don't have to compete for students in the same way as private schools. This means that state schools don't always put so much effort into open days and advertising all of their extracurricular opportunities. Both comps I've worked in offer D of E, volunteering and extracurricular sport (although the facilities might not be as good as in a private school). I'm not sure this has ever been advertised at the open evenings, though.

Ella, I agree.

A previous poster mentioned the op / those viewing shit cmps as a terrinle place to get behibdcthe parents fighting for the kids... Sadly in ours the majority arent fighting for their kids - they dont care. Families dont care and kids are having parents approve of drfiant troublesome behaviour. School is simply a legal requirement to be passed through, tolerated.

Yes, there are parents who are fighting forvtheir children - sen needs that however caringvsime staff. Might be, tje senco provision is shit, snd no one is fighting their corner , families with distressing circumstances that nedd supporyor families who want to deal with a child that wont behave, but these arent the majority, anf they are usually havingbenough of a battle to getbtheir own needs met, let alone fight abbattle of a school.

Plus, if a trust or academy has taken over, poor management can destroy a school.

Look at atlases, play distionary game or take turns looking at dictionary, choosing word, reading definition and other person r people guess it... It's not about learning words it's about developing interests etc in stuff

I couldn't recommend scouts highly enough. Taught them tons of activities, great way to meet friends and gets them outside actually doing stuff, can do DofE etc.

Friendship groups are key too.

If it makes you feel any better I have attended a very good private secondary school and seen some kids there completely fuck up their education because they just weren’t motivated at all. So I completely agree with previous posters that attitude, hard work and motivation are the most important thing. Support him, take him on trips / museums during weekends and holidays if you can afford it. I buy my DC a new book every month to stimulate his education and I intend on doing this until he’s an adult if I can keep affording to do this for him. Help him with his homework and stimulate him to find hobbies that will help him discover things he finds interesting. Perhaps he can do some volunteering.
It takes more initiative but he can find ways to get more education in other ways

My DCs go to a v large comp that doesn’t do well in Ofsted and is in a very grammar dominated area. We chose easy journey time and broader curriculum over grammar - as well as a few other reasons including SEN and having moved from urban to rural in lockdown.

The teachers have all been great and very caring. The facilities are great. They have lots of choices and now they are in y9 (as mentioned above) a lot of the idiots have chosen other subjects or are in different sets. Mine DC is able to spend all lunchtime doing ceramics, the others do music or STEM club and all sorts. The school is really supportive of them as they are keen to learn. I am happy with our choice.

Have you visited?

I went to a ‘shit’ secondary. So shit it was closed down in fact. Despite this a fair few of my peers did very well for themselves and went to some of the top Uni’s in the country.