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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do most Teenagers do drugs?

403 replies

Oslosunshine · 17/02/2022 13:00

DD is 17. She was at a party last night and I got a call from her as it got shut down by the police. One of the girls at the party was taken to hospital in an ambulance after an overdose. Today I had a chat with the mum of the boy who’s party it was and she was, to be expected, incredibly frustrated as she had to fly back to deal with the fallout. Thankfully the police were only really fussed about the noise after the neighbours complained and nothing is being taken further.

However, this prompted me to speak to my DD about why drugs should be avoided and about being sensible etc. DD got very defensive and told me that everyone does drugs, ‘MDMA is safer than alcohol’ and lots more to that extent.

I was incredibly shocked- I know DD smokes (both cigarettes and weed) and whilst I would prefer her to stop, she’s 17 and like most of my peers, I did the same at her age. However, I knew absolutely nothing of the hard drugs and how common they are with her friends.

DH is also worried but sees it as an almost given. He went to a similar school in London to hers and was in a similar ‘scene’ when he was younger and confirms that it is very much the norm.

Mum of the party boy agreed that coke, ketamine, MDMA are all very normalised with their peers and thinks the best course of action is to educate them on dosages, rather than pleading with them to stop.

I feel so naive; I feel as if I have failed my daughter by bringing her up in this privileged inner city London environment where most of the DC have the money for these expensive drugs. But DH thinks it’s not our fault and that this happens everywhere. It certainly didn’t happen on this scale when I was growing up in a less privileged, more suburban area.

Is this normal for teenagers everywhere/ was I just incredibly sheltered growing up?

OP posts:
downtonabbeyfan1234 · 19/02/2022 20:47

You also cannot legally consent to sex when high. (This includes weed)

LondonQueen · 19/02/2022 20:54

Drugs weren't really a thing for my group til uni. She's 17, it would be a flat no from me.

pompomseverywhere · 19/02/2022 20:55

I asked my daughter this and she said yes almost everyone is doing it. She listed all my friends teenage children who take drugs. I couldn't believe the ones on the list. Some I obviously wasn't surprised at but others I would never have guessed in a million years.

There will be loads of people on this thread thinking not my child. But yes it most likely is your child.

collieresponder88 · 19/02/2022 21:59

@pompomseverywhere

I asked my daughter this and she said yes almost everyone is doing it. She listed all my friends teenage children who take drugs. I couldn't believe the ones on the list. Some I obviously wasn't surprised at but others I would never have guessed in a million years.

There will be loads of people on this thread thinking not my child. But yes it most likely is your child.

Totally agree Most will experiment it's best to assume they will and arm them with information rather than just tell them not too and be in denial about it. Teach them how to stay as safe as possible
Blueberry40 · 20/02/2022 05:09

[quote downtonabbeyfan1234]@Blueberry40 the sensible choice is to not do drugs :/[/quote]
Of course it is. However, teenagers are notorious for not being sensible. Better to equip them with the tools they need to make sensible choices rather than be in complete denial that they will ever be in situations where those choices have to be made.

Bromse · 20/02/2022 06:09

@downtonabbeyfan1234

You also cannot legally consent to sex when high. (This includes weed)
The problem is when both parties are under the influence. I suppose in that case, they both slink away afterwards, feeling rather bad and hoping there are no consequences. That surely happens quite a bit when people get together and over indulge.

Booze is the worst though.

merrymelodies · 20/02/2022 07:05

Where I live now, drugs are commonplace among teens. Both of my DC have tried weed, much to my distress. They're well aware of the dangers linked to recreational drug use. DD tried once, DS used to smoke regularly (I had no idea) until he was caught at school and was suspended. He was lucky not to be expelled.

Karwomannghia · 20/02/2022 08:32

@pompomseverywhere

I asked my daughter this and she said yes almost everyone is doing it. She listed all my friends teenage children who take drugs. I couldn't believe the ones on the list. Some I obviously wasn't surprised at but others I would never have guessed in a million years.

There will be loads of people on this thread thinking not my child. But yes it most likely is your child.

Did your daughter say she does drugs too?
pompomseverywhere · 20/02/2022 09:22

@Karwomannghia
Yes

Snog · 20/02/2022 09:35

I'd say the majority of secondary school kids will try drugs and they are easily available to school children.

Drugs are way easier to get hold of than when I was at school in the early 1980s.

Arnia · 20/02/2022 09:59

No, location is an issue but it depends on many factors but most definitely not all teens. I grew up in an average sized town. Some did drugs but many more didn't. Very, very few of my friends did class A drugs. The ones that did went to private school and came from wealthy families so there was definitely a privilege correlation IME but of course that anecdotal.

I live rurally now, according to my husband a significant number of young people around here do hard drugs (he works with them) which surprised me. Mixed bag in the background stakes but mostly working class. I have teen/early 20's cousins and they would never dream of touching the stuff. They barely drink alcohol - much more civilised than me when I was young getting plastered every weekend Grin

You haven't failed your DD it's luck of the draw with the friends they end up with/the circles they mix in. She'll be fine just keep the lines of communication open (and slip a few scare stories in where you can!)

