To feel concerned children (not all!) are a generation of screen addicts

[Sadbabysitter]

I’ve been babysitting for many, many families for more than 15 years……

Over the last couple of years, although much more so recently, I’ve found very young children having literally hours of screen time during the day.

As a babysitter, I always want to engage with and play with the children, without the distraction of screens.
Not all families, but a concerning amount, will tell you their child (often 1/2/3/4 years old), likes the tv or phone/tablet and they have it on/in their hand as a default and it don’t be removed.

One child I’ve cared for since almost one year old and he watches coco melon for 4 hours straight while I care for him. If I turn it off he cries and mum tells me he wants it on all day long, so she puts it on for him. She laughs and says ‘he’s addicted’ which he is! He won’t play outside, build a tower of bricks, push a toy train………….

While it’s on (or any other screen) it’s impossible to develop any meaningful engagement with a child. They are drawn back to the screen, lying, sitting or just rolling around on the floor watching.

As a babysitter, I want the child to feel happy and comfortable and I will always work with the parents wishes, but this doesn’t feel right.
If the parent leaves the house, I will turn the device off and say ‘ah, it’s not working’ and I can then distract them with other activities, albeit with them regularly asking for the screen, maybe having a little cry at first. However, increasingly, parents need me to care for their child while they’re working in another room and they are clear that the device is to stay on.

Yesterday I was with a one year old who had her dad’s device in her hand from 6pm - 10pm with coco melon and other kids shows playing. He gave it to her when I arrived and was in the house the entire time so I couldn’t take it away as she cried and he told me she wanted it. Whenever we went into the living room dad put coco melon on the tv for her. She was exhausted but apparently doesn’t sleep until after 10pm - little wonder with the constant stimulation of shows!

Coco melon is the worse for turning tiny children into zombies, unable to take their eyes from the screen.

So my AIBU is, to be concerned that we are raising a generation of children who are sedentary, can’t use their imagination or focus on a task, can’t cope without the continuous pop of dopamine they are getting from these bright and rapidly changing images and this is going to lead to serious mental health problems in the future?

I agree it is a worry. I just try to do the best i can with my kids. I'm far from being a super mum but i manage so that my kids don't watch TV during the school week and we do family movies at the weekend if we can. No tablet (though my 5yrs old had that monster game that he does for an hour every couple of weeks. But it's very interactive). My 10yrs old has strict limits on her phone. The other kids (8, 5 and 2) don't handle phones. No interest expressed in video games. So far so good. They only get back to back movies on the tablet when we travel long distance as honestly it is easier. We also are extremely fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who will simply not allow screens when she is in charge.
It saddens me when i see little ones at the restaurant in front of a phone or tablet. I'm sure for some it's needed but not that many surely. My kids love going out to eat. We take pens, paper, a couple of games if needed and we generally have a good time without the soundtrack of Peppa pig....

Screen time is a problem ie. giving your child a tablet (especially) for hours on end to watch nonsensical YouTube you videos. I find this sad and those children can often be a bit behind on speech because they don't have enough interaction

Watching TV with parents in the room is fine, like CBeebies or whatever

So yanbu but also competitive under screen timers are kind of annoying too. Your kid won't be damaged from 30 minutes of TV a day

Cocomelon is effectively just nursery rhymes - I don’t know why people are complaining about it. Children enjoy singing and clapping and dancing. Cocomelon is fun for them.

The screen time (which is basically tv and iPad, right?) thing is something I view the same was as food. Eg if my children eat a balanced diet, and lots of fruit snd veg, who cares if they have ice cream? Ditto screen time - they go swimming and running around, read books etc so I’m fine with them having some screen time - some days less and some days more, depending on weather and other factors.

I don’t think screentime has a place in restaurants or buggies. I don’t think parents should have screens at the table either.

I am personally trying to cut back on my own screen time too as I’m on my phone too much.

Cocomelon is effectively just nursery rhymes - I don’t know why people are complaining about it.

It's really not "just" nursery rhymes, watch it, the shot is constantly moving, there is a bunch of other sounds mixed in, all done to over stimulate children, that's why it's so addictive!

'It is why many nurseries use screens.'

Course it isn't! It's cos it's an easy way to entertain a group of children (and they are paid peanuts to do so). It's not a good thing.

@Joinedforthis22

But it’s perfectly fine for 30 mins so someone can cook dinner

@Giraffesandbottoms perhaps, but I think there are better choices of things to put on.

Yes it’s madness not restricting screen time for kids that age

It's sadly a reflection of lazy parenting. Parents desperate for time for themselves and valuing it more than time with their kids.

Kids use to spend much more time helping around, nowadays, parents can't be bothered battling with their kids to engage with much housework, kids talk back, argue and parents give up so they do everything whilst the kids are bored.

It's a real pity the notion of doing chores to be rewarded by a treat is a dying practice. Kids have too much time in their hands because they don't have to do what previous generations were expected.

Even at 18 months, I was taught to put my toys back in the toy basket. Now, parents rather do it themselves in 20 seconds than spending 10 minutes teaching the kids.

We try and limit screen time. A current building project means they're getting much more than I want them to but in normal times they don't. BUT when we have babysitters around is when I'd be most likely to let the rules go so that they were less trouble.

Yanbu, I have worked in primary schools as a TA then teacher (left in 2018) and the effects were sadly widespread.

I have a 3 and a half year old and he does watch his fair share of tv / iPad - some days a bit too much I'll admit - but never all day and I always play with him / give him stuff to do. We live near the beach and countryside so he has a pretty outdoorsy childhood. There is a time and place for screens but u do agree with you that many parents overdo it.

We are having a new baby soon so I'm sure the screen time will increase but only for a short period of time in the grand scheme of things. I need to survive somehow!

@vivainsomnia

It depends on the type of child you have though. My children want to help cooking dinner but they are 1 and 3 and their “help” whilst I’m chopping is neither safe nor practical and they absolutely don’t want to do any non exciting jobs. And if left to their own devices they literally run amok and make mess. 30 mins of tv so they can have a freshly prepared meal seems reasonable to me.

I don’t see that there is any place for screens out of the home, barring a flight or something. I saw a 2 year old walking along a busy pavement BEHIND his parents, watching something on his phone. This was today. Was really shocking and sad.

@wtfwasthatmate

I'm not sure what to make of your comment?

Do you not think it sad that a child has had so little access to real books, that his only experience of books is via a screen?

As a primary teacher I certainly do.

[quote HiDay]@wtfwasthatmate

I'm not sure what to make of your comment?

Do you not think it sad that a child has had so little access to real books, that his only experience of books is via a screen?

As a primary teacher I certainly do. [/quote]
I think it's their generation. My toddler has never used an iPad and reads plenty of books, but I think reading is reading. As long as the child is exposed to reading it shouldn't matter the medium.

Things change. Technology has changed in huge ways since I was a child. It is what it is.

@FilthyforFirth

Yanbu. I really hate it. I have a 4.5 and a 15 month old. The only screens they get is telly. I have had the tv on during the background their whole lives that they just play around it. DS1 particularly loves imaginative play and is super into playmobil and lego.

My siblings, give my neices and nephews their phones all the time and I inwardly cringe. My other nephews have had switches from such a young age that they are both totally addicted, they dont want to play anymore and just hang around waiting for their allocated screen time. It is really sad.

I am fully prepared to have the boys hate me as I dont intend on getting them a tablet/switch/play station for a very very long time. It is lovely especially now as the baby can 'play' a bit with his big brother. He wouldnt be able to join in if he was just glued to a phone/tablet.

Luckily DS1 doesnt complain about it. Am crossing my fingers that continues!

My DC are now 14 and 9. The eldest has a phone, the younger a kindle and both have a switch and laptops. They play together all the time. Just having devices does not mean they will be glued to them. The problem is when they become 'forbidden fruit' and then the craving starts. I have never limited devices so mine have never become obsessed. They have lots of other things they enjoy too like trampolining, reading, board games, going to the park, karate, gymnastics. So naturally, they won't be glued to screens at all times! Of course the teen uses his phone to chat to friends. He doesn't use any social media, though.

@vivainsomnia

It's sadly a reflection of lazy parenting. Parents desperate for time for themselves and valuing it more than time with their kids.

Kids use to spend much more time helping around, nowadays, parents can't be bothered battling with their kids to engage with much housework, kids talk back, argue and parents give up so they do everything whilst the kids are bored.

It's a real pity the notion of doing chores to be rewarded by a treat is a dying practice. Kids have too much time in their hands because they don't have to do what previous generations were expected.

Even at 18 months, I was taught to put my toys back in the toy basket. Now, parents rather do it themselves in 20 seconds than spending 10 minutes teaching the kids.

Doing chores is a dying practice, really? Not among my circle. I mean of course many parents expect it to be done as part of being a family rather than providing a reward. But chores themselves is not dying out!

@Giraffesandbottoms yes, children love singing, clapping and dancing……. They don’t do this watching this show.
They just stare at it…… they don’t want to interact with an adult or other children, they just zone out watching the rapid screen changes.

[quote Sadbabysitter]@Giraffesandbottoms yes, children love singing, clapping and dancing……. They don’t do this watching this show.
They just stare at it…… they don’t want to interact with an adult or other children, they just zone out watching the rapid screen changes.[/quote]

This is more likely a lack of parent interaction than the work of screens alone. Millions of children use screens. The only ones I've seen act like that are the ones cast away with an iPad for hours by themselves, who also are sang to, talked to at home. TV alone won't make a child into a zombie.

Mobile phones are addictive, meaning they influence the brain's motivation/reward circuits; lots and lots of regular dopamine hits. & while we are busy enjoying that rewarding feeling, it is limiting our ability to tolerate unpleasant feelings; frustration, boredom, disappointment etc. To say this is not going to have long term consequences is incredibly naive. Would those on here dismissing any concerns have the same passive acceptance of alcoholism or gambling, or drugs? They are all recruting exactly the same pathways in the brain as screen addiction. It is already contributing to serious mental health problems and reading the road ahead, when those with little or no emotional regulation outnumber those who do, it doesn't bode well for any of us.

[quote HiDay]@wtfwasthatmate

I'm not sure what to make of your comment?

Do you not think it sad that a child has had so little access to real books, that his only experience of books is via a screen?

As a primary teacher I certainly do. [/quote]
If the content is the same, what difference does it make if its on paper or a screen?