To feel concerned children (not all!) are a generation of screen addicts

[Sadbabysitter]

I’ve been babysitting for many, many families for more than 15 years……

Over the last couple of years, although much more so recently, I’ve found very young children having literally hours of screen time during the day.

As a babysitter, I always want to engage with and play with the children, without the distraction of screens.
Not all families, but a concerning amount, will tell you their child (often 1/2/3/4 years old), likes the tv or phone/tablet and they have it on/in their hand as a default and it don’t be removed.

One child I’ve cared for since almost one year old and he watches coco melon for 4 hours straight while I care for him. If I turn it off he cries and mum tells me he wants it on all day long, so she puts it on for him. She laughs and says ‘he’s addicted’ which he is! He won’t play outside, build a tower of bricks, push a toy train………….

While it’s on (or any other screen) it’s impossible to develop any meaningful engagement with a child. They are drawn back to the screen, lying, sitting or just rolling around on the floor watching.

As a babysitter, I want the child to feel happy and comfortable and I will always work with the parents wishes, but this doesn’t feel right.
If the parent leaves the house, I will turn the device off and say ‘ah, it’s not working’ and I can then distract them with other activities, albeit with them regularly asking for the screen, maybe having a little cry at first. However, increasingly, parents need me to care for their child while they’re working in another room and they are clear that the device is to stay on.

Yesterday I was with a one year old who had her dad’s device in her hand from 6pm - 10pm with coco melon and other kids shows playing. He gave it to her when I arrived and was in the house the entire time so I couldn’t take it away as she cried and he told me she wanted it. Whenever we went into the living room dad put coco melon on the tv for her. She was exhausted but apparently doesn’t sleep until after 10pm - little wonder with the constant stimulation of shows!

Coco melon is the worse for turning tiny children into zombies, unable to take their eyes from the screen.

So my AIBU is, to be concerned that we are raising a generation of children who are sedentary, can’t use their imagination or focus on a task, can’t cope without the continuous pop of dopamine they are getting from these bright and rapidly changing images and this is going to lead to serious mental health problems in the future?

You aren't being unreasonable. The situations you describe sounds awful, actually neglectful to me. I sincerely hope these are just the extreme examples and not the norm.

My eldest didn't watch much TV at all until he was about 2 and now its strictly limited. He has 30 minutes to an hour a day but I still worry he has too much.

I'm guilty of using it as a tool to keep him occupied at the end of the day when he is tired and bored and I want to make dinner in peace, or when I am busy getting his sibling down for a nap (he doesn't like to play on his own downstairs but will watch a cartoon if allowed).

I do see how addictictive it is. He will ask numerous times a day whether it's time for his half hour or not and I had to put limits on the Alexa device after we caught him sneaking down in the middle of the night to watch something while we were all in bed!

I'm often torn between banning it altogether or helping him develop healthy habits with it. And of course sometimes it is a useful tool as the baby can't sleep whilst he is crashing about next door or shouting through to me.

Interested to hear how others manage screen time in their houses.

Couldn’t agree more
It’s such a worry

YANBU to be concerned, but I do think it's just an evolution/generational thing. Technology is going to advance beyond anything we can comprehend in the future and we'll probably end up with some device that we get plugged into the moment we're born and we never leave!

I'd have loved to have been a kid today, with all the content available and information at our fingertips. It just seems strange to us because our playtime was so different when we were young.

The kids will be fine, they're resilient and will be the pioneers of technological advancement in years to come!

@NotNowBoris you are right, it is neglectful, but sadly, not uncommon as far as I can see. And these are families willing to pay out for extra childcare……

As an adult, I can recognise when I’m using my screen too much.
I can acknowledge the way it makes me feel depressed and listless and I can make a change. Small children have zero capacity or ability to do this and I can’t see how it won’t damage their growing brains.

I agree 100%. Young children do not need screens. They should be learning about the world through play, through touch and feel. It is so wrong.

Yadnbu. I see such young children everywhere stuck to screens when 15 years ago they would have been watching the world go by or interacting with people whilst in their buggies/shopping trolleys/car seats. It is a ticking time bomb.

@yupyupyup I’m not sure I can agree……

They’re not developing the back and forth of conversation skills.

Mental health is negatively impacted when our bodies aren’t active over periods of time.

The lack of practice using imagination in play is a big concern I think.

Impact on sleep patterns with the rapidly changing images and blue light.

The real addiction these children develop will be hard (impossible?) to remove from their neural pathways.

Not for all children, but those with 6+ hours of screen time a day………

I think if it were me I'd have to stop babysitting for these families. Parental choice in the end, but you don't have to witness it.

I agree with you totally. Its a major problem. You'll get lots of people saying otherwise on this thread though I think.

