To worry my husband won’t fancy me

[Samantha312]

Maybe I am just having a down day but since I have reached 30 I have become aware that my looks will soon start to decline…have already noticed the signs of ageing and am really insecure that my husband will start looking at younger women and no longer finding me attractive. Sorry if this sounds really shallow of me I don’t mean it to be that way and I do know it’s not all about looks etc. Any words of wisdom and AIBU?

@peaceanddove

When I met DH he played rugby for the university, he had a 6 pack, great arse and a chiselled jaw. Thirty years later and the 6 pack is long gone, as is the chiselled jaw (still got a great arse though), he's overweight and going grey.

But I still think he's gorgeous because I still love him and just don't notice the bad bits. All I see are the good bits - his bum, great smile, lovely hairy chest, muscley legs, nice hands.

Oh yes, my DHs arse is still bloody amazing. Love a good arse!

He still loves when I buy new knickers as he has similar feelings about mine

My mum is in her 70s and my dad still adores her, and fancies her.

I'm in my 50s and my boyfriend only has eyes for me (and he's slightly younger).

In my experience, most men do not leave their wives for younger women. Most men are with women of a similar age. And even when they split up, they go on to date women their own age. In my experience.

And in my experience of being older, most women age a lot better than men.

I've just turned 50. DH is 53. We've been together 32 years.
He still fancies and adores me. Everyone ages!
You are worrying yourself unnecessarily.

When you hit 50 you'll probably be relieved if he doesn't fancy you if you're neutered by menopause.

In the nicest possible way OP you need to get a grip. Where to start with this:

a) I feel far more attractive at 50 than I ever did at 30. I'm much more confident, I know who I am and what I do and don't want. I have my own money, my own opinions and I could give a tinker's fuck what people think of me and my looks. By far the most attractive thing about a woman is confidence.

b) If he's going to stop fancying you because you've aged he's not a keeper and you don't want to be with him.

Bloody hell your’e only 30 OP!. I have a DD who is nearly your age and I still get chatted up by her friends! So I think you’re doing older women a huge injustice by making out they’re not attractive any more past 30, and I think your’e doing your DH and other men a massive injustice too by assuming they are all so shallow!

I feel sad for you. Me and my DH have talked about getting old and hope we are still together and alive for a long time. We enjoy every part of our relationship. We used to have young children but now we have a grandchild. We still love and fancy each other.

@Roadhouse111 Just loving the idea of copping a feel of your mum! Best typo’ award right there.

OP, you are nobbut a lass! Barely out of your twenties. Where have you acquired such an attitude to yourself? If you have the misfortune to cohabit with a superficial dickhead, get rid. As to sex and relationships: long-term partnerships go through all sorts of stages, ones where you can’t keep your hands off each other, ones where you barely remember what sex is all about and everything in between. Durable love and mutual respect helps you through the changes - which are inevitable, physical and emotional. Yes, we live in a sadly superficial world and some men appear to believe they are enduringly ravishing to women in spite of evidence to the contrary. I’ve raised an eyebrow whilst greying and paunchy male friends protest that the fantasy figures of their youth have ‘got old’. I’ve put up with sexist crap and the truly awful ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ comments about older women dressing confidently. I’m not going to cease to view myself as a sexual being because I’m over a certain age. And neither should you - at your age it would be tragic.

@Samantha312

I don’t think it is my perception of beauty but I think society makes us believe that over 30 we are just past it? I do find that quite depressing

Does it though? Beyoncé is 40 ffs

Lovely girl, right up until he died my dad clearly found my mum a right hottie and they were 73. My fil still pinched my mils bum when he thinks no one can see. He's 80 this year and she's 76.

My dh tells me I'm fucking gorgeous every day. I am in peri menopause, 3 stone overweight and dress in yoga pants and T-shirts with a disproportionate amount of Harry Potter themed stuff.

Maybe work on your own self esteem and stop worrying about what he thinks? Maybe ask him? So sad that today's society appears to value women as decorative objects for men to use and discards when their looks fade.

