Do most Teenagers do drugs?

[Oslosunshine]

DD is 17. She was at a party last night and I got a call from her as it got shut down by the police. One of the girls at the party was taken to hospital in an ambulance after an overdose. Today I had a chat with the mum of the boy who’s party it was and she was, to be expected, incredibly frustrated as she had to fly back to deal with the fallout. Thankfully the police were only really fussed about the noise after the neighbours complained and nothing is being taken further.

However, this prompted me to speak to my DD about why drugs should be avoided and about being sensible etc. DD got very defensive and told me that everyone does drugs, ‘MDMA is safer than alcohol’ and lots more to that extent.

I was incredibly shocked- I know DD smokes (both cigarettes and weed) and whilst I would prefer her to stop, she’s 17 and like most of my peers, I did the same at her age. However, I knew absolutely nothing of the hard drugs and how common they are with her friends.

DH is also worried but sees it as an almost given. He went to a similar school in London to hers and was in a similar ‘scene’ when he was younger and confirms that it is very much the norm.

Mum of the party boy agreed that coke, ketamine, MDMA are all very normalised with their peers and thinks the best course of action is to educate them on dosages, rather than pleading with them to stop.

I feel so naive; I feel as if I have failed my daughter by bringing her up in this privileged inner city London environment where most of the DC have the money for these expensive drugs. But DH thinks it’s not our fault and that this happens everywhere. It certainly didn’t happen on this scale when I was growing up in a less privileged, more suburban area.

Is this normal for teenagers everywhere/ was I just incredibly sheltered growing up?

In fact the son of my Secondary school headteacher who went to a wonderful private school, got all As and studied politics at a Russell group university now deals weed for a living

You’d be surprised at how many people are doing it, many who you wouldn’t expect

@downtonabbeyfan1234 Yes, that was me! I agree that parents should be around during parties, but I still think that if teens want to get hold of drugs, they'll find a way. DD was offered a joint during a sleepover and I know the host's Mum really well -I'm certain she had no idea. I did tell her afterwards and DD never stayed over again. Luckily, DD was going off this friend anyway and no longer hangs out with her.

Once they turn 18 and go off to university, we really will have no control. I hope my DD uses her common sense.

@PetiteBanane23

Went to a small sixth form in an affluent area… from year 11/ age 16 many people did weed and smokes

from 17/ sixth form most people I knew and their friends from other colleges did coke & MDMA. Poppers, regularly smoked weed… we used to go to the pub at lunch time on our fake IDs!

The private schoolers were the worst IME

This was about ten years ago

I think this is a typical illustration of why some posters don't believe that others didn't do this as teenagers. Young posters like PetiteBanane23 were teenagers only 10 years ago when these drugs were readily available.

I was a teenager over 40 years ago. Most of these drugs just weren't around then. Also, it wasn't considered "cool" to do drugs. I knew two girls in my 6th form (1975 - 1977) who did drugs, and they were weed and LSD.

I'm 32. I didn't do drugs growing up not even weed. Wasn't particularly a big drinker. None of my peer group did drugs either. They were easy to get, we knew who was doing them but nobody seemed interested except the 3 or 4 known offenders in a cohort of about 100.

My mother allowed us to drink at home, shandy from about age 7 up and then a bottle of beer or a glass of wine at 15 by the time I'd got to 18 and could buy it myself there was nothing wonderous about it 🤣 it was just alcohol, yes I could drink more of it with friends out clubbing and I definitely exceeded my limit on one or more occasions but nothing drastic ending up in hopsitalisation.

My mother wasn't exceptionally strict, she told us, it's easier to say no and never know what it does than end up dead from trying it once 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was never one for peer pressure and my mother raised strong independent children. Neither me or my brother are prone to peer pressure and we have firm personal boundaries.

I grew up in the 90’s and we were pretty wild. Out at least 3 nights a week but I never. Dud drugs. E’s were a big thing but I’ve never touched it.

I don’t think most teens do no. My own two are only 14 and 15 and I really hope they don’t either.

@Cameleongirl I still think they need to be taught right and wrong. Drugs are a WRONG.

Some cultures handle the '18 and off to uni' thing very differently. I know some don't let their kids move out to uni because they don't want their kids 'falling into bad habits'.

DS was telling me about a girl in his year whose parents didn't allow her to apply to Oxbridge simply because they did not want her living out.

:(

@downtonabbeyfan1234
I’m sorry but 17 year olds are almost adults. They know 18 year olds who are adults. In what world can parents monitor all parties?

Even if we tried to do that, they would simply go clubbing/to raves instead- so surely even more counterproductive.

@Cameleongirl
Your DD never stayed over again because of a spliff?

Its not about area, its about the friendship group they're in. In some teen circles it's the norm, in others not. A teen who is part of a circle where house parties, drinking and smoking is part of the culture is obviously a lot more likely to take drugs than one who's social life revolves around school orchestra, drama or sports clubs. No point blaming yourself, it's not where you live, and your influence is likely to be very limited compared to her friends. There's a lot of peer pressure to be part of the fun party crowd, not to mention its obviously a lot of fun! If you don't like it, there's only really two options. Put as many barriers up as you can by withholding money, lifts and other means of facilitating her lifestyle; or accept it and focus on harm limitation as other people have said.