When my two were tiny (20 years ago) one of the big parenting choices was whether or not to let a preschooler have a tv in their room. And if there was one, how much tv time they should be allowed.
The parenting advice re computer use was - keep computers in family rooms eg the dining room so they are less likely to be doing something they should/thats risky.

Now the issue seems to be whether or not to let small kids have hand held screens. Older kids its a given they have screens. Hours and hours everyday holding their screens - playing games, watching goodness knows what on you tube.

You'll guess from this that Im not a fan. We've only ever had one (tiny) tv that we put on specifically to watch something. No mobiles until they were 16. No hand held screens at all. Laptop at 16 but prior to that use of the family laptop for homework or perhaps an hour of games.
All of which probably makes me sound like an awfully boring dragon............. but actually they never complained. They are young adults now and both would/will do the same if they were kids again/had kids of their own.

Yes @Wafflesnsniffles, the child yesterday had the phone in their hand, an iPad available, the TV on and when she got fussy (due to being exhausted at 9.30pm) dad plonked his laptop in front of her!.

I’m in education, I think it’s a huge problem. I have problems with my own children’s obsession with screens. It’s really changing children - not for the better. Shortened attention spans, everything has to be bite size and in their faces. Lack of imaginative play is not good.

@Disabrie22 do you think this is something that can/will be legislated against in the future? Like smacking is now……. that was commonplace years ago, but now there are laws again it.

Yanbu. At school (age 9) it’s becoming very very obvious who in class just plays with screens non stop, some of the children are literally years behind in their emotional development

Unfortunately it's ingrained now

We employ a fair amount of younger people starting age 16

The battle is just too much. They are sneaky. They actually don't seem able to stop themselves peering at the screen to check messages

If they know I've seen them they say they were checking the time..... they usually are sporting fitbits! Which show the time. Or are stood in front of a roll with time displayed

I honestly think it's neglect. Or just plain old lazy parenting.

I agree with you. Our daughter barely is barely allowed to watch tv. When she does, she will become cranky after a while.
She doesn't ask for it as she's used to it being this way but I can totally see how easily it could be to become addicted.
If you can afford to be picky, I would be more selective of families if I were you but I understand you may not be in this position.

I know what you mean. I once let my dc (aged 3) play with an app on my phone for the first time, when it was time to turn it off he threw a massive tantrum and he asked for the game the next few days. Since then I've never let him play on the phone again. It's for my own sake as much as his - I can't be dealing with tantrums like that daily. Same with people that have the TV on all the time. Surely you are punishing yourself doing this - hearing coco melon on loop all day long . I'd go mad. Why would you choose that over the sound of your kid playing?

I belong to a few fb toddler/mothers groups and people are always asking "what's the best tablet for my two year old" etc.

However taking the long view, I wouldn't worry about the future impact. Most adults (over 30) are total screen addicts, and they grew up without hand held screens even existing. So it hasn't made any difference.

@dipdye yes, it’s neglect. But far more widespread and seemingly accepted, than any other form of neglect would be, in my experience.

@LimeSegment do you think there is/could be a difference in the effect of screen addiction on an adult brain, to that of a developing child?
Specifically in terms of neural pathways?

Yes there probably is.

I meant more from the perspective of, children are going to become screen addicts anyway. Growing up without screen didn't prevent that. So although I personally ban screens for my kids, I don't put too much of my hopes for their futures in to doing that. If you see what i mean.

So I think you as a babysitter shouldn't take so much worry on to your own shoulders. What will happen will happen.

Even though I agree and cringe when I see babies with screens.

I don't know...every generation thinks the younger generation will be ruined.

I mean what you describe doesn't sound good. But most DC my DD's age (9) if her and her friends are anything to go by don't really watch much TV and when they do half the time they are still bouncing around and doing cart wheels not just sitting staring at it! Their main 'screen time' is playing games like Animal Crossing or Roblox. These games are very social and imaginative and they all play together.

Aside from that they love being active - dancing and gymnastics classes are popular, racing around playing games at Brownies, skipping in the playground at playtime, bouncing on their trampolines at home and playing in the park after school.

Yes, it is impacting small children entering school. They don't have the skills in terms of speech and motor coordination that earlier generations had.

I suspect that in the future people will look back on kids with screens similarly to the way we look at adults in the past giving kids laudanum or letting them smoke.

We don't limit screen time and all three do love their telly BUT 6 year old will happily declare a TV break and turn it off, 2 year olds will also be happy without it. All three are really physical and active, love having the music on to dance, play imaginatively with their toys, love playing in other rooms (only have a TV in the living room) etc. These an xbox that's used occasionally, and eldest gets limited time on kids YouTube on my phone at specific times (late bus back after gymnastics for example). No Switches or tablets etc.

So I don't think it has to be 30 minutes of TV on a Sunday and no other access to devises or screen zombies, there's a space in the middle but it's about parent interaction.