Op. Train for a job where you are valued for who you are and pays well. If your dh is as shallow as you say then he can be dumped too.

@inheritancetrack

Maybe work on your own self esteem and stop worrying about what he thinks? Maybe ask him? So sad that today's society appears to value women as decorative objects for men to use and discards when their looks fade.

Op. Train for a job where you are valued for who you are and pays well. If your dh is as shallow as you say then he can be dumped too.

This

Oh OP
I'm sorry that you are so insecure & my advice is that you work on that as it really can be a relationship killer & then it can become a self fulfilling prophesy.
Neediness/ insecurity are v hard things to live with as a partner.
As others have said you're focusing on the wrong things here. Society does not all us that women over 30 are past it!
I speak as a 52 year old! I am in my PRIME now.
I am healthy & sexy & at the top of my game career wise. I am confident & at ease in every social situation I can imagine.
I know people find me attractive. I dress very well & can afford to do so. I have looked after myself over the years but it's more about the confidence I think.
I only met dh the year i turned 30 & he's 4 years younger than me & he most certainly did not find me past it & still doesn't to this day
We have dc & like many couples we sort oh lost ourselves in that tiny baby/ child phase for a while but we realised & started making time for us as a couple again & since then we've always been mindful of that.
Dc are now on the verge of flying the nest & dh & I are stronger than ever.

Work on your relationship with your dh & not just the physical attraction side of things. Be vulnerable. Let each other in. Keep communicating at the deepest level. Be honest with each other. That's what will keep you together in the long term.

I also agree with a pp that in real life our circle of friends are mostly in our own age group & I personally don't know anyone who has left a partner for a significantly younger model. There have been breakups & new relationships formed but all within more or less the same age group

My dh says he has no interest in a 20 something & he prefer older women as he finds them way sexier due to their confidence & life experience. In his 20s he dated several women in their 30s. Including me!
Speak to your husband- you might be surprised about what he has to say!

I always thought it wouldn’t bother me getting older as yes it is a privilege that some people do not get. I also never understood why people got Botox/fillers etc but I’m quite surprised at how much is has bothered me, maybe I am a bit depressed atm

Women are at their physical prime I think in their 30s so don't assume it's downhill from 30! You are peaking!! I'm 46 and defo seeing first signs of aging in recent years so you have a good 15 years to enjoy being prime woman!!!

[quote Samantha312]@snocopops Sorry, really didn’t mean to offend you. Personally I have seen smoking hot women in their 40’s so it’s not my personal opinion I just feel society makes us feel that way and you hear of men leaving their wives for younger models.[/quote]
If your DH does leave you for a younger model, then he is a superficial shit who wasn't worth having in the first place.

Do most women struggle with ageing? Or not really?

30 is still very young! You and your partner will both be aging, and probably you will both look at attractive people and admire them ... It's normal, at any age.

@Samantha312 i don't mean this unkindly but has your husband in any way made you think that as soon as you are in your 30s he won't fancy you ?

@Samantha312

Do most women struggle with ageing? Or not really?

I definitely didn't at 30! Ironically I looked pretty rough as I had 2 young dc and quite a stressful life. I'm 50 and look fine, more than fine actually! Dh is considerably younger than me but I never worry about him fancying me, quite the opposite, there are some days I could do with him fancying me less!! I think the way you feel may reflect the attitude of your dh more than anything else?

@Samantha312

Do most women struggle with ageing? Or not really?

I dont. Not really. As I said I almost 40. My kids are more independent, I have more disposable income, more rime, more knowledge and more life experiences.

I wouldn't have all that if I wasn't this age.

Honestly, what the alternative to aging? It's dying. I saw something once that said something like 'ageing is a gift not afforded to everyone'.

I might be more accepting because I have lost quote a few friends/school mates/ colleagues. I feel immensely lucky and privileged to be here and to be watching no kids grow up.

Nearly 48. No not really. Got bigger things to worry about.