Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To worry my husband won’t fancy me

122 replies

Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 17:52

Maybe I am just having a down day but since I have reached 30 I have become aware that my looks will soon start to decline…have already noticed the signs of ageing and am really insecure that my husband will start looking at younger women and no longer finding me attractive. Sorry if this sounds really shallow of me I don’t mean it to be that way and I do know it’s not all about looks etc. Any words of wisdom and AIBU?

OP posts:

SexyLittleNosferatu · 18/02/2022 17:54

I find taking up with the houseboy alleviates such concerns. Could you try that?

Jedsnewstar · 18/02/2022 17:55

Is he planning to freeze in time. He’s aging too. Does he come across as a guy who would do this, if so why did you marry him?

StarsAndSugarlumps · 18/02/2022 17:55

I would love to say you are wrong, but (at nearly 50) my experience has been that while my husband still definitely loves me he no longer fancies me

It’s the little things. I used to catch him looking at me. He used to take photos of me if we were on holiday, not just of the view.

NotNowBoris · 18/02/2022 17:56

Well hopefully you picked someone who is in to you for more than your looks. Only you know that I suppose. He will age too though, as we all will. It's just one of those facts of life. Are you generally insecure about your relationship?

Original poster

Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 17:56

No he really isn’t the kind of guy that would do that honestly! It’s just in my head as you hear of so many men leaving their older wives for younger women and It’s just awful.

OP posts:

Imdonna · 18/02/2022 17:58

@Samantha312

Do you believe your husband is that shallow that he is only with you for your looks?

If not and you know he married you because he loved you and still loves you, then this is an issue that you have internally.

There's no one way to fix that. Because it depends on why you feel like this. I realised at about 33 my style had never evolved. I redid my wardrobe, make up and hair and it made me feel amazing. But that was because that was my issue. That my style didn't fit who I was. If you are generally insecure, that may not help that much.

Have you always been insecure about your looks? Is this recurring for you?

I am approaching 40 and honestly, I think aging has been great. I am more confident in myself, more comfortable with myself. Alot happier and calmer.

Aging, can be a great thing.

Original poster

Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 17:58

I am worried that it will bother me when he see’s a young attractive woman and it will affect me.

OP posts:

talkingbubble · 18/02/2022 17:58

Yes he likely will stop fancying you, but not at 30. More like 50 I'd say. But then only if he's a self-absorbed bell-end, and you'll be well-shot of him anyway!

crosbystillsandmash · 18/02/2022 17:58

@Jedsnewstar

Is he planning to freeze in time. He’s aging too. Does he come across as a guy who would do this, if so why did you marry him?

This!! Presumably he's ageing too?

Generally, women age a lot better than men. My dh is considerably younger than me and when he first met all my friends and partners, he initially thought the men were a lot older. He had no male friends who were 35+ until he met me and no real concept of how men might look at that age and beyond!

talkingbubble · 18/02/2022 17:59

@Samantha312

I am worried that it will bother me when he see’s a young attractive woman and it will affect me.

Why will it affect you?

doodleygirl · 18/02/2022 17:59

Don’t be ridiculous

Original poster

Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 18:00

@Imdonna love this post thank you 😊 yes I am very insecure I think which is sad I suppose

OP posts:

Ionlydomassiveones · 18/02/2022 18:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

talkingbubble · 18/02/2022 18:00

@SexyLittleNosferatu

I find taking up with the houseboy alleviates such concerns. Could you try that?

'houseboy' oh my word!

much

Original poster

Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 18:01

@talkingbubble I see it all the time..older married man gorPing at younger women and it’s really off putting and I’m guessing it doesn’t make the wife feel great that’s all.

OP posts:

TripTrappingOverMyBridge · 18/02/2022 18:02

@talkingbubble

Yes he likely will stop fancying you, but not at 30. More like 50 I'd say. But then only if he's a self-absorbed bell-end, and you'll be well-shot of him anyway!

PMSL. I am 50 and have daily evidence that my partner fancies me. We're not exactly in our graves yet!

VodselForDinner · 18/02/2022 18:03

How sad to think so lowly of your husband.

Imdonna · 18/02/2022 18:03

[quote Samantha312]@Imdonna love this post thank you 😊 yes I am very insecure I think which is sad I suppose[/quote]
So this is just another way your insecurities are manifesting. You are now focusing on aging, that's where you are putting your insecurities.

That's what you need to tackle. Your insecurities in general. Not where they are currently focused

Honestly though, he will see women he fonds attractive. Most people do notice if someone they find attractive walks past. But that's really OK and not a reflection of how he feels about you.

IckyPop · 18/02/2022 18:03

@SexyLittleNosferatu

I find taking up with the houseboy alleviates such concerns. Could you try that?

🤣

Ionlydomassiveones · 18/02/2022 18:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster

Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 18:06

@VodselForDinner yes it is very sad as he’s never give me a reason to think this way at all!!! I’m just pathetic I suppose

OP posts:

talkingbubble · 18/02/2022 18:08

[quote Samantha312]@talkingbubble I see it all the time..older married man gorPing at younger women and it’s really off putting and I’m guessing it doesn’t make the wife feel great that’s all.[/quote]
You don't need this sort of validation.
Yes, a lot of men gorp at younger women and I used to see a lot of middle aged and older men gorping at my daughter from pretty much the age of 13 (she looked older). I do not know how I managed not to confront them, but made sure I stared at them until they noticed I was looking at them, then they'd scurry away, most of the time walking beside their wife.
Do you have any idea what they're actually thinking when they start looking at girls/women other than you? I can tell you for a fact that they are not appreciating her beauty and thinking 'oh, she's more beautiful than my wife/GF'!
You have value, so much more value than being 'attractive to men'.

LollyLol · 18/02/2022 18:09

So when your dh shows signs of ageing, will you start shopping around for an upgrade? I find it a bit sexist and depressing that you are thinking about it in these terms. If you and your dh aren’t any longer attracted to each other and if that is a problem for one of you, then that’s your marriage over. You can also be happy together even if you don’t fancy each other, although it might not seem like it now.

Look good for yourself, if you want to. Not in some desperate effort to stop your DH from wandering.

TooManyPJs · 18/02/2022 18:16

I am nearly 50 and about 3 stone overweight due to chronic illness. And my DH still fancies me. I have evidence 😄 I definitely still fancy him. 30 is nothing. Honestly.

vixeyann · 18/02/2022 18:20

I bet your husband isn't spending time worrying if you are going to fancy him as he ages...pretty sure mine doesn't! I'm 40 now and can appreciate your worries but, have to say, as I've got older care less and don't worry about this sort of thing. Most of the time is spent worrying about kids or our old house falling down!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread