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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“No gifts please”

146 replies

ViaRia · 14/02/2022 17:50

If you were invited to a family celebration - a full-on catered do at a venue such as a big birthday, christening reception or anniversary - and the invitation included the line “no gifts please” what would you think / how would you respond.

It’s a christening… in case your dying to know.

Is it presumptuous to write that (like they are assuming gifts would otherwise be bought), is it rude to mention gifts at all, is it annoying because you don’t want to show up empty handed and now it’s all awkward…?

Or is it perfect, because you’re already having to pay to travel and it means you can avoid the hassle of finding a gift?

Thanks in advance :)

OP posts:
TenoringBehind · 14/02/2022 18:19

I would think it meant just bring yourself - no gift, money, voucher, charity donation wanted.

Sharrowgirl · 14/02/2022 18:19

I think I’d word a bit less abruptly.

‘Please don’t bring a gift for X, we only want the pleasure of your company’ or something along those lines.

Spectre8 · 14/02/2022 18:19

No gifts means no gifts. Whats so hard to understand? Respect their wishes and just turn up and enjoy the day

Esspee · 14/02/2022 18:22

I don’t understand. If I say no gifts please that’s exactly what I mean. They want your company. Be pleased.

Maiyakat · 14/02/2022 18:23

For DD's dedication I said no gifts but if people did want to give they could make a donation to a particular charity that had helped us (worded it better than that!)

TildaRae · 14/02/2022 18:23

I never know the etiquette with this type of thing! If it said no gifts I’d think they were just being polite or wanted cash. Then I’d fret about whether to get them anything, in case everyone else still did and I’d be the only one there empty handed! It would play on my mind what to do.

Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 18:27

@Spectre8

No gifts means no gifts. Whats so hard to understand? Respect their wishes and just turn up and enjoy the day
but it does not... it means cash, or no tat, it's just a weird attention seeking way to phrase things.
spacehardware · 14/02/2022 18:29

Someone has probably said this already, but they don't want christening tat. I sympathise, I still have a box of it - no idea what to do with it, seems heartless to charity shop it.

grapewine · 14/02/2022 18:29

I'd assume they wanted money instead. But I'd ignore that, if I went. Just turn up if you want to go.

Topseyt · 14/02/2022 18:31

I'd think it was perfect and would take them at their word.

I don't see why people think it means give money instead. Money is a gift in that scenario and they have clearly stated no gifts. So I would take nothing.

I don't think it is rude at all to respect the host's request.

Thewindwhispers · 14/02/2022 18:33

I’d feel weird about it. The gift is to the child, not the parents. When I give my nephews christening presents, I choose things that would last 20+ yrs that they could use as adults. It was nice to feel that they had some belongings of their own now.

I’d feel it wasn’t for the parents to tell me not to gift something to a new child… And it does sound like a hint for cash.

🤷‍♀️

User754355 · 14/02/2022 18:33

@Spectre8

No gifts means no gifts. Whats so hard to understand? Respect their wishes and just turn up and enjoy the day

It's hard to understand because in some cases people are indeed asking guests to bring nothing at all, but some people, say this because they want money.

I think it's you that is finding it 'hard to understand'.

It can mean "don't buy anything for the baby that's getting christened. Give us some cash."

yoyo1234 · 14/02/2022 18:34

I think this is a difficult one. For a generic birthday etc I would be so happy for DC not to receive gifts Grin. For a one off eg Christening I still look at my Christening Gifts fondly and my older DCs gifts as well. In fact they mean more than my wedding gifts probably. Christening Gifts (like first birthday gifts) are frequently not expensive but sentimental (a nice book with a dedication or a cuddly toy) . I'm not sure I would want to take that away from the child or the giver.

Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 18:34

Realistically, WHO do you invite to a christening?

Close family and friends, godparents - people for whom christening is important and mean something, and are likely to want to give a special something to the baby (or the parents).
how hard is it to tell them, instead of the ridiculous "no gift".

Vague relations, or neighbours, who will find it very rude and uncomfortable to be empty-handed and will waste too much trying to figure out what exactly is "no gift" - money? vouchers? charity donation will bring outraged and miffed comments on MN...

Thesearmsofmine · 14/02/2022 18:36

It’s would understand and respect your wishes. We did this for our wedding. We lived in a small flat at the time and didn’t have space for gifts and no real need of anything. We still got a few gifts and a few people gave us cash/vouchers but most people were happy enough.

RishiRich · 14/02/2022 18:39

DH and I put this on our wedding invitations because we already lived together and had everything we needed. Some people took it at face value, some got us a present anyway, some gave cash. One Irish couple wrote in the card that they were intentionally ignoring our wishes Grin We were very happy that everyone felt able to do their own thing but we really did mean we didn't want anything!

bonetiredwithtwins · 14/02/2022 18:41

I think it's fine for christenings - there aren't really loads of baby gifts for a christening so I've known close family members get several money boxes several baptism certificate holders etc - more than they could ever use or need or want

Confusedtraveler · 14/02/2022 18:41

If you REALLY want nothing, not even something your child would have liked to have when they are older, just ask for a donation to the church where the christening is organised - at least it's clear you are not a CF, genuinely want nothing, and the church benefits. Win win.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 14/02/2022 18:41

I genuinely don’t understand why you would have a big christening party if that’s your view.

Close family and godparents in Church for ceremony then home for refreshments.

Suitable christening gifts received gracefully.

Topseyt · 14/02/2022 18:41

@Spectre8

No gifts means no gifts. Whats so hard to understand? Respect their wishes and just turn up and enjoy the day
I agree. I don't think it means give them money instead. If they want money then they would need to specify that, and THAT would be rude.

So no gifts means just that - no gifts. Nothing. So go empty handed. Perfectly fine.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 14/02/2022 18:43

I think a softer message would be better received, more like suggested up thread.

Penvelopey · 14/02/2022 18:45

@Thewindwhispers

I’d feel weird about it. The gift is to the child, not the parents. When I give my nephews christening presents, I choose things that would last 20+ yrs that they could use as adults. It was nice to feel that they had some belongings of their own now.

I’d feel it wasn’t for the parents to tell me not to gift something to a new child… And it does sound like a hint for cash.

🤷‍♀️

That's what I don't like about it. It's not for the parents to say no gifts. The gifts are for the child.
PurpleDaisies · 14/02/2022 18:46

Honestly because it just feels wrong to go to an event empty handed.

Even though you have specifically been told to turn up empty handed?
I don’t get it,

chipshopElvis · 14/02/2022 18:46

We did it but also had a collection for a baby related charity if people did want to contribute something. Still got a few presents though!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 14/02/2022 18:47

I think I’d write something like “Please, no gifts or gifts of money, your presence with us on our child’s special day is all we need.”