“No gifts please”

[ViaRia]

If you were invited to a family celebration - a full-on catered do at a venue such as a big birthday, christening reception or anniversary - and the invitation included the line “no gifts please” what would you think / how would you respond.

It’s a christening… in case your dying to know.

Is it presumptuous to write that (like they are assuming gifts would otherwise be bought), is it rude to mention gifts at all, is it annoying because you don’t want to show up empty handed and now it’s all awkward…?

Or is it perfect, because you’re already having to pay to travel and it means you can avoid the hassle of finding a gift?

Thanks in advance :)

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Turning up empty handed when invited for dinner is rude in my circle of friends *@CourtRand*

I think it is ruder to willfully ignore a specific request of "You don't need to bring anything" from your host than it is to turn up empty handed. Also there is a difference between a dinner party where you might bring a bottle of wine which I don't class as a "gift", but something to enjoy together as part of thr evening, and what is a traditional "gift giving" occasion where it is usually for people to bring gifts and so if you don't want guests to do so you have to explicitly say so.

I genuinely don't understand people who twist themselves in knots to find a loophole to the "No gifts, no seriously do not buy us anything" request. I think its actually quite disrespectful to totally disregard someone's wishes because you have decided that a) their request doesn't apply to you b) you know better c) You put your own discomfort of not following a social norm above your hosts wishes because d) clearly they are lying and they really do want gifts even when they have emphatically said the opposite.

Money instead.

@Bakewelltart987

Money instead.

That's still a gift.

No gifts = Bring nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. Not. Even. Money. Seriously. No. Gifts.

@Bakewelltart987

Money instead.

No.

What is the matter with you?

"No gifts" - that's two words.

Both of them are entirely unambiguous.

I'd always give a chunk of money for a christening anyway, not a gift. I wouldn't turn up empty handed.
Might be a slightly different tradition though to if I were in the UK.

The problem with this is that you will find that everyone else takes presents regardless and then you look mean, so you have to take a present anyway! Maybe not so much for a christening, but it happened at a wedding where a lot of people were travelling overseas for it, the couple said "no presents as you are already spending money to come" and then later said "we've had so many requests here is a gift list".

@AchillesPoirot

I would think you mean you want cash.

Cash is a gift.

I'd assume they don't want any gifts and that the polite thing to do would be to respect their wishes.

Christening - no gifts please but donations to x/church if wanted

Wedding - no gifts please but donations to x if wanted

Dinner party - shall I bring anything (starter? Dessert?) No it’s fine. Take wine.

@TomDaleysCardigan

Oh god. My literal autistic self is now cringing. Do people genuinely put that if they want money instead? I always did a charity donation if one was mentioned otherwise took it seriously.

I am also very literal. It would not occur to me that it meant being money instead. I would think it perfectly fine and turn up with nothing.

I'd give cash. I give cash anyway, do people really still want stuff? They are being polite and are not bothered if nothing is given, but most people do open an ISA/account after birth, so it's a contribution to the child.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Turning up empty handed when invited for dinner is rude in my circle of friends *@CourtRand*

That's dinner not a christening where they've specified no gifts

I find it annoying to be told not to bring gifts. It always happens in my wider family and I comply but find other people don't like not bringing anything so don't, then I feel bad for not bringing anything. Plus, people like buying gifts. I am probably old fashioned but it complicates a fairly standard custom unnecessarily. It's the fault of people who have overinflated present-giving, by making it the norm to spend heaps of money on everything, IMO.

The problem with this is that you will find that everyone else takes presents regardless and then you look mean, so you have to take a present anyway!

Exactly. This is exactly what happens. I've been to many a 'no gifts' do and it's fact!

The problem with this is that you will find that everyone else takes presents regardless and then you look mean, so you have to take a present anyway!

But how does anyone know who has and hasn't brought a present unless someone is standing at the door and not letting people in until they present their present for entry?

The last wedding I attended was my brother's a couple of years ago at a large stately house hotel. The night before the wedding we had a family meal in the hotel and all of my siblings and I, as well as my SILs brother gave gifts to DB and SIL after dinner, mostly as they were sentimental gifts but also because we all had roles in the wedding the following day and didn't want to have to add "remember the present" to our job lists.

On the wedding day some guests didnt bring anything, some brought a present in when they arrived for the ceremony, others left the present in the car and brought them in during the lull between ceremony/reception, others were brought when people arrived for the evening do, others just had envelopes produced from inside jacket pockets when they were reminded so gifts appeared at various points throughout the day.

Nobody, other than the B&G knew exactly who had given gifts and who had not because nobody (except the wedding coordinator, who periodically moved gifts from the table to put them up in the locked Bridal Suite) was keeping track of the gifts beyond "Oh Susie we all put gifts on the table over there if you want to put that box down" when someone was carrying a gift and clearly didn't know what to do with it.

Plus, people like buying gifts

And that is fine, buy anyone you like a gift unless they have specifically asked you not to.

I like wearing my rainbow onesie, but if I am asked to wear "formal attire" for an event, the hosts request trumps the guests preference so I dig out a dress and heels and have my onesie ready for when I get home instead.

I am probably old fashioned but it complicates a fairly standard custom unnecessarily.

There is nothing complicated about not buying a present for someone who does not want you to buy them a present and has explicitly said so.

What is complicated is the people who are so astonishingly rude as to dismiss their host's request because they feel like they know better.

When we got married we lived on a boat and we really REALLY couldn't deal with any gifts. We put "no gifts please, we live on a boat" and people still brought gifts! It's a very strong cultural norm here I think. In retrospect I wish we had specified a charity, to give people something to do instead.

I once went to a dinner party at a very grand Belgian lady's house and brought wine, flowers and chocolates. She gave me back the wine as she had already matched the wines to the dinner, gave me back the flowers as they didn't match the ones she already had but told me that the chocolates were very proper, as she could serve them with coffee - they were Belgian and £££ so at least I got one thing right!

It means they don't want any naff dust collectors... I'd get a nice card and put a note in saying if the baby has a bank account let me know the details... xxx

You would become my new best friend!

We had a “no gifts please” wedding & a “no gifts please” baby! Of course grandparents still bought gifts for the baby but it massively reduced the amount of stuff we accumulated.

Younger generations are much more conscious of overconsumption. I’m terrified of my DCs future on a planet which is polluted and dying. So when people buy him plastic tat because it’s “polite” to bring a gift it genuinely upsets me as it isn’t in his best interests at all. Most stuff goes completely unopened, unused and gets given to a second hand kids shop near me.

People always think they are being original by just “bringing a book or a keepsake cuddly toy”. In reality 50 other people have done the same thing and many of them have even picked the same book/cuddly.

Some people will think me ungrateful and yep, I am ungrateful to receive things I don’t want and now have to deal with when I specifically asked you not to burden me with it. Gift giving when expressly asked not to is about satisfying the giver, not the receiver.

Perfect, there is an expectation to gift at a Christening so knowing gifts aren't wanted is useful and saves me money

I genuinely don't understand people who twist themselves in knots to find a loophole to the "No gifts, no seriously do not buy us anything" request. I think its actually quite disrespectful to totally disregard someone's wishes because you have decided that a) their request doesn't apply to you b) you know better c) You put your own discomfort of not following a social norm above your hosts wishes because d) clearly they are lying and they really do want gifts even when they have emphatically said the opposite.

How bloody difficult is it to follow a simple instruction!!

No gifts is just that - they want your company and do not want anything more from you.

Just put something like 'we look forward to your company and don't want you to worry about gifts, you have already been so generous' and leave it at that.