Did anyone here have a really good upbringing?

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Lately I seem to hear constantly about the impact of childhood trauma and how it affects people going into adulthood, whether it be with their mental health, self esteem, addiction, relationships, attachment etc. I just wondered if those who had happy, healthy childhoods still suffer from these kinds of issues, or if they are relatively happy in life? Or is it a case of it doesn’t matter how you were raised, no one gets out unscathed?

I’d say I had a happy one that led to me being a well-rounded adult able to have positive relationships and achieve what I wanted. Nothing wildly unusual, but two loving parents, no abuse and a general background of always feeling loved. Enough money to eat healthily, live healthy and I was shielded from the financial wobbles. No holidays or big treats, but lots of family time.
I have my own large family now and any periods of depression have been self-limiting and situationally appropriate/ not defining.

I had a very happy, loving childhood too. Two parents who loved each other and their children unconditionally. I always knew I was loved.

I'm now married with my own family and I've weathered the storms of life calmly.

I had a good childhood too, loving, if strict parents, lots of holidays, music and dance classes, private education etc. I still went off the rails, and suffered from insecurity and low self esteem. Thankfully now I'm in my 50s, that seems to have passed.

Generally speaking, there is a relationship between upbringing and outcomes. The greater exposure a child has to traumatic experiences, the worse their life outcomes, health, qualifications, income, etc are likely to be. There are some stark stats on this correlation, online if you look it up.

But, in terms of our individual experience: me and my sibling had an identical upbringing, and het have ended up with very different lives/prosperity!

It’s a really interesting question and I’d like to see the lived experience answers.

My childhood wasn’t the worst but wasn’t great and I can see clearly how the difficult aspects have impacted my development- some good resilience things and some challenges.

There is a HUGE amount of research now though (including neuroscience) the shows that adverse childhood events (ACEs) predict fairly robustly a number of outcomes, including mental health issues. Change and growth are always possible though so our childhood experiences don’t have to dictate our pathway.

Yes I had a great childhood and my parents were/are wonderful people who brought us up very well. As a result I have confidence and very good mental health and have been able to live a good life. I am trying to do the same for my children.

I had a good childhood - loving parents, nice school friends, not rich but enough for what we needed.

As an adult I have good self esteem and no mental health issues. I am happily married and my teen DC are happy and doing well.

I have a lot to thank my parents for.

lots of holidays, music and dance classes, private education etc

I wouldn't consider those markers of a really good upbringing. For me, from a very low income background, a good upbringing is rooted in emotional warmth, security, laughter, joy, a sense of all muddling through together and has nothing to do with things my parents could buy.

My childhood was very good - not perfect, but very good. As an adult I've had very good, strong relationships but I also had a period of very poor mental health in my 20s. I think it is quite clear (and deeply unfair) that you start life at a huge advantage if you've had a loving, stable childhood though. The big thing I've really noticed is how differently people's baseline for what's 'good enough' treatment for others is set, and the profound impact that can have. For some people, through no fault of their own, it can lead to trauma after trauma after trauma.

I was lucky enough to have a happy childhood, good upbringing and loving parents. I'd say as an adult in my thirties I'm happy and contented and pretty resilient.

Yes , I had a happy and stable childhood. I think I'm fairly well rounded, no issues, and am happily married, no drama...... (keeps fingers tightly crossed and touches wood!)

@MargotEmin

lots of holidays, music and dance classes, private education etc

I wouldn't consider those markers of a really good upbringing. For me, from a very low income background, a good upbringing is rooted in emotional warmth, security, laughter, joy, a sense of all muddling through together and has nothing to do with things my parents could buy.

I think that there's no difference in the emotional impact of having just enough money and having lots, but the impact of having not enough - of being in poverty - is usually profound.

My childhood was very good up to the point where my dad died. Fortunately, my family were very supportive so I didn't go off the rails and have been mostly happy and content.