@Oslosunshine At that girl’s house, no. But there was more to it than the spliff, other behaviour that made my DD uncomfortable and she backed away from the friendship.

Unfortunately, this girl is now “known” as problematic at their school and many parents don’t want their children associating with her. DD was friends with her a couple of years ago and realized things were heading in the wrong direction. This girl does have friends, but I’m assuming their parents aren’t aware of some of her activities.

One thing I think I’ve got right with my DD is that she’s not afraid to tell me things, she knows I won’t go mad!

@downtonabbeyfan1234

I vehemently disagree with this 'oh no you can't stop them. Best just educate them about it.'

Be a parent. Be firm, be strict. And raise your child so that they don't take illegal harmful substances in the name of 'having a good time'.

Haha wouldn't life be simple if this really worked in The real world you are obviously way out of touch

Yep and clearly doesnt have teens !!

@collieresponder88 the TV show worlds strictest parents shows otherwise (enacting discipline) I'm not saying go to that extreme but the show does deal with unruly British teens. Can't just be like oh 'lah dee dah de dah they are nearly an adult, let them do whatever they want'. You're still their parent.
@Oslosunshine even if they are 18. They are still young and immature (brain has not fully developed yet). Also many clubs have strict no drugs policy. Get caught, get banned from that club.

[quote downtonabbeyfan1234]@collieresponder88 the TV show worlds strictest parents shows otherwise (enacting discipline) I'm not saying go to that extreme but the show does deal with unruly British teens. Can't just be like oh 'lah dee dah de dah they are nearly an adult, let them do whatever they want'. You're still their parent.
@Oslosunshine even if they are 18. They are still young and immature (brain has not fully developed yet). Also many clubs have strict no drugs policy. Get caught, get banned from that club.[/quote]
Sorry i get the feeling you dont have teens, try this with one , esp 18+, it doesn't work :(

I was doing speed at 17.. all you can do is educate them. Drugs will never not be a part of teenagers lives

Nope not normal. I did - hash and a bit of acid. My kids don’t.

It is not normal. This is a 2021 study of 10,000 teenagers
www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2021/feb/10-teenagers-have-tried-hard-drugs-age-17

Full study:
cls.ucl.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/CLS-briefing-paper-Risky-behaviours-MCS-Age-17-initial-findings.pdf

Yes they do... but in the cohort of my kids ( currently 17-27) they do weed .. and coke on ' if nights out' .. which tbh is exactly hat I did ... I am now a 'respectable' high ish level civil servant...stopped when got married and plebes a child

The issue is when it becomes something beyond recreational.

Id honestly say it is very normal

@GotheFtobed

Nope not normal. I did - hash and a bit of acid. My kids don’t.

How do you know?

Nope not all I have 4 who are so anti drugs they have had arguments with friends over it. Ds is mega into his sport and sees drugs as the enemy
The girls are also anti but not on sporting grounds

My children reckon about 5-10% of their year groups take drugs (ketamine and cannabis) and maybe another 15% have tried it once or twice. (sixth form). So no I would say definitely not normal for it to be "most".

I guess you don't really know what your kids are doing but it obviously depends on what your child is like.
Honestly? If they are popular and go out with friends to parties a lot, then yes most of their friends probably dabble with drugs.

[quote downtonabbeyfan1234]@collieresponder88 the TV show worlds strictest parents shows otherwise (enacting discipline) I'm not saying go to that extreme but the show does deal with unruly British teens. Can't just be like oh 'lah dee dah de dah they are nearly an adult, let them do whatever they want'. You're still their parent.
@Oslosunshine even if they are 18. They are still young and immature (brain has not fully developed yet). Also many clubs have strict no drugs policy. Get caught, get banned from that club.[/quote]
Definitely church youth clubs have those strictly enforced rules.

I find Mn naieve or in denial about it.
Some people feel very strongly about it, either extreme side, most don't.

The link below says 1/3 had done weed. I believe it's probably slightly more than that. That's out of 10,000 surveyed. I wouldn't admit anything on a survey. I doubt kids tell the complete truth either, even anonymously. Plus 10,000 is not that big a survey. The schools round here are big, and very good. That survey is equivalent to only a few of our local schools.

Ds1 says most things are readily available for those that want it. Many don't want it. Many partake once, or a few times. Many don't, just aren't interested, all totally fine.

I find the same when talking to mum friends about it, most tried it once or twice in Uni, a few never have. Totally the norm. You can even predict easily which person will say what.

The question was do most? Most? Probably not. But it's a lot lot higher than you think. Maybe not hard stuff, maybe not regularly. And there will always be people who never would, have zero interest. But do many try? Something once or twice? Many. Maybe not most. But more than you think.