To feel concerned children (not all!) are a generation of screen addicts

[Sadbabysitter]

I’ve been babysitting for many, many families for more than 15 years……

Over the last couple of years, although much more so recently, I’ve found very young children having literally hours of screen time during the day.

As a babysitter, I always want to engage with and play with the children, without the distraction of screens.
Not all families, but a concerning amount, will tell you their child (often 1/2/3/4 years old), likes the tv or phone/tablet and they have it on/in their hand as a default and it don’t be removed.

One child I’ve cared for since almost one year old and he watches coco melon for 4 hours straight while I care for him. If I turn it off he cries and mum tells me he wants it on all day long, so she puts it on for him. She laughs and says ‘he’s addicted’ which he is! He won’t play outside, build a tower of bricks, push a toy train………….

While it’s on (or any other screen) it’s impossible to develop any meaningful engagement with a child. They are drawn back to the screen, lying, sitting or just rolling around on the floor watching.

As a babysitter, I want the child to feel happy and comfortable and I will always work with the parents wishes, but this doesn’t feel right.
If the parent leaves the house, I will turn the device off and say ‘ah, it’s not working’ and I can then distract them with other activities, albeit with them regularly asking for the screen, maybe having a little cry at first. However, increasingly, parents need me to care for their child while they’re working in another room and they are clear that the device is to stay on.

Yesterday I was with a one year old who had her dad’s device in her hand from 6pm - 10pm with coco melon and other kids shows playing. He gave it to her when I arrived and was in the house the entire time so I couldn’t take it away as she cried and he told me she wanted it. Whenever we went into the living room dad put coco melon on the tv for her. She was exhausted but apparently doesn’t sleep until after 10pm - little wonder with the constant stimulation of shows!

Coco melon is the worse for turning tiny children into zombies, unable to take their eyes from the screen.

So my AIBU is, to be concerned that we are raising a generation of children who are sedentary, can’t use their imagination or focus on a task, can’t cope without the continuous pop of dopamine they are getting from these bright and rapidly changing images and this is going to lead to serious mental health problems in the future?

It's not just children is it? It's adults as well. Especially if you have an office job, we use screens all day.

It's not so bad if you have a job which involves working outside.

I suspect the kids of today will need glasses much earlier than our generation have.

@MsTSwift

It’s worse for tiny children as those developmental stages and learning about the world are so key. Glad phones weren’t around when mine were pre schoolers.

Me too. My son was about 7 when he got his first Nintendo - I held out until he was 14 to get him an xbox.

@Flickflak

Yes I see extreme device and screen time as neglect. Our six and seven year olds have no access to devices at all. They do watch tv, about an hour a day on a school day and maybe two hours on a Saturday or Sunday.

Engaging in imaginative play is so important for development. Our two can entertain each other and themselves for hours.

Excessive screen time is complete laziness by the parents.

I agree. My older ones are 6 and 3.5 and have no devices of their own. They do watch TV, similar amounts (although middle one occasionally has a bit more when I need to work on my days off - I justify it to myself because she no longer naps). However I have not yet managed to achieve the “entertaining themselves for hours” part - they always want me to join in! Sometimes I have to put the TV on just so I can make supper in peace .

Oh DFOD. Shielding and working from home with a small child around. You bet screen time was high. Needs must.

@Sadbabysitter

Why you babysitting a kid when their dad is there?

@LinuxPenguinPCnerd

Oh DFOD. Shielding and working from home with a small child around. You bet screen time was high. Needs must.

We also worked from home shielding as our youngest DC was on the CEV list at the beginning of the pandemic. Both full on jobs and DC were 2 and 5 at the time. Of course there was screen time, especially when I had meetings etc.

But there is a difference between that and what the OP is describing. I’m a Deputy Head in a primary school and we have children arriving who simply cannot engage in imaginative play. Who can’t make a strong mark with a pencil as they lack the gross and fine motor skills. Screen time is a part of life, sure, but it has to be balanced.

Saddest I saw was a child who at four had no idea how to turn a page in a book. He kept swiping at a corner to try and make it move on.

@OnceuponaRainbow18 as this is what the family requested.

I won’t always know what the job entails until I’ve accepted the booking.
It’s problematic for the agency if I cancel after accepting.

On this occasion I knew dad would be around, but assumed he would be working while I was looking after his child.

He had no interest in interacting with his child. I was hired to care for his daughter while he watched TV….. go figure! 🤷🏼‍♀️

YANBU, I agree completely.

Children raised like that will never have the attention span to read a novel, will be behind in speech and language and will end up with Lord knows what developmental issues. It’s awful.

My DS watches appropriate children’s TV (with me and/or DH, not alone unless we’re popping to the kitchen for 2 mins) and he is never ever allowed on our phones or ipad, and we don’t get our phones out around him.

It’s really harmful and I will do my best to keep my child from it as long as I can, while understanding they need to know how these things work at school.

Too many parents are lazy and use them for far longer than they ought to. Babies and toddlers can look at the scenery from a buggy and be talked to - they don’t need a screen! As for a 1 year old staying up til 10pm?? That’s neglect.

Coco melon is the worst

I’m on holiday at the moment
and I would say 8-out of 10 kids has a screen of some sort
Doesn’t matter if it’s by the pool in the restaurants in the bar they are all sat around on screens watching something and generally so are their parents 😂😂

I don't really limit DS's screen time. He's nearly 9 though so not a toddler. We do plenty of other activities and days out. He does hobbies. He does well at school. Homework always done. Good social skills and plenty of friends. So I've no issue with him using screens when we're chilling out at home. He's not "addicted" and doesn't throw a strop if I tell him to turn it off.

Screens are the future whether we like it or not. A lot of us do jobs that involve us staring at a screen all day.

I've banned Coco melon. Mine are 4 and nearly 3 and I limit screen time as much as possible because they're like zombies when it's on!

@SushiGo

Same here, I’ve been always very strict with screen time, no tablet or phone when younger, not too much tv- lots of outdoorsy stuff etc
Then they grew bit older, the last ones Of their peers to get a tablet or phone and now they’re just as addicted as their peers
Playing roblox with friends hours on end ( a habit which started in lockdown)
I find schools not helping too as all homework now set online all the time. Why can’t they just print off homework sheets 🙄
So hard to encourage them to other things now and feel quite sad as despite us trying so hard we still ended up with screen dependent kids and it’s a daily battle to get them off the screens ( and daily arguments as their peers dont have screen time settings etc)

I agree with OP that one year olds shouldn’t have screen time but I do laugh abit with all the posters claiming their 3,4,5 year old barely watch tv, they play and read etc
Well so did my two and I was one of those parents being strict but once they get to year5,6 there’s no way you’ll find it that easy anymore to say no to a tablet or screen time
I let my year 5 and 6 children have screen time but I refuse them insta, tik tok, you tube etc but as all their class friends are allowed these apps it’s causing daily arguments why they can’t have it and they will now always choose their phone rather than read a book during the day

@MangyInseam

Yes, it is impacting small children entering school. They don't have the skills in terms of speech and motor coordination that earlier generations had.

I suspect that in the future people will look back on kids with screens similarly to the way we look at adults in the past giving kids laudanum or letting them smoke.

You are wrong. High rates of Educational TV / ipad watching after the age of 2 has been linked to higher attainment in kids as it’s considered a ‘social screen’. Anything that requires a parent’s input, even if it’s so the child has to ask them for a certain channel or ask them how to use a remote, develops language.

It is why many nurseries use screens.

For example DS is 2 and loves TV. Is addicted but I make sure he never gets more than 1-2 hours. He speaks in full sentences in 2 languages, has started hopping and jumping (becsuse he wants to copy the kids he sees on his shows), can climb about 6 ft up our tree, and is now talking fairly knowledgeably about tractors and helicopers and has developed an interest in knowing more since he saw a Blippi episode about them.

