“No gifts please”

[ViaRia]

If you were invited to a family celebration - a full-on catered do at a venue such as a big birthday, christening reception or anniversary - and the invitation included the line “no gifts please” what would you think / how would you respond.

It’s a christening… in case your dying to know.

Is it presumptuous to write that (like they are assuming gifts would otherwise be bought), is it rude to mention gifts at all, is it annoying because you don’t want to show up empty handed and now it’s all awkward…?

Or is it perfect, because you’re already having to pay to travel and it means you can avoid the hassle of finding a gift?

Thanks in advance :)

I'd respond by going, buying a picture book and not wrapping it up (maybe a ribbon) and writing an inscription in it.

Nooooo dont do that - not unless they are likely to keep it forever - ruins its potential for selling on via a charity shop if its got "To dear Thomas, love from Aunty Marie and Uncle Bob" scrawled in it.

'No gifts, just your presence' or something covers you so people don't think you're asking for money instead of gifts, that's what we did anyway!

I would do cash in that situation and assume that’s what was wanted.

I wouldn’t feel right turning up to a christening empty handed.

I’d think it was fine.

When mine were christened, they got a stack of pointless but expensive christening gifts and I don’t even know where they are now.

@ChimChimeny

These types of threads are so frustrating! They've said no gifts but so posters always say they would bring something anyway. Why????

I'm a Maverick who lives outside of the law. Buying a baby a picture book one day then flying helicopters over crocodile infested waters that I've built out of metal I've found in a tumble down shed the next.

Oh god. My literal autistic self is now cringing. Do people genuinely put that if they want money instead? I always did a charity donation if one was mentioned otherwise took it seriously.

@TomDaleysCardigan

Oh god. My literal autistic self is now cringing. Do people genuinely put that if they want money instead? I always did a charity donation if one was mentioned otherwise took it seriously.

Fwiw, I'm not autistic and I wouldn't have thought it meant money either!

Nooooo dont do that - not unless they are likely to keep it forever - ruins its potential for selling on via a charity shop if its got "To dear Thomas, love from Aunty Marie and Uncle Bob" scrawled in it.

That's no way to live though.

It's like choosing paint colours or kitchen tiles that you aren't that keen on in case you want to sell the house in the future.

I think it’s fine, I wouldn’t assume you wanted money instead. I’ve been at something like this and I made a donation to charity.

It's absolutely fine.

In the real world, "no gifts" means exactly that, but on MN (as evidenced by some of the replies above) some people just have to take a gift regardless of what has been specified.

Why, why, why do people do this???? "We don't want any gifts" - ooh, I know, I'll just get a lovely book/bottle of champagne/voucher. NO. Those are still gifts. It doesn't make you look thoughtful and generous, it just makes you look rude.

If they said no gifts, then don't give a gift. To me, money is still a gift so I wouldn't give that either. Take them at their word.

If you really don't want anything then I'd choose a charity and say that you don't want any gifts but if guests want to give something, they can donate to X. I also wouldn't assume that no gifts meant they wanted money!

@TomDaleysCardigan

Oh god. My literal autistic self is now cringing. Do people genuinely put that if they want money instead? I always did a charity donation if one was mentioned otherwise took it seriously.

I didn’t know this either. I’ve seen plenty of people specify money at weddings so I always take it that if people want money they will say money.

Also I agree with the PP who is finding this frustrating. They’ve said they don’t want presents presumably because they KNOW that it’s tradition to get presents and they specifically DON’T WANT that.

If I wrote no gifts, I'd mean that I was just wanting you to come and enjoy our hospitality. Events generally mean an outlay in clothes/travel/gifts etc and I wouldn't want that for my guests.

OP that means money/ gift voucher

It's a pain in the arse, because it's rather rude to turn up empty handed.

Back in the real world, people do not turn up empty handed - for a diner party, a barbecue, a birthday party let alone a Christening or a wedding.
Thinking about it, even on MN people agree it's rude to turn up empty handed for diner.

So much easier, and more polite, not to mention gifts at all - then when people ask, you can direct them to vouchers or something generic.

I would either take it at face value and bring nothing, or ring up and ask what they wanted me to do about it: really nothing, or some money for the child's savings account?

If I didn't know them well enough to ring up, why would I be going to their child's christening...

I don't think it's presumptuous. It's customary to bring a gift to a christening. What they are probably trying to avoid is a situation my parents had where they have a box full of silver rattles, napkin rings and baby bracelets that they don't really want, but don't feel they can get rid of. If you want to give a gift, I'd give a book and donate to the family's church on behalf of the child.

@ChimChimeny

These types of threads are so frustrating! They've said no gifts but so posters always say they would bring something anyway. Why????

because if you do turn up with no gift, chances are the host will then bitch how rude it was not to bring something

To me, cash is a gift, so I’d happily turn up with just my delightful self. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say “no gifts”.

@ChimChimeny

These types of threads are so frustrating! They've said no gifts but so posters always say they would bring something anyway. Why????

Honestly because it just feels wrong to go to an event empty handed.

To be fair, I have been under the impression all my life that the godparents each gave a present to the child, and the motley crew who are among those present have no obligation to do so.

Were my dear brats horribly short-changed? They didn't get showered in Stuff by the people who came to watch them getting dunked.

@Confusedtraveler

It's a pain in the arse, because it's rather rude to turn up empty handed.

Back in the real world, people do not turn up empty handed - for a diner party, a barbecue, a birthday party let alone a Christening or a wedding.
Thinking about it, even on MN people agree it's rude to turn up empty handed for diner.

So much easier, and more polite, not to mention gifts at all - then when people ask, you can direct them to vouchers or something generic.

Is it still rude when the host has specifically requested that you turn up empty handed though?

And surely the issue is that most people don’t ask (so you can direct them to vouchers) they just buy stuff that you often don’t want or need?

Surely this has removed any awkwardness because it is expected that you give a gift at a Christening so they are removing that expectation.

Because it’s unspeakably rude to turn up empty handed. Do you turn up to dinner at someone’s house empty handed? You take wine and chocolates.