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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to assume that my DS's money will be safe if marriage fails?

112 replies

SweatyBetty1234 · 15/02/2022 19:02

My 65 year old DS met a man from Morocco who was aged 30 in a pub, and then spent the following 2 years wrangling with the authorities to get his application to live in the UK approved. They then married in Morocco and he came to live with her in the UK. This was 4 and a half years ago. She has supported him since he came to the UK as he has only done small bits of work here and there.

As he has nearly been in the UK 5 years, it will soon be time for her husband to apply for indefinite leave to remain.

We are just worried that if DS's husband's intentions are not honourable, he may just leave her when he has a full UK passport. Whilst there is nothing anyone can do to stop this happening, will he also be entitled to half her money if he files for divorce?

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

What would he be entitled to? DS's husband has not contributed financially since the marriage, other than the odd piece of work here and there.

OP posts:

Original poster

SweatyBetty1234 · 18/02/2022 14:08

@Summersnake

You really have rose tinted glasses on ,op ,where your sister is concerned. Gullible,gullible….no she isn’t . She knows full well no English 30 year old would be attracted to a 65 year old

With respect, you are wrong. I know my DS a little better than you and can assure you that DS doesn't have even the smallest suspicion that her husband doesn't adore her.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/02/2022 14:49

I've heard similar from men with Thai and Filipina wives.

I find it stunning that people could be so blind to inequality and class analysis. Denial is a wonderful thing. And if being that ignorant means they can have sex with people 35 years younger, there's a lot resting on that ignorance.

Interesting that the rest of us travelling around the majority world find it so incredibly easy to spot. It's everywhere and very very obvious.

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 14:51

DS doesn't have even the smallest suspicion that her husband doesn't adore her.

Then she’s either not the sharpest tool in the box or deluded.

Almostwelsh · 18/02/2022 15:02

Irrespective of the judgements on their relationship it's unlikely to be a 50/50 split on divorce under English law if it's a short marriage with no children. Spousal maintenance is also unlikely unless she is super rich.

He might well get something, but 50% is unlikely. And it would be the same if the sexes were reversed.

Almostwelsh · 18/02/2022 15:09

As for judgement on exploitation - if she married him for love, she isn't exploiting him. She isn't pretending to be younger than she is, he had the full facts of the situation.

If he married her for money or a passport but led her to believe it was for love to get her to agree to the marriage, then he is the one doing the exploiting. She didn't have the full facts of the situation. He is 30, not a teenager. And plenty of men live in Morocco all their lives. It might not offer the lifestyle of the UK, but it doesn't sound like he was in literal danger living there, just poorer than he would like.

Original poster

SweatyBetty1234 · 18/02/2022 15:16

@MrsTerryPratchett

I've heard similar from men with Thai and Filipina wives.

Interesting that the rest of us travelling around the majority world find it so incredibly easy to spot. It's everywhere and very very obvious.

I can't say I disagree with you. I don't feel that anything could persuade me that a man over 30 years younger would find me attractive. It stretches credulity beyond belief.

OP posts:

Original poster

SweatyBetty1234 · 18/02/2022 15:19

@Blossomtoes

DS doesn't have even the smallest suspicion that her husband doesn't adore her.

Then she’s either not the sharpest tool in the box or deluded.

She got a first class honours degree, so very clever but most likely deluded.

OP posts:

MrsBaublesDylan · 18/02/2022 19:37

When I met dh he was 20 and I was 28. I was very careful to not pressure him into a relationship and it took compromises on both sides to make it work.

What I can't understand is how someone lying in bed with a man 30 years younger than her, isn't racked with deep insecurity?

How she can then financially provide for this person, like a mother to a child, and still feel desirable?

How she can know this man desperately needs money and a UK passport and still believe it is her personality and looks which have enticed him into her bed?

I'm wondering if the women who do this have a very high opinion of themselves which is why they are so vulnerable to this particular con?

GreenTeaMom · 18/02/2022 20:40

Yeah… if I was her I would be transferring my assets and money over to someone 110% trusted until the inevitable divorce is finalised… I mean what she doesn’t have she can’t split can she? 😅

Original poster

SweatyBetty1234 · 18/02/2022 21:03

@MrsBaublesDylan

When I met dh he was 20 and I was 28. I was very careful to not pressure him into a relationship and it took compromises on both sides to make it work.

What I can't understand is how someone lying in bed with a man 30 years younger than her, isn't racked with deep insecurity?

How she can then financially provide for this person, like a mother to a child, and still feel desirable?

How she can know this man desperately needs money and a UK passport and still believe it is her personality and looks which have enticed him into her bed?

I'm wondering if the women who do this have a very high opinion of themselves which is why they are so vulnerable to this particular con?

I know that she was very insecure when they first got together. She was talking about plastic surgery (neck lift) to make her look younger.

OP posts:

Original poster

SweatyBetty1234 · 18/02/2022 21:04

@GreenTeaMom

DSis would not think to do this because she trusts her husband completely.

OP posts:

Yearofthetygerburningbright · 18/02/2022 22:49

I can see both sides of this and it depends on the exact dynamics. But why would a 65 year old who has managed to look after herself and do well, financially, in life, be naive? And if she is, well surely that is her free choice unless she's had some specific issue in her back story to make her thus? She's an adult making adult choices. Possible bad ones, possibly not. There IS an element of potential exploitation from her side of things, as some people have already indicated, as well as potentially from his.

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