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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to assume that my DS's money will be safe if marriage fails?

112 replies

SweatyBetty1234 · 15/02/2022 19:02

My 65 year old DS met a man from Morocco who was aged 30 in a pub, and then spent the following 2 years wrangling with the authorities to get his application to live in the UK approved. They then married in Morocco and he came to live with her in the UK. This was 4 and a half years ago. She has supported him since he came to the UK as he has only done small bits of work here and there.

As he has nearly been in the UK 5 years, it will soon be time for her husband to apply for indefinite leave to remain.

We are just worried that if DS's husband's intentions are not honourable, he may just leave her when he has a full UK passport. Whilst there is nothing anyone can do to stop this happening, will he also be entitled to half her money if he files for divorce?

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

What would he be entitled to? DS's husband has not contributed financially since the marriage, other than the odd piece of work here and there.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweatyBetty1234 · 15/02/2022 19:03

DS is Darling Sister and not Darling Son in this case, by the way.

OP posts:
WheresYourSnickers · 15/02/2022 19:06

If they're married then do standard divorce laws apply? Everything spilt 50/50?
To be honest, I'm in shock she fell for this : 65 Yr old woman & 30yr old man who needs a visa??? - is it ever not a scam?

Santaslittlemelter · 15/02/2022 19:09

I think your concerns are VERY valid.

How strange he’s contributed almost nothing throughout the marriage, unless of course his intentions are to use her.

I’m sorry but I think the writing is already on the wall.

GinIronic · 15/02/2022 19:09

I would suggest your DS starts spending her money before the inevitable divorce.

Viviennemary · 15/02/2022 19:13

She has been scammed I'd say. He is after her money.

AnneElliott · 15/02/2022 19:14

He's likely to be after the ILR. So I wouldn't be surprised if he leaves once he has that.

Not sure about the money - in my experience (previously in immigration) they want a quick divorce so they can marry someone else and start the whole ILR scam all over again.

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 15/02/2022 19:15

She could sell her story to take a break and earn a bit of money back

lockdownalli · 15/02/2022 19:21

Why would her money be "safe?"

No there would be some split of assets if he wishes to divorce her once he has his residency sorted. She could easily lose 50%. Is she waking up to this or is she still in denial?

Redlorryyellowduck · 15/02/2022 19:22

Does she think divorce is on the cards? If so would she give you a lump sum to keep safe?

Blossom64265 · 15/02/2022 19:24

She would be wise to very quietly meet with a solicitor and an estate planner to see if there is anything she can do to protect her assets.

Lyonic · 15/02/2022 19:25

This guy gets a uk passport and half of a 65 year olds money she worked for?

To be honest, you reap what you sow. You will bw worried but there is nothing you can do but watch and wait.

adriftabroad · 15/02/2022 19:30

Of course it's a scam. She needs to give you her money asap.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/02/2022 19:33

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

adriftabroad · 15/02/2022 19:35

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

I agree.
Rickrollme · 15/02/2022 19:35

Of course YANBU to be concerned but your sister is a grown woman, presumably quite a capable one to have earned so much money. She has made choices that certainly don’t seem advisable but you can’t protect her from herself.

puffyisgood · 15/02/2022 19:36

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

this.
Darbs76 · 15/02/2022 19:38

Well they are married so yes he’s entitled to half - he might not be interested if he’s just after his ILR which is likely by the sounds of it.

SeasonFinale · 15/02/2022 19:40

And indeed he could be seen as a dependent of hers and be entitled to some for of spousal support too if he hasn't worked and she supported him.

picklemewalnuts · 15/02/2022 19:40

Isn't he equally likely to stay, and inherit all of it when she dies? As he will almost certainly outlive her.

AnakinthePadawhine · 15/02/2022 19:47

This is why you do not marry your toyboy. Enjoy your time and then detach sensibly.

But yes, OP, your sister is stupid enough to think this is real, and her money is definitely not safe.

TheNinny · 15/02/2022 19:52

Could she ‘gift’ some to you for safe keeping? Or another trusted person? If she’s married him in good faith though I doubt she will share or see your misgivings…love is blind
As they say

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 15/02/2022 19:55

He will be entitled to 50% if they divorce, plus possibly spousal support considering he's not worked during the marriage

WouldIwasShookspeared · 15/02/2022 19:57

A 30 year old fell head over heels for a 65 year old.
Yeah. Got to say that's quite unlikely.

She's got a fair bit of cash hasn't she?

Yup. He'll bugger off as soon as he's able to and no doubt gran as much as he can.

Or maybe with the age difference he's counting on being a young, wealthy widower.

Does she really believe he's in love with her?

neverbeenskiing · 15/02/2022 19:57

Is it definitely true for a fact that assets have to be split 50/50 in the event of a divorce? If that's the case then why do I know so many women whose high-earning DH's have left them without a pot to piss in?

WouldIwasShookspeared · 15/02/2022 19:58

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

That is an excellent perspective actually.
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