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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry my husband won’t fancy me

122 replies

Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 17:52

Maybe I am just having a down day but since I have reached 30 I have become aware that my looks will soon start to decline…have already noticed the signs of ageing and am really insecure that my husband will start looking at younger women and no longer finding me attractive. Sorry if this sounds really shallow of me I don’t mean it to be that way and I do know it’s not all about looks etc. Any words of wisdom and AIBU?

OP posts:
Aweefatcat · 18/02/2022 20:34

My MIL is in her 70s, and it’s still so bloody obvious that FIL thinks she is a beautiful goddess.

Original poster
Samantha312 · 18/02/2022 20:46

@Fittleswade that’s the thing you didn’t know he would do that like I won’t know for sure if my DH will do that to me

OP posts:
RealBecca · 18/02/2022 20:54

The starojg at young women would bother me because yuck, weve all been that younger woman and the thought of my husband latching at some young girl like gods gift is such a turn off.

If he prefers young women he can go and have one. I'll indulge in living alone and maybe get a boyfriend at some point. Life is for living, you dont need to hang on to a man. If he wants to go leave the door open.

Women have plenty to enjoy without a man and any man would be lucky to have me (and you if you believe in yourself. I'm nothing special to look at but I'm worth more than my looks).

Fittleswade · 18/02/2022 20:54

@Samantha312 Confess I didn’t think it would happen to me. If this is a self-esteem issue, then you need to work on that. If you secretly think you’ve married a wrong ‘un then you need to seriously consider all. In any case you absolutely cannot predict the future in any meaningful way, 99% of your worries will never materialise and you give all your joy away today fretting. You suffer twice worrying. I hate to say this, but the big horrid things that happened to me never ever crossed my mind. Blind-sided on very average-nothing-special days. I give this advice though to EVERY woman: BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT

peaceanddove · 18/02/2022 20:54

I'm 52 this year. DH still makes me feel like I'm the prettiest woman in the room, thank goodness.

My auntie is pushing 80, but was a model back in the 1960s - she is still usually the most striking looking woman in the room.

You can be beautiful at any age. But more importantly, you should feel you're beautiful.

DontWantTheRivalry · 18/02/2022 20:56

Me and my DH are late 30s and I know I find other men attractive and I’m pretty sure he finds other women attractive too. That’s just human nature.

I imagine when we’re both 50 nothing will have changed in that respect and we’ll probably both look at people of the opposite sex (younger people than us) and have a little inner flutter. But again that’s just life.

But whilst we may find other people attractive that doesn’t mean we still aren’t attracted to each other.

I can’t predict how that will change as we age - I imagine we will fancy each other less but our marriage is based on more than that.

It’s acting on attraction that’s the worry, not the fact that attraction to others may take place because that’s just life.

If you know your husband won’t cheat then stop worrying yourself about it and instead just look forward to the days where you are 50 and how you will be having naughty thoughts about some hot 30 year old guy that’s just walked past you Grin

Roadhouse111 · 18/02/2022 21:00

My is 72 and my dad is a bit younger and he still clearly fancies her, cops a wee feel of her mum and everything, he will have too don't forget that.

Roadhouse111 · 18/02/2022 21:00

*bum

PermanentTemporary · 18/02/2022 21:02

I'm simply not recognising this version of life at all! I'm 52, my boyfriend is 55 and he's hot AF to me, though obviously I can see he looks his age. I have a guy hanging around who's pretty hot and 43 but tbh he seems like a kid. Also I have an old crush I can't quite get out of my head and he's just a year older than me, he made me weak at the knees with a look. My mother's boyfriend sadly just died, they were crazy in love from 60 to 87 and there was certainly action going on...

peaceanddove · 18/02/2022 21:06

When I met DH he played rugby for the university, he had a 6 pack, great arse and a chiselled jaw. Thirty years later and the 6 pack is long gone, as is the chiselled jaw (still got a great arse though), he's overweight and going grey.

