7 coming to stay! Invited themselves ! To very elderly relatives !

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

So some younger relatives contacted my mum to announce that they were coming to stay with my parents. 7 of them including 2 children. To celebrate her 90th birthday! For 10 days!

She will have to get food in , contemplating a caravan in the garden, (because their quite large house is not really big enough for 7 extra) and do all sorts of stuff in preparation and whilst they are there. My parents go to bed relatively early these days , so their sleeping habits no doubt will be disturbed. When I heard , I suggested I would look at alternative accommodation Air B&B etc . Trouble is they live in a very rural area away from public transport but I did find one possibility.

Then another bomb shell . They are not intending to hire a car because they don’t like British roads . ( not from uk) . So the property I found is unsuitable as it’s a few miles away with no public transport links.

My parents now have 2 unreliable cars hardly go anywhere now and been shielding for the last 2 years anyhow because mum is CEV . (Explaining unreliable cars but that is another thread in itself) . So these relatives expect to be driven everywhere and collected from the airport too. And the 2 children are young enough to need car seats I think ( youngest at least , not sure of height of older one) .

It’s utter madness! Mum feels compelled to say yes because over the years they have stayed with that family though not them personally.

I think she should be saying no! Dad says “ they will muddle through” .

AIBU to somehow step in without it causing WW3 in the family?

100% agree with everyone's comments.
Plus - you are right - 'they just want a free holiday'!
This is one of the most selfish situations l have ever heard of!!!
Please make it very clear to them that your parents couldn't cope with 2 visitors, let alone 7!!
Good luck!

Sorry OP, I've somehow made up she's your granny when she's really your mum.

The suggestion of a B&B plus hire car then meet in day would be much better

It is, yes, but if they really are just hoping for a free holiday I doubt it'll go down well

However that can't be helped ... let's just hope they haven't booked and paid for the flights

Well done OP.

Your concern here is your parents.

Not a bunch of cheapskate users with a tenuous genetic link that want a free holiday.

Continue to be blunt.
It's not happening.

The type of people that do this will not give a damn about the inconvenience they cause to two elderly people they could care less about.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

2 days ago they hadn’t booked. I hope that is still the case. Tough on them if they have booked . But I could always give them the air B snd B details .

I'd honesry just tell them it's not happening. They need to get a hotel what cheeky fuckers.

BoredZelda

The clue has always been in the name 😉

What an astounding level of CF-ery!

They might claim to have booked the flights, prepare for that.

Stand firm! Be blunt!

2 days ago they hadn’t booked. I hope that is still the case

So do I !!

That's a crazy level of cheekiness given your parents age!

@ChickenStripper, actually in my experience of living in the USA and a limited knowledge of Canada, I would say most are less likely to be pushy as long as they understand the situation. However, OP's distant rellies sound like they have no understanding of the reality of the OP's parents' frailty. Thoughtless? absolutely. Stupid? quite possibly. CF? almost certainly, but with the situation explained in detail, they will (I expect) take the refusal to entertain seven people for a week and drive them around, including airport taxi-ing gracefully. They may reconsider the whole trip, as it's not a cheap family visit.

If they do go ahead with a visit and use air b and b, it's rural. So for 7 people, as OP said they wanted to go sightseeing , they would have to hire a people carrier or two cars. If they were planning a cheeky cheap holiday it's not going to plan.

Tell your parents' doctors, emphasize how much work and stress it will be, and get her/him to forbid it. Then you can tell the relatives that "the doctor forbids it".

Well done OP… perhaps they’ll suggest you host them instead!

Tell them No. You as the daughter sometimes have to "protect" your parents so they can save face. For my parents 60th wedding anniversary, I had to tell my brother and his family that they would have to stay in a hotel not my parents house which didn't go down well, but had to be said. Why should your parents be put out for a big birthday when the nieces should have thought more about arrangements. Very selfish to expect to stay with your parents and someone has to tell them.

My parents now have 2 unreliable cars hardly go anywhere now and been shielding for the last 2 years anyhow because mum is CEV.

Hell to the no! How dare they. No, no, and no.

Phone them or email them and explain that they haven’t been invited and visitors are too much for your parents to host.

They sound like freeloaders.

If they’re American then being direct is the right tack (I have many American relatives, they don’t need the message dressed up in overly flowery British politeness, that’s what leads to them thinking there’s wiggle room). Hopefully they’ve understood there’s no negotiation to be done here and will come up with a new plan!
I think it’s unlikely to cause WWIII, sounds like they’re just being thoughtless.

It isn't a red herring, it's just a difference in how people operate. And regardless of what is said, someone who has been on this planet for 90 years should be quite capable of saying no.

And someone who has been on the planet for probably at least half that length of time, should surely have worked out how to be understanding to a distressed OP who is trying to protect their elderly CEV parents, from both stress and infection, during a pandemic you seem to prefer to pretend is completely over.

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

Actually I think they just want a free holiday!

Totally agree, the age of your parents is irrelevant, it would be incredibly rude at any age, their being in their 90s is just an extra reason they can't stay! I've had people saying they were coming to stay here, as though they were conferring some great honour, a bit like Henry 8th's massive entourage landing in your castle and bankrupting you!

[quote 2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]@Puzzledandpissedoff

2 days ago they hadn’t booked. I hope that is still the case. Tough on them if they have booked . But I could always give them the air B snd B details .[/quote]
OP,

Please do not give suggestions or alternatives as you will quickly find yourself as travel agent and go to fixer for their holiday travails.

Don't go there.

Why should you?

@LookingAtTheSea

Tell your parents' doctors, emphasize how much work and stress it will be, and get her/him to forbid it. Then you can tell the relatives that "the doctor forbids it".

Yes because GPs have lots of spare time at the moment……

@Ellowyn

OMG, where've you been for the past 2 years that you don't know what CEV means

Are you on one of those remote islands that has escaped the pandemic?

Why so fucking rude? I live in the United States, in an area where we didn't have the lockdowns and the term CEV wasn't used. Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone in the world lives in the UK?

Utterly rude! I'm in the UK and I know what it means medically but I wouldn't be able to give the three words! MN is the home of acronyms etc, yes, I'm sure this particular one isn't exclusive to MN, it seems to be giving the military a run for their money!

@Peaseblossum22

Interesting because my US relatives will not drive here either and spend a lot of time talking about how scary the driving is here, too fast, roundabouts, stick shift etc

I've been told that by a lot of Americans too.