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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to assume that my DS's money will be safe if marriage fails?

112 replies

SweatyBetty1234 · 15/02/2022 19:02

My 65 year old DS met a man from Morocco who was aged 30 in a pub, and then spent the following 2 years wrangling with the authorities to get his application to live in the UK approved. They then married in Morocco and he came to live with her in the UK. This was 4 and a half years ago. She has supported him since he came to the UK as he has only done small bits of work here and there.

As he has nearly been in the UK 5 years, it will soon be time for her husband to apply for indefinite leave to remain.

We are just worried that if DS's husband's intentions are not honourable, he may just leave her when he has a full UK passport. Whilst there is nothing anyone can do to stop this happening, will he also be entitled to half her money if he files for divorce?

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

What would he be entitled to? DS's husband has not contributed financially since the marriage, other than the odd piece of work here and there.

OP posts:
jay55 · 15/02/2022 19:58

Surely its a short marriage, with most assets being accrued prior to the marriage.

FelicityPike · 15/02/2022 20:01

Wouldn’t it be classed as a short marriage and therefore 50/50 split might not be appropriate?
But yeah, definitely a marriage of convenience for him, either for money or the full passport.

Motnight · 15/02/2022 20:06

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

Excellent post @MrsTerryPratchett.
radioactive4 · 15/02/2022 20:06

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

👏🏼

Stompythedinosaur · 15/02/2022 20:09

Of course her husband will be entitled to a share of the marital assets, I dobt know why you think he wouldn't be?

Northernparent68 · 15/02/2022 20:09

@TheNinny

Could she ‘gift’ some to you for safe keeping? Or another trusted person? If she’s married him in good faith though I doubt she will share or see your misgivings…love is blind As they say
This is bad advice and possibly unlawful.
Totalwasteofpaper · 15/02/2022 20:10

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

Agree with this.

It's a transactional deal and I find it awful to think about.

MadameMinimes · 15/02/2022 20:11

Another one here who thinks @MrsTerryPratchett is spot on.

beautifullymad · 15/02/2022 20:12

Does she trust you implicitly?

I'd get her to legally gift her assets to you. You can own them but be unofficially holding them for her.

Assets need to be in your name for 12 months for them not to register on divorce documents. If she disposes of assets within 12 months of submitting the FormE then all has to be declared. So the sooner the better really.

If your gut instinct is proven and he does file for divorce after residency, then at least he'll walk away without her assets. However, this depends on whether she's transferred the assets into his name already.

It might be worth considering. You'd have to change your will so if anything happened to you her share would revert to her.

It's a bit of a messy fix. But I'd be willing to protect my sister for two years, just in case.

Arabellla · 15/02/2022 20:12

@MrsTerryPratchett

My DS worked hard for her money, and we feel sad that her DH could potentially try and take it from her.

And she's chosen to exploit some bloke from a poverty stricken country. I mean would a 30 yo in the UK date her? No. Because he wouldn't have any reason to. Her money is the reason (and a passport). If she was a 30 yo Thai woman with a 65 yo UK man, you'd see this for what it is, a relationship in return for money.

I find this kind of thing really distressing.

I completely agree.
Thirkettle · 15/02/2022 20:13

@SweatyBetty1234

DS is Darling Sister and not Darling Son in this case, by the way.
Maybe retire the silly acronyms if you want people to know who you're on about?
AnyFucker · 15/02/2022 20:16

I don’t know why you feel sorry for your sister. She is clearly predatory, or they both are.

Leave them to it. Unless she has learning difficulties, she made her own choices. To buy a young piece of arse. And yes, she will probably pay a high price for it.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/02/2022 20:18

Is it you that's worried that he might do a runner with half of her assets or is she equally concerned? Because depending on her position you might either alienate her further if she thinks this is 'true love' or indeed she might need to get planning if she fears the worst.

So he's been living off of her for 5 years just doing odd jobs here and there. So ostensibly a kept man?

beautifullymad · 15/02/2022 20:20

@Northernparent68 it's not illegal to make a gift of your assets. But only if they are In your sole name and not joint names.

We are reading into this situation (I think correctly) that her husband may apply for citizenship then divorce her. But at this point in time this is speculation. No one has filed for divorce so assets can freely be given.

