“No gifts please”

[ViaRia]

If you were invited to a family celebration - a full-on catered do at a venue such as a big birthday, christening reception or anniversary - and the invitation included the line “no gifts please” what would you think / how would you respond.

It’s a christening… in case your dying to know.

Is it presumptuous to write that (like they are assuming gifts would otherwise be bought), is it rude to mention gifts at all, is it annoying because you don’t want to show up empty handed and now it’s all awkward…?

Or is it perfect, because you’re already having to pay to travel and it means you can avoid the hassle of finding a gift?

Thanks in advance :)

Reading your updates it sounds like you have the best of intentions… however I think it’s really really awkward.
Sounds either like you want money instead or you’re saying we’ve already got so much baby stuff we don’t want your crap as well!

So I would not say anything about gifts - if people want to bring a gift, let them, and they might not anyway!

If you’re speaking to people it would be okay to say please don’t worry about a present, you’ve already given him one etc, but I don’t think it translates well on an invitation.

I like the idea suggested by pp of putting some variation of "no gifts please, just your presence".

Op just to clear up any confusion I would ask for a donation to the church instead of a gift

I’d think you wanted cash, which is fine by me.

@Wafflesnsniffles

I'd respond by going, buying a picture book and not wrapping it up (maybe a ribbon) and writing an inscription in it. Nooooo dont do that - not unless they are likely to keep it forever - ruins its potential for selling on via a charity shop if its got "To dear Thomas, love from Aunty Marie and Uncle Bob" scrawled in it.

These are my favourite book finds in Charity shops! I love the inscriptions. It’s nice to know they were pre loved or thoughtfully given.

I had an Aunty Marie and Uncle Bob …

Only on mumsnet can people read so much into things 😅

If I received this I'd just assume you don't want a gift of any sort (Inc cash). I'd come along and we'd all have a nice time...

Surely no gifts mean no gifts, unless I am being dense today?

I think its fine....clear and polite.

@traintraveller

I'd presume they wanted money

Yep this or vouchers, should you ask ?

I think it is absolutely fine but I would send a card and a cheque for the baby, nobody will object to that. Go and enjoy yourself.

Ahhh just read it's you. Maybe say we wild like your presence not presents. But honestly people love buying babies gifts. Although you'll get loads of money boxes

For our DCs' christenings we put something along the lines of 'X has everything they need so if you would like to bring a gift, please consider buying something from Oxfam Unwrapped or similar'.

They did receive a few gifts on the day but lots of our friends bought mosquito nets, vaccinations or that sort of thing and DC received a card detailing what had been bought in their name. A number of people commented on how they liked being able to choose something from a charity of their choice. DCs are teens now and enjoy looking through the cards every now and then.

For a christening, I'd take it at face value and not bring a gift.

For a wedding, I'd give cash. I think the type of occasion makes a difference.

I'd take you at your word and get nowt.

I think it's absolutely fine, and much better than something less direct. I wouldn't interpret it as wanting cash personally.

Not quite the same thing, but I had big birthday party for my 50th and asked people to make donations to my chosen charity instead of gifts. We raised nearly £1500 which was great.

I put this on both my kids christening invitations. I wasn't fishing for cash, I suppose I just don't see a christening as a gift sort of occasion?

A couple of people still brought small gifts, and most people brought a card. As far as I know no offense was taken!

I assume no gifts means no gifts.

No boxed gifts means "cash fine though"

This is why people end up writing these twee "gift poems" for things like weddings and christenings etc as people cannot accept that "No gifts" actually means "Do not buy us stuff we have specifically told you we do not want/need/have space for, not because we are being ungrateful and fishing for cash but because we genuinely do not want people to buy us things"

People either put "No gifts" and still end up with half a dozen silver picture frames because people "can't possibly turn up empty handed" or they put "No gifts, but if you insist we would prefer X (whether that's cash/vouchers/donations etc)" and get lambasted for being grabby even though they have only made that request because they are trying to head off people buying them stuff even when they have specifically been told not to.

When DD was christened I lived abroad and came home to have her christened at my local church where I and all my family were also christened. Because of this I asked people not to give gifts as I knew it would end up being a massive hassle to take any gifts back on a flight, plus we already had everything we needed.

I also know that my family physically cannot turn up to any event empty handed so in the end I compromised and I specifically asked for No gifts but if people felt the need to get one then they choose their favourite book from their childhood to gift to DD to pass on the joy to the next generation and if they wanted to write a little note to DD in the front of the book to say why it was special to the giver then it would be appreciated. It worked really well, DD was gifted some beautiful books, nobody had to spend lots of money there were some really heartfelt dedications (even when she received two copies of a book, the different dedications meant that both copies were special in different ways for DD) and they were easy to pack and take home. DD is now 12 and she still has all of the books she was gifted for her christening - she got a lovely mix of classics, picture books and books for older children - so she is constantly growing into books that she was gifted and so the gift is still ongoing 12 years later. I will occassionally find her re-reading the dedication messages especially in the books she has grown out of because they are special to her and does not want to ever get rid of them.

Of course it's not presumptuous... people DO usually bring gifts to christenings. They're saying don't waste your money as they've got everything they need and just want your company.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Because it’s unspeakably rude to turn up empty handed. Do you turn up to dinner at someone’s house empty handed? You take wine and chocolates.

I've never taken chocolates to someone's house in my life. It's not rude to turn up at a Christening that has specified no gifts with no gifts! In fact it's ruder to ignore them and pump them with crap they don't want.

Turning up empty handed when invited for dinner is rude in my circle of friends @CourtRand

It does NOT mean 'we want cash instead' ffs!!

Good grief! How much explanation do some of you actually need in a sentence to be able to comprehend its meaning?

I despair sometimes 🤦‍♀️

Money in an envelope, in lieu of a wrapped up piggy bank, train set or bracelet, IS a gift (unless it's a 'loan' to pay the gas bill as you're a bit short this month 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️)...so 'no gift' means 'just come and enjoy the party' 👍

Perfect. I would just understand that baby doesn't need gifts and you would rather not have a fuckton of christening spoons/bracelets/tat that you have to try and regift over the next 18 years.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Turning up empty handed when invited for dinner is rude in my circle of friends *@CourtRand*

It would be equally rude to turn up with something when you had been specifically asked not to