To worry my husband won’t fancy me

[Samantha312]

Maybe I am just having a down day but since I have reached 30 I have become aware that my looks will soon start to decline…have already noticed the signs of ageing and am really insecure that my husband will start looking at younger women and no longer finding me attractive. Sorry if this sounds really shallow of me I don’t mean it to be that way and I do know it’s not all about looks etc. Any words of wisdom and AIBU?

OP I understand what you mean. I am late 30's with a husband 6 years younger. We have been together for 13 years and he has never done a single thing to make me think he doesn't find me attractive so I know that my fear is all me and nothing to do with him if that makes sense.

I am 44, wrinkled, riddled with chronic pain and 4 stone overweight. My dh couldn't give a shiny shit as long as we still watch shit tv and share a bed. The whole point of marriage is it's meant to be forever so you grow old together. As you age so will he. Do you think he's worried you won't fancy him back?

As long as there's no actual red flags just do what you need to make yourself feel good (I should probably take that advice!)

I understand you, but if you are secure that he loves you and you're both happy and putting the work in then looks shouldn't matter too much.

I have fancied some people that others would considering not good looking because I liked their personality which made them attractive. I'm not sure if many men do that though, their drive and intentions seem to be wired different.

There is no reason why he won’t because your relationship isn’t just about being attracted to each other on a superficial level

Of course when you are older you not as attractive to as many men/women but that doesn’t mean you are not attractive I don’t get looked at the same way but I’m still attractive but not like I was that’s life

Stop spending time worrying it’s wasted energy it really is

Well he’ll be aging too and if he were the type of man to leave you because of how you look them he wasn’t worth having.

The dicks who leave their wives for younger models aren’t worth having. Who gives a shit what they do?!

@OhWhyNot

There is no reason why he won’t because your relationship isn’t just about being attracted to each other on a superficial level

Of course when you are older you not as attractive to as many men/women but that doesn’t mean you are not attractive I don’t get looked at the same way but I’m still attractive but not like I was that’s life

Stop spending time worrying it’s wasted energy it really is

"There is no reason why he won’t because your relationship isn’t just about being attracted to each other on a superficial level."

Well my relationship isn't, and I assume yours isn't either. But maybe the OP's is, or else this wouldn't be a concern. I think that's incredibly sad.

I'm 50 and my 31 yr old bf fancies me.
It really doesn't work like you think it works...
Unless your DH insists he is only attracted to 25 yr olds, in which case I'd run like feck trailing his red flags behind you.
Otherwise it will be fine .

Probably not what you want to hear OP but men really don't have very high standards so honestly as long as you're willing and ready to go he would fancy you enough anyway.

Do you ( or your DH) work in the industry too focused on looks? Is it because of this?
Tbh I think no one can tell you that this won’t happen, it depends what kind of guy he is and what he loves about you and why he’s married you so no guarantee at all. However you could be absolutely beautiful and perfect and it would still happen.

@Vaxhubsandwich

I'm 50 and my 31 yr old bf fancies me. It really doesn't work like you think it works... Unless your DH insists he is only attracted to 25 yr olds, in which case I'd run like feck trailing his red flags behind you. Otherwise it will be fine .

+1 (although my DP is 41)

I looked like shit for most of my twenties and thirties - I worked long hours in badly paid jobs, had a crap diet, drank and smoked too much.

Now I am healthy and successful, I can afford to eat and exercise properly and I have far more confidence and self assurance (I know there are men who don't like this, which I find helpful as they screen themselves out for exactly the reasons PP have said). Plus my hair is fabulous 😀

Why do you think that you will automatically be less desirable as you get older? If you know the reason, then you can take steps to make sure it doesn't happen .

My parents are both over 70 and my dad DEFINITELY still fancies my mom! It’s a bit nauseating sometimes but actually quite cute

I think if there were problems within your marriage,it may be because o f your insecurities. Partners, men, women can smell it a mile off and it's a big turnoff. Always tell your self you are fabulous!

The fuck OP?! You're 30 FGS. So young.

Are you in shape? Do you get Botox or anything? Do you take care of yourself?

And if your husband doesn't fancy you anymore than he can go fuck himself.

Up your self esteem girl, come on!!

I'm 44 and very ordinary looking, and have put on about 1.5 stone since we met but my husband has not gone off me in the slightest.

Remember, only you are looking at 'signs of aging' - no one else is squinting at 'that line on my forehead' or 'those lines around my eyes', just you. Honestly, no one notices.

@Samantha312

I don’t think it is my perception of beauty but I think society makes us believe that over 30 we are just past it? I do find that quite depressing

What society are you living in? Because the one I'm living in tells me life is getting better and better.

I'm 33 by the way. Love the way I look. But I take care of myself.

Yes,you sound very insecure, so stop having this mindset, lots of women actually look great when getting a bit older , and manage to have more confidence about themselves, and how they look etc. If you have the mindset, that men may look at younger women, well they will do, its always been the same, but is quite meaningless really.

To be honest, I have often seen men in their thirties, who have gone to seed, with blobby and paunchy bodies, who are badly dressed, and bald to boot,, who's wives /partners always make a big effort to look good.

No use at all, thinking the way you do,. if you have a good relationship witth your Husband, that's all that matters..

Op he’s seen you non made up, in pjs shoving food in your face, throwing up when you’re sick (I’m assuming😂). I think women in their 30s look beautiful and tbh, I look better than I did in my 20s. You know how to dress better, you’re more sure of yourself. So many pros!
If he loves you he’ll see the beauty as you age.
Also keep healthy as you want him to.

Oh to have the time and inclination to worry about such trivalities, without sounding harsh alot of people l know never had the priverledge of aging, they died young, would that be a better option for you ?

Goodness gracious don't worry about it!

Time is hardly standing still for him, is it????

Men get paunches, old men's bum, wrinkles the lot. Maybe you should be looking at him and thinking the same?

Married 35 years... my DH is still a very good looking man, but he's older . I keep myself fit and healthy and I look damn good for my age, and if you're worrying about this now... so will you.

and if you're worrying about this now... so will you

So will HE. If he's got any sense.

I know my DH looks at me and values me.

My ex- husband stopped fancying me, yes.

41 and divorced and am beating away attention from men 10 years younger .

There’s no formula. It’s true that it has nothing to do with age, it might change 60+ but I’m pleasantly surprised with my fourties so far

@SexyLittleNosferatu

I find taking up with the houseboy alleviates such concerns. Could you try that?

One post in and we have the solution 😂

OP you are younger women! You're 30!
The thing with ageing though is there are really only two options. You either get older or you die and frankly getting older is the overwhelming better option. So given that aging will happen, you need to help your head into a good place with it. It sounds like your husband hasn't actually shown any signs of looking elsewhere? Try to find a way to stop worrying about something that hasn't happened and also to embrace all that a long life has ahead.

@talkingbubble

Yes he likely will stop fancying you, but not at 30. More like 50 I'd say. But then only if he's a self-absorbed bell-end, and you'll be well-shot of him anyway!

Sigh. I'm 52 and your post stung because it's true. Women to be thrown away then, it seems. He left me for someone 30 years his junior.