But I still think he's gorgeous because I still love him and just don't notice the bad bits. All I see are the good bits - his bum, great smile, lovely hairy chest, muscley legs, nice hands.

Isitsixoclockalready · 18/02/2022 21:08

@Samantha312

I don’t think it is my perception of beauty but I think society makes us believe that over 30 we are just past it? I do find that quite depressing
Past it at over 30? Never heard of that.
MrsSkylerWhite · 18/02/2022 21:10

This is really sad.
Who’s superficial, you or him?

Are you basing this on anything? Have you actually asked him how he feels?

I would love my husband if he woke up tomorrow looking like Shrek. Likewise, Princess Fiona.
Love and marriage is based on so much more than looking forever young, surely?
(30 is young, btw)

Penguinsmum · 18/02/2022 21:21

My husband and I are both 42 and he Cannot Get Enough of me!

Yearofthetygerburningbright · 18/02/2022 21:41

Mine is a very similar answer to @TooManyPJs's

It would be worth looking at whether your concerns are more to do with your own self-image and self-esteem and concerns about ageing, or to do with your husband actually doing or saying things that lead you to think that maybe he is too bothered about your or any woman's age and image versus other qualities relating to her and the relationship. Perhaps with a counsellor?

dworky · 18/02/2022 21:53

If your husband is with you for purely superficial reasons then he really won't be much of a loss.

workworkworkugh · 18/02/2022 21:54

You're ONLY 30! That is still so young, I feel like my looks and style etc actually improved with age and I look better in my 30's (now late 30's) than I ever did in my 20's.

If your DH is not that type of guy then you have nothing to worry about. As people have said, he is ageing too.

snocopops · 19/02/2022 12:46

FFS 🙄

snocopops · 19/02/2022 13:10

I'm offended by this, I'm mid forties and hot!

Original poster
Samantha312 · 19/02/2022 14:56

@snocopops Sorry, really didn’t mean to offend you. Personally I have seen smoking hot women in their 40’s so it’s not my personal opinion I just feel society makes us feel that way and you hear of men leaving their wives for younger models.

OP posts:
Rosebuud · 19/02/2022 14:59

[quote Samantha312]@snocopops Sorry, really didn’t mean to offend you. Personally I have seen smoking hot women in their 40’s so it’s not my personal opinion I just feel society makes us feel that way and you hear of men leaving their wives for younger models.[/quote]
Society doesn’t make us feel that way, you need to own that irs you who feels that way.

Puffalicious · 19/02/2022 15:00

@StarsAndSugarlumps

I would love to say you are wrong, but (at nearly 50) my experience has been that while my husband still definitely loves me he no longer fancies me Sad

It’s the little things. I used to catch him looking at me. He used to take photos of me if we were on holiday, not just of the view.

Just for balance, I am 50 and DH fancies me just as much as he always did. I feel similarly- I fancy him so much it's ridiculous. I'm older fatter and more wrinkled, but I'm also wiser and still the woman he fe in love with. Try not to think of change as negative, it's just change and you change together. Bloody society and its obsession with youth.

I look back at photos of being 30 and I didn't realise how bloody gorgeous I was.

MintyGreenDream · 19/02/2022 15:01

30? You're young! I'm 42 and feel attractive still

MintyGreenDream · 19/02/2022 15:02

I looked the best I've looked in my life at 32 yabu

TakeSomeMoreTea · 19/02/2022 15:02

@talkingbubble

Yes he likely will stop fancying you, but not at 30. More like 50 I'd say. But then only if he's a self-absorbed bell-end, and you'll be well-shot of him anyway!
Not true here. DH still fancies me and I do him and he's older.
FuckThatBullshit · 19/02/2022 15:05

I'm 37 and I look better now than I did at 30. I was overweight and lived in leggings. I'm now over two stone lighter with a better wardrobe because I'm better off financially. It's not just about how old you are!