So it’s not the screen but the content. Anyone’s brain would rot if all they watched were the shitty random YouTube videos (crashing cars et c).

And it’s why non-interactive content like their own videogames consoles / TV / mobiles are not appropriate until after a child has developed their core physical, social and language skills. I would say 11 at the earliest. But there is research to suggest kids shouldn’t have unrestricted non-interactive screen time until after 14-16 as their brains are just not wired to be able to regulate it.

My 4 year old has a tablet which he loves and plays games on, some educational some not. But I think I'm lucky that he's not addicted and actually really loves outside play/nature, building, board games etc just as much or even equally. If I ask him to turn it off so we go for a walk he will happily do so then we will spend hours outside with nature collecting sticks, bird spotting, splashing in puddles etc. I think knowing when enough is enough is key. I'm probably more of a screen addict than him and didn't grow up with that much technology

@HiDay

Saddest I saw was a child who at four had no idea how to turn a page in a book. He kept swiping at a corner to try and make it move on.

😂😂😂

Honestly fucking hell. You should be on the cover of the daily fail with a sad face.

Tv has been around for a long time. So have things like Nintendo's etc. You can put limits on things but somehow suggesting that your toddler is corrupted from Cocomelon is ridiculous. Speech pathologists actually recommend Cocomelon and Yakka Dee for children who are speech delayed.

A lot of schools insist on a laptop in high school so it's hard to prevent at that age.

As long as you make sure your child has plenty of other activities in their lives screen time won't ruin them.

Technology is part of our lives now so as long as there is a balance, I don't find it particularly concerning. I have a friend who vocally makes it known that she has never allowed screen time and while telling us all of this, her two kids are sitting with us and she's constantly scrolling through instagram and replying to WhatsApp messages. It's like having a parent smoking next to you and telling the child that smokings bad. I allow screen time when we are travelling or when we are dining in a restaurant to keep my little one occupied enough so I could eat in peace but all day everyday, the TV is off and the toys are out during a rainy day. During a non rainy day, it's outdoors and some activities. If I need to use the loo or get something done without my toddler following me, then I put some screen time.

I grew up in the 80s. Siblings and I were in front of the telly a lot when not at school during the colder months. Genuinely did me no harm. I have friends, am educated and have a good job.

I think OPs examples are a bit extreme but I wonder if there’s a bit of exaggeration going on. I mean what parent would pay for a babysitter and insist their child only sits in front of Cocomelon for hours? It sounds more likely the dad suggested to OP, that this was the child’s favourite programme in order to give OP easier time rather than insist that’s what the child had to do. Also, practically all of OPs clients are similar? Hmm.

Although I abhor genuine neglect and benign neglect including sitting kids in front of tv all day with zero interaction, this thread just sounds like a bit of an excuse to encourage PPs to bash ‘inferior’ parents. Do you have kids OP?

Can't stand seeing kids
Eating while watching iPads
Unhealthy habit

I saw a dad carrying a baby in a forward-facing sling the other day, holding his phone with a cartoon on it right in front of the baby’s face. The baby was paying no attention to the screen and was trying to look around. It was perfectly calm. No idea why he thought the screen was necessary

Incidentally, I have never limited my DC's 'screen time' so they have learnt to self regulate. Plus there's tonnes of other things they want to do like go to gymnastics or the park or finish reading their book. I mean they can't be that unusual as the gymnastic classes are full, the park is busy and the library is full of children.

I hate it. I think in the examples you gave it sounds like the parents need a babysitter because they are working from home so may need some silence in the house? Maybe they've saved all the screen time for then?
I have a 3 and 5 year old so I know the challenges and do try to limit it as much as possible. They do seem to have a lot at school though and get increasing amounts set as homework too. I tutor teens and find their concentration is so much worse than 5/10 years ago and wonder whether this is to do with screens. My friend is a driving instructor and says the same.