She is entitled to gift whoever she wants with her assets. But, if a divorce gets to the financial statements within 12 months of transfer then all must legally be declared. If it's 12 months and one day, she doesn't have to mention it.

My advice is to get everything done quietly and above board and through a reputable solicitor and a financial planner who deals in divorce.

Jvg33 · 15/02/2022 20:20

Your concerns are valid.

Not much you can do - dear sister made a choice and no one forced her. I suppose it's a case of length of marriage, contribution etc. I don't think necessarily he will be entitled to 50%.

thepeopleversuswork · 15/02/2022 20:24

@Stompythedinosaur

Of course her husband will be entitled to a share of the marital assets, I dobt know why you think he wouldn't be?
He will but probably not 50% as someone else said upthread. If its a (relatively) short marriage without children and with most of the assets accrued before the marriage he would be unlikely to get 50%.

50% is the default starting point but any half decent lawyer would be able to make sure she doesn't get cleaned out.

If they are about to divorce though the sooner she does it the better. And she should definitely get a decent lawyer.

Original poster
SweatyBetty1234 · 15/02/2022 20:35

Thank you all for posting. It is a case of "There's no fool like an old fool". DS is genuinely believes her husband loves her as much as she loves him. She has no doubts at all about this.
I take the point many have made that DSis is exploiting her husband in some respects. She definitely thinks he is head over heels in love with her though and wouldn't see she has taken advantage of his situation in any way.

OP posts:
RB68 · 15/02/2022 20:37

its a bit more complex than 50 50. It will depend on whose name things are in and whether they were used as "family " assets or not. So if she owned 3 houses in hr name and rented them out and the monies were all kept seperate or paid into an account in her name for her use then they might not be considered joint assets. If they lived in ne house then it would depend how long in ownership - if she owned for 30 yrs and they lived together for 5 in it as married couple then he could have a claim on that (although if it was mortgaged to the hilt and capital was low it would be a proportion of that capital... so that might be a route to take short term)

ForeverSingle881 · 15/02/2022 20:37

Your sister made her choices, including buying herself a toyboy from a poor country. No 30 year old man enjoys being with a 65 year old woman. You could argue he earned his payday.

Derbee · 15/02/2022 20:39

@SweatyBetty1234

Thank you all for posting. It is a case of "There's no fool like an old fool". DS is genuinely believes her husband loves her as much as she loves him. She has no doubts at all about this. I take the point many have made that DSis is exploiting her husband in some respects. She definitely thinks he is head over heels in love with her though and wouldn't see she has taken advantage of his situation in any way.
Then it’s not your circus, not your monkeys. She has what’s inevitably coming to her unfortunately, but she’s walking straight into it. Nothing you can do
MyBottleOfRibena · 15/02/2022 20:43

@AnneElliott

He's likely to be after the ILR. So I wouldn't be surprised if he leaves once he has that.

Not sure about the money - in my experience (previously in immigration) they want a quick divorce so they can marry someone else and start the whole ILR scam all over again.

I don’t understand why he would need to marry someone else if he has ILR?
Original poster
SweatyBetty1234 · 15/02/2022 20:45

@ForeverSingle881

Your sister made her choices, including buying herself a toyboy from a poor country. No 30 year old man enjoys being with a 65 year old woman. You could argue he earned his payday.
That is certainly how it appears. However, DS is deluded enough to think that it is just an age gap relationship.
OP posts:
SantaHat · 15/02/2022 20:46

DS is genuinely believes her husband loves her as much as she loves him. She has no doubts at all about this.

But you obviously don’t think this is the case?

Original poster
SweatyBetty1234 · 15/02/2022 20:49

@SantaHat

DS is genuinely believes her husband loves her as much as she loves him. She has no doubts at all about this.

But you obviously don’t think this is the case?

Whilst no one can see into someone else's heart, I find it difficult to imagine that a 30 year old would be attracted to a 65 year old.
OP posts:
Looubylou · 15/02/2022 20:53

Some posters are being a little harsh. These men (if he turns out to be a wrong'un, he might not 🤞) target vulnerable women, who usually believe they have found love. Only sounds ridiculous to those who are not vulnerable, and haven't been targeted. The scammers do a good job on them - I doubt she will listen to you OP. I don't envy you feeling the need to protect her - it might back fire and ruin your relationship. Happens to men too obviously.