Did anyone here have a really good upbringing?

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Lately I seem to hear constantly about the impact of childhood trauma and how it affects people going into adulthood, whether it be with their mental health, self esteem, addiction, relationships, attachment etc. I just wondered if those who had happy, healthy childhoods still suffer from these kinds of issues, or if they are relatively happy in life? Or is it a case of it doesn’t matter how you were raised, no one gets out unscathed?

Yes and I never appreciated it until I got older and realised that it wasn't the same for everyone.

The kids/teenagers I envied as a child and especially in my teens because they had so much freedom and could do everything they wanted, out late, nightclubs at a young age, allowed do drugs and alcohol at home, teenage boyfriends sleeping over etc). I thought they had such cool parents where mind where out to restrict my fun and happiness.

My mum was the type that always said, no matter what you've done, or where you are you shouldn't be call me and I will get you home safely, won't embarrass you in from of friends, or go nuclear on you".

I tested that promise several times but my mum was the one who picked us up safety if we were drunk, allowed friends stay in ours to keep them alive rather than sending them home where they might be beaten or not kept an eye on & choke on their own vomit etc. I broke her heart numerous times and I was grounded etc. but nothing drastic.

We weren't well off at the time but had enough and things far more important than money can buy.

I was very very lucky.

Although my parents were not the most ideal, my dads an alcoholic and my mum suffers from health anxieties I was brought up well. I had very hands on grandparents and an aunt who i spent a lot of time with. Looking back I would say my childhood was happy. Having a set of parents who sometimes were focused on their own struggles made me very resilient and independent. I haven’t had any major mental health struggles throughout my life and feel well rounded.
My DP however always bleats on about how bad my parents are and how great his parents were and the wonderful childhood he had. I think he tells himself this as he doesn’t want to admit there was a lot of controlling behaviour within his parents relationship. He has not suffered any issues in regards to mental health but he is one of the most emotionally immature people I have ever met.

Pretty good, though as a parent myself now, there are things that I look back on and think - that shouldn’t have happened etc. There were a few bad times, serious illness of a parent etc. Far from resulting in trauma, these have made me more resilient if I’m honest. Actually, maybe they’ve made me too self sufficient and resilient! I can’t stand people who seemingly can’t cope at the slightest thing

Yes. Loving family for 4. Extremely close to my sister in childhood and as adults.
Hardworking, fun, fair parents.
Wealthy so got to experience great holidays, university and bought first house but still instilled a great work ethic.

Mine was great. Grew up in the country with parents, brother abd both sets of grandparents who were great. My parents were rare and wonderful people. My brother was my best friend from childhood until he died in an accident in his 30s.
It wasn't until I got to aged twenty or so that I realised they were actually unusual people, and that many people are actually stupid, horrible and disappointing.

Not much money in our family but two parents who loved each other and loved us and were very affectionate. As I result I’m a fairly secure adult who makes friends easily and weathers life’s storms well. I’m generally optimistic and believe that most people are good/kind/ mean well and when they behave badly I give them the
Benefit of the doubt.
I think this all stems from a secure childhood.

Me , grew up in country village with both parents and brother. No crime area ,always had doors open. We always played outside with everyone in village and bikes and roller boots. Went for lots of picnics and days out to seaside. Didnt have loads of money but never effected us.

Wonderful parents. Not rich but comfortable and although wasn't over indulged, never went without or had a single worry growing up. I think I came out a happy, well rounded adult, always very secure in myself.

Followed all the ticks...uni, good job, house, marriage, kids, bigger house..

Then divorce. If it makes a difference I married a man from a very fragmented, unsupportive family.

The divorce has been the making of me really, far tougher and more aware of life's complexities. I'd say I was very shielded.

I worry about my children though having been introduced to split homes, parents with other partners etc. Exh doesn't seem to think it's a problem.

I’d say I had a happy one that led to me being a well-rounded adult able to have positive relationships and achieve what I wanted. Nothing wildly unusual, but two loving parents, no abuse and a general background of always feeling loved. Enough money to eat healthily, live healthy and I was shielded from the financial wobbles. No holidays or big treats, but lots of family time.

I could have written this.

I mean "no-one goes through life unscathed" or protected in any way from illness, bereavements, redundancy or other setbacks in life, what I think makes for a great upbringing is being lucky enough to have parents teach you resilience.
Of course bad, or sad thigs will happen to each and every one of us, but we all have some ownership of how we respond to what life throws at us.

There is a lot of evidence that ACEs have a massive impact upon our outcomes though.

Awful childhood, among the worst experiences you can imagine. Achieved loads of professional success in adulthood with no support network or friend group. I was basically a career sociopath. Began teaching, and students changed me and taught me about what's really important (hint: it's not professional success). Mid 30s now, pretty bad mental health, and I'm only just now learning basic things that others learned in childhood, like how to make friends, how to process feelings and how to have boundaries in relationships. Currently I'm alone in a new city with no relatives or relationships. But I get out a lot and I meet new people all the time, am trying to support colleagues more, and am trying to (lame cliche alert) treat other people the way I wish I had been treated.

TL:DR Didn't come on to moan, just to say that neuroplasticity is definitely a thing, and a few shifts in perspective can work wonders.