Skyellaskerry · 20/02/2022 11:06

Do young people who take drugs know the harm caused through the supply chains, not least county lines in this country, or do they know and choose to ignore them, and if they ignore, why?

withlust · 20/02/2022 11:13

Was the norm for me and my friends, however not as young as 17, I really started experimenting at 19 and tried pretty much everything (not heroin) but the rest. MDMA was very popular along with ketamine and moonshine (cringe) at the time. No one that I knew died but there were some close calls and a few people haven't managed to break free from that lifestyle 10 years later. I'm 30 now and don't take anything as I feel I did all my experimenting, had fun but have moved on. I'm a mum now also so life has changed a lot since then.

From what I have heard it still goes on today to the same extent. I was at uni and an 18 year old girl was sat beside me, she asked me if I'd gotten my student loan through yet, when I replied I had and asked if she had she said yes but she spent it all. I said what on? And she replied 'drugs'. 🤣 Upon spending more time with her and her friend who was 19 throughout the course of a year, they were out every weekend taking some sort of drug, but mainly MDMA and they always had their drugs planned and sorted during the week for the weekend. They would actually not drink much as they were mainly concerned with the drugs and effects of them.

pompomseverywhere · 20/02/2022 11:13

I think anyone on here thinking back to their day even if you are in your 30's is very naive to think that is relevant to today's world.

Cities, town and rural life is no measure to likelihood of drug exposure and taking.

pompomseverywhere · 20/02/2022 11:15

@withlust cross posted then and my post is not directed at you or anyone in particular

Macademiamum · 20/02/2022 11:19

I thought everyone did when I was a teenager (so I did too). Although my siblings managed not to in roughly same area and same circles. I think it was a heat group problem. Quite a lot of people I went to school with are dead now through suicide, drugs, eating disorders. I would advise my kids not to do drugs, even though I did have some great times on them because honestly there are so many other ways to have a great time and mental health is so fragile. But if they do all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces. I do see with teenagers now they seem to be a lot more engaged politically, be doing things for the community and doing a lot of sport and things like that, and I know there must have been teens like that when I was that age but (other than my siblings!) I didn't know any and don't remember any. I think it's because I was obsessed with being popular and having lots of friends at the expense of goal attainment and being safe and happy.

Macademiamum · 20/02/2022 11:20

Ironically I'm the one who doesn't have a good social group as a grown up, when that was my only focus as a teenager.

downtonabbeyfan1234 · 20/02/2022 11:55

@pompomseverywhere did she mean weed? or class A?

mibbelucieachwell · 20/02/2022 16:46

@Oslosunshine You probably can't protect your children from everything without closeting them so much that they're harmed from being too sheltered. It looks like you've probably protected them from most things.

Anniegetyourgun76 · 20/02/2022 16:49

I think it's been quite common since the 80s hasn't it and it's far easier and cheaper for them to get it these days.

downtonabbeyfan1234 · 20/02/2022 19:17

I vehemently disagree with this 'oh no you can't stop them. Best just educate them about it.'

Be a parent. Be firm, be strict. And raise your child so that they don't take illegal harmful substances in the name of 'having a good time'.

pompomseverywhere · 20/02/2022 19:27

@downtonabbeyfan1234

Class A party drugs

My friends children also doing it included very successful studious ones, sporty focused ones, ambitious ones, quiet ones. The whole range. Their parents (my friends) have no idea

Cameleongirl · 20/02/2022 19:50

@downtonabbeyfan1234

I vehemently disagree with this 'oh no you can't stop them. Best just educate them about it.'

Be a parent. Be firm, be strict. And raise your child so that they don't take illegal harmful substances in the name of 'having a good time'.

But you can't be there every minute of every day, can you? If my DD goes to a party and is offered drugs, how would I know? All I can do is talk to her about the effects of drugs, how just one pill could harm her, the effects of binge drinking, etc.

I can also get to know her friends and keep her focused on getting to university, doing well on her sports team, and realising that everything ends up on SM nowadays - so if she takes something, everyone could potentially find out. But I can't hover over her 24/7.

downtonabbeyfan1234 · 20/02/2022 20:33

@pompomseverywhere sorry about that.

@Cameleongirl maybe these parties aren't the places to go to. More realistically the parents of the host should make sure no drug taking goes on under their roof. Looking at a PP in the US it seems parents get in trouble if other teens drink in their house!

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 21:01

Went to a small sixth form in an affluent area… from year 11/ age 16 many people did weed and smokes

from 17/ sixth form most people I knew and their friends from other colleges did coke & MDMA. Poppers, regularly smoked weed… we used to go to the pub at lunch time on our fake IDs!

The private schoolers were the worst IME

This was about ten years ago

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