My ACE score is 0, and I had a wonderful childhood but mumsnet tears it’s hair out at it.
I boarded from 9 years old, and no, my parents were not military or abroad. Dad worked a lot, mum was a housewife but was disabled physically. I have two older siblings, we were all supported as needed and were taught to respect ourselves and others.
We travelled a lot, and had massively busy weekends with many sports competitions for all of us. We did lots of long journeys and did very little of the infamous downtime MN seems determined children must have. We socialised widely, with all sorts of different people and cultures- and had an open house policy. Our bedrooms were used for guests as needed, another MN a red flag, but we never felt like we didn’t have spaces of our own: logically, a bit rambling house helped that of course!
We were listened to- and expected to listen! We didn’t do massive displays of affection but knew we were loved. My father was the disciplinarian, our mother the softer touch.
Probably as much coincidence as anything else, but my siblings and I all have happy marriages, I’m the youngest and have been married a decade. Our parents were happily married for thirty plus years before mum died. We are all successful in our own way- a stay at home parent, a career business professional and the third of us is internally renowned in their field. No mental health issues bar a little depression through an infertility journey and a when we lost mum.
No one is NC with anyone else, no one has stone walled anyone else, no one has ever stormed out of a gathering, no one has refused to go to anyone else’s wedding/kid’s christening or whatever.
I think our upbringing has shaped the people we are, and having excellent examples of respectful loving relationships modelled to us has helped us to emulate them.