Yes, not materially and my parents practised a lot of benign neglect. We would disappear for hours on end on weekends and holidays and we never were pressured to achieve. But we were happy and as an adult I'm lucky to still have both parents around.

I had a lovely childhood up until my mid teens when my parents suddenly divorced and it wasn't amicable. Before that it was great. I'm still very close to both parents.

I've had some really tough times in life although all have had a very obviously cause which wasn't to do with my childhood. It helped a lot having a lot of loving, supportive family to prop me up during those times.

Happy stable loving childhood with 2 parents in a stable happy marriage.

I have grown into a happy adult who is able to deal with most of what life throws at me and I have a long happy marriage and kids.

Just to add to my post above - although having a very good childhood didn't 'protect' me from my mental health issues, it definitely hugely helped me when I was ill that I had a lot of family support around me.

Definitely not, my parents did pretty much the bare essentials to avoid any accusations of child neglect, kept us fed, clothed and made sure we went to school and that was it.
There was no love or affection, no nurturing of our hobbies or interests, couldn't care less how well or badly we were doing at school, no material "extravagancies" despite my parents being decent earners.
They were basically just both very selfish and self centred and weren't ever prepared to make any compromises or sacrifices to their own personal wants and needs in life despite choosing to have kids.

I had an unusual childhood, poor, hardworking families, harsh mother, loving extended family, high emphasis on education and left to fend for myself a lot.

Tbh I had a lot of insecurities as a young adult but once I'd made peace with it and accepted who I am, I've turned out well and I'm happy. I've got a loving family, High income, a great bunch of friends.

I got to a a point where I realised I could blame the shit parts of my childhood for feeling shit about myself, or make the choice to accept it and be happy.

It rears it's ugly head when my mum tells me to hit my child if he doesn't behave himself, or tells me he doesn't need a bath or I wash his clothes too much. I just roll my eyes at her and carry on.

There are lot of restorative CBT therapies that can help people deal with past traumas which fascinates me.

I had an absolutely wonderful childhood with discipline and independence in equal measure, I know I was loved but I was definitely not over indulged, there were boundaries but equally I was left to make my own choices and on occasion mistakes, my parents definitely didn’t fuss over us and lived their own lives along side us. The outcome two very happy, hard working, confident adults with wonderful memories of a loving childhood.

I have 4 siblings, our parents had a golden child till the day they died. Our hobbies were never considered as important as the Golden Child.
It made me determined to never treat my children in that way and I haven't.

Loving parents, ‘as long as we were happy they were happy too’. I didn’t appreciate what they did and sacrificed for us until I had my own DC, by which time my DM had tragically died. I’m now going through a separation and feel like a complete failure for not providing the stable loving upbringing by 2 loving parents that I was privileged to have had. I am grateful for the values and morals instilled in me though

Interested to see this. I had a dreadful childhood for a number of reasons. It’s really starting to come out only now in my 40s. My siblings and I are clearly not ok, though on surface appearances we are.
I have two childhood friends I’m still very close to. They had very stable childhoods, I was envious and spent as much time as possible at their houses. I’ve known them our whole lives.
They both have unhappy marriages, and one has mental health issues. I’d call all three of us successful and good Mums. The difference I can see is their safety net. They have support in times of crisis. I don’t. But then we support each other as friends too.
I don’t think I’m more unhappy or less successful than them, it’s just been harder for me at times. My adulthood from early twenties on has been success and happy by any measure.

I had a good upbringing loving parents, siblings, enough money to not have to worry. We didn't have lots of family time as my dad ran his own business and worked long hours. Mum was always there though and my dad treated us to brilliant holidays and whatever hobbies we wanted.
Unfortunately life as an adult has been fucking hard. I have a husband and kids who I love very much but my mental health is awful.
So IME it's about what hand you get dealt as an adult not your upbringing. I feel terrible that I can't give my children the childhood I had.

My point being: once away and starting their own families- they’ve had challenges then. No different to my own, and my husband also had a difficult childhood, and he and I are very happy and stable, and communicate really well and healthily.