To think women are women's worst enemies for equality?

[CherryBlossomTreee]

I've just got a new job at a senior level. My new secretary has emailed to work out some logistics before I start and to introduce me via cc to the rest of the secretarial/admin team. At the same level in the company are 3 men, who I'll call Mr Big, Mr Bigger and Mr Biggest. I am replacing Mr Big.

It appears in this company the convention is to call the seniors by their surname - so throughout the email she writes of Mr Big, Mr Bigger and Mr Biggest. However, when I am mentioned, I am Cherry rather than Ms BlossomTreee. For example 'When Mr Big leaves, Cherry will be taking over the X account. Mr Biggest will have the conference room for team meetings on Mondays and Wednesday lunchtimes, Mr Bigger will have it on Tuesday lunchtime and Cherry can choose between Thursday and Friday when she arrives - Mr Big always had it on Thursday'

Now, I would much rather my secretary called me by my first name. But when introducing me to a wider group, some of whom I will be managing, it feels incredibly undermining to use my first name if the convention is all the seniors are known by their surname.

I know from past experience if I try and adjust it so I am also known as Ms BlossomTree rather than Cherry, I will be seen as 'difficult' and it will make my working relationships harder, and since I will partly be working remotely (as the others do too) this would be especially challenging. So, I will just have to suck it up, breathe deeply and once again prove that I am as good as those whose ability and seniority is instantly accepted by grace of them having a Y chromosome.

I am just so sick that in the fight for equality it often seems to be other women who do a lot of the undermining.

Anyone have any soothing words?

@Arabellla

The title of the thread is

“AIBU to think women are women’s worst enemies for equality”

First names are the norm in the workplace now even in external communication.

Christ on a bike no wonder the sexism still exists and persists. In this company it is not the norm to call people at that level by their first name.

All of you who think it's ok: thanks for nothing.

OP Ask her not to do it again. Introduce yourself with Ms Lastname and quietly insist on it. You are not in the wrong here.

"In this company it is not the norm to call people at that level by their first name."

There are two people who were referred to with their titles. They may be older than OP or maybe the tradition to refer to them like this started before OP joined, but now almost everyone is first names.

I was just a bit surprised that if the company I'm moving to has a culture of surnames that that culture is dependent on seniority and Y chromosome possession.

So the real issue is that there is a culture of institutionalised sexism in your new company (a culture almost certainly set by the likes of Mr Big, Mr Bigger and Mr Biggest) but you're choosing to lay the blame at the door of a junior female colleague and start a thread declaring that it's actually women who are responsible for inequality in the workplace?

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

In situations like thos, I tend to play stupid. Ask the secretary what the culture is, do the mr bigs prefer to be called by first name or is it just in formal coms etc. How would someone normally refer to someone in your position? It may just be a weird quirk of mr bigger and mr biggest and the rest of the company dont think about it. It might just be her, and being questioned will make her actually think about it. But depending on the answer you might be able to ask further questions to make it more equal without sounding like you're kicking off

This is a great approach

This wasn’t you was it OP?

mobile.twitter.com/SnotSurgeon/status/1495054788211453960

If it's any consolation, no women are not worse here. If your assistant was male, it would have been even more likely that he would have chosen this way.

In our study, we looked at forms of address in more than 300 instances of introductions during grand rounds—formal meetings in hospitals during which clinical cases get discussed for educational purposes.

We discovered that women introduced speakers by formal titles 96.2% of the time.
If the male introducer addressed a male speaker, the use of title was 72% of the time.

When the introducer was a male addressing a female speaker, the use of titles went down to 49.2% of the time.

@KatharinaRosalie

If it's any consolation, no women are not worse here. If your assistant was male, it would have been even more likely that he would have chosen this way.

In our study, we looked at forms of address in more than 300 instances of introductions during grand rounds—formal meetings in hospitals during which clinical cases get discussed for educational purposes.

We discovered that women introduced speakers by formal titles 96.2% of the time.
If the male introducer addressed a male speaker, the use of title was 72% of the time.

When the introducer was a male addressing a female speaker, the use of titles went down to 49.2% of the time.

Wowza! Do you have a link?

sure www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/jwh.2016.6

Thanks!

I would simply refer to the meeting as you have on here. Say, 'Ah, it seems all the managers are addressed by their surnames in meetings here. You better do that when referring to me. I don't want to be the odd one out.'