I fortunately had a lovely childhood, Mum, Dad and older Sister.

We weren’t rich but didn’t go without anything and definitely lots of love.

I had an idyllic childhood in many ways. My mum was a SAHM until was 11 and then worked in a school; she always did lovely things with us in the school holidays, my dad made decent money so there were never any money worries (that I was aware of), a decent number of foreign holidays, driving lessons, residential school trips. Someone would always pick me up and drop me off as a teenager. I was very lucky.

However I don’t believe that anyone gets out completely “unscathed”. All people are flawed and it is natural that issues your parents might have (which may have come from their parents) are passed onto you. In my family this is never talking about our feelings, being awkward about saying “I love you” and showing affection and terrible anxiety which nobody ever really has acknowledged even though it affects us all in different ways. I’m working through some of this stuff now. I doesn’t mean I had a bad childhood, my parents did their best to give me the best childhood they good, but we are all human at the end of the day.

Read the short poem “this be the verse” by Phillip Larkin.

I had a very stable, happy childhood with loving parents but have suffered with various mental health issues since adolescence. They supported me amazingly well and I try to bring up my kids in the way I was parented.

I had a happy childhood. Both my parents I would say were great parents- boundaries but no abuse, enough money to be comfortable but not spoiled, allowed to make our own decisions and trusted to do so, but given advice and support rather than being left to our own devices.

I feel I'm a happy adult, no mental health issues or attachment issues or relationship problems. I hope to be a parent like this to my kids.

Lately I seem to hear constantly about the impact of childhood trauma and how it affects people going into adulthood, whether it be with their mental health, self esteem, addiction, relationships, attachment etc. I just wondered if those who had happy, healthy childhoods still suffer from these kinds of issues, or if they are relatively happy in life? Or is it a case of it doesn’t matter how you were raised, no one gets out unscathed?

I had a violent, alcoholic, chaotic, abusive, neglectful childhood and then spent 8yrs in the care system. I have none, and have never had, any of the problems you mention above. It's not a foregone conclusion.

Generally happy but like many women my age my mother had an unhealthy relationship with food and weight and that was kind of pushed on to me and I still struggle with it in my 40s. It was the norm with the people around me too so I didn’t realize how damaging it was until later, I’m just glad I never had a full blown eating disorder as a result

I had a great childhood, i was raised by my parents, grandparents and any other family as is normal for our culture. Looking back there were a few things that were far from normal and should have been traumatising but they weren't . My Mum wasn't a hands on Mum, she went to work through choice so didn't have time to play with me every day but always found time for my bedtime story and to take me on day trips to the city. My Dad was often away, he was the best Dad, his family meant everything to him. I grew up knowing i was loved, i wanted for nothing and had much more than most people but was never spoiled ( acting like a brat would never have been allowed) I had to work in the family business from a very young age, i was given a chore to do every day and when i turned 10 i was expected to do enough to earn my pay packet every Saturday. This has stood me in good stead in my adult life, i knew you had to put in the hours to earn the money to live. I wish every child had the childhood that i had ( with a couple of dramas taken away)

It doesn’t mean I had a bad childhood, my parents did their best to give me the best childhood they good, but we are all human at the end of the day.

I really agree with this. A few years back, if anyone asked I would say I had an extremely happy childhood aside from one major trauma, which has affected me a lot. But lately I've been digging deeper and I've realised that it wasn't just the one trauma, but that there were a lot of other minor things, and they would still fall within the happy childhood (loving parents, financially comfortable, nurturing school, wide circle of friends, lovely holidays) bucket.

I'm reading a great book at the moment actually - Parenting from the Inside Out by Dan Siegel if anyone is interested! - which is all about how your past experiences shape the way you parent, and how you can recognise and move forward from those experiences so you don't repeat the same mistakes with your children.

I had a lovely childhood. 2 loving parents and 2 Aunties who doted on me and my sister's as neither of them could have children of their own. Got taken on loads of treats by Aunties. Dad had decent wage and both parents good at budgeting. I went on to have a happy life and even though first marriage did not work I was still able to move on and remarry and very happy with DH and DC.

I had a genuinely lovely upbringing - my parents did, and still do, love each other, and me and DBro unconditionally. No financial worries, nice house, holidays every year, huge amounts of time spent with us both

My mam was a bit crazy but overall a "good" childhood. Not much dosh but plenty good things. I've had periods of depression and anxiety. Not certain these are related.

My ACE score is 9. My upbringing was v traumatic. However, I earn £70K doing a job I love, have a wonderful partner in a decades-long relationship and 2 great kids.
Free education helped, as did therapy.
Statistics can be useful but individuals can choose their own narrative to a large degree.

I did, I felt very loved. Not always 100% happy but mostly given enough support to be able to deal with difficult things.
Definitely not perfect, but really secure.

I didn’t have a majority happy childhood, my parents argued in front of me a lot, and my mum had mental health problems. It’s not affected my life though, even though it probably could have. My close friends I’d say 50% had a good childhood, the other half had trauma from parents getting divorced / sibling dying from cancer. All of them have grown up to have families of their own with it any problems, though of course the pain remains and when a few drinks have been had that comes out