DMum constantly asking me if I know people I obviously do know...

[Lockheart]

[Light-hearted]

I will caveat this by saying that I do love my mother dearly but she drives me round the absolute bend with this. Any time we talk:

Her: "I was chatting to Anne, you know Anne from next door?"

Me (thinking): Yes, I know Anne, I only lived next door to her for 15 years too and she only babysat us many many times.

Mum: "Do you remember Betty, from Closest town?"

Me (thinking): Yes, I know Betty, she's only been your best friend and like a second mother to me for as long as I can remember and I saw her daughter last Tuesday as you well know.

Meeting someone on the street with her: "Oh Lockheart you know Sue from down the road." Yes of course I bloody know her, she's only lived there 20 years and we saw her last fecking week. She came over for coffee! We were both there!!.

Mum: "Did you know Cathy has a new car? You know, Cathy your cousin?" YES I KNOW WHO MY FUCKING COUSIN IS FOR CHRISTS SAKE

The above examples have unique names in our social circles. We don't know a million people all called Linda, for example, where differentiation might be justified That I could understand.

Just why?? I'm honestly awaiting the phone call which goes "Hello love, it's your mother, you know, the one who birthed and raised you".

My only theory is that either she has the memory of a goldfish or she thinks that I do

Please tell me other people's mother's do this and it's not a torture she's dreamed up just got me?

Not my mother, but my ex-FIL. My ex and I went to school with each other from the age of 11 to 18 - our friends were all mutual ones essentially. When collecting our youngest for contact, ex-FIL would attempt to make awkward small talk:

Ex-FIL: "Oh, [ex] went to [friend A]'s wedding last weekend, did you ever meet them when you were together?!"
Me: "Yes. I was also at the wedding. [Friend A] is our son's godfather and even though it was my weekend with the children, we were all there... oh, and I introduced [friend A] to [ex] seeing as I've known [friend A] for my entire life!"

There have been a few times when I have, perhaps rather bluntly, reminded ex-FIL that he, too, has known me since I was 12 years old!!! I'm now 45, and very grateful that my 17-year-old is the youngest and more than capable of sorting out when/if he sees them (he tends not to) because they literally make my brain hurt.

On the other hand, my Dad goes into unnecessary detail about total strangers ("oh, I was talking to Bob and... what's his wife's name... I can't think...") where I end up pointing out that if it's not relevant to the story, and it never is, I don't need to know. My children and I joke (affectionately) about how he can recall what he ate for breakfast on May 14th, 1964... but that's about it (I'm his only daughter, and he can never recall my name, birthday, age, likes, and/or dislikes... it is, what it is).

My DM used to do the opposite..."I was chatting to Mart today and she was telling me....." Now DM had lots of Marys in her life, her sister, her next door neighbour, her best friend , her colleague and lots of other acquaintances. Without fail I'd have to stop her and ask her which Mary for context. She always presumed I'd know which one she was talking about, it drove me mad. Not such an issue any more as the Marys have petered out.

I get this. At a certain point, they decided that I did not, in fact, grow up in the house they live in and need telling about the neighbours and the house itself and the local area as if I'm a visitor.

But at least they don't talk about the route I took to get there. No matter how often I answer "Oh, I just follow the sat nav" to ILs, they ask. My husband talked about what route we were going to take the other day, and I pointed out if he was going to start on that behaviour then divorce was imminent.

I get the opposite, many tales about the lives of neighbours, people from the local pub, very distant relatives that I don't know.

'Oh my second cousin twice removed Shirley's daughter is having another baby, and Dave, with the grey hair, from 5 doors down has got a new car. Tina from behind the bar has started her own business selling scentsy stuff, isn't that great?' ()

I don't care! I don't know these people!! And stop buying bloody wax melts and perpetuating the MLM problem!

She has accepted that you are an adult who may have other people by similar names in your life. She may also be used to explaining who people are to others who don't have shared experiences with her. I have an elderly Aunt who does this because she's a social butterfly who is out and about with various groups and is fortunate enough to live between two families of very considerate neighbours

@Lockheart - is she possibly making sure you know which Anne/Betty/Sue/Cathy she’s referring to? Ie. Cathy your cousin, not Cathy her friend from the book club or Cathy who used to be her boss?

Though even if that is what she’s doing, I can understand why it’s so frustrating, when it happens every time!

Definitely not just you OP!

I get this all the time.
The most recent one, I think I put a stop to it. I had gone to primary school with a girl, grew up on same road but was a little older.
A few years ago she started a small business, which locally you would see her work out and about. So inevitably I heard all about that, and where she was living now, etc.
Recently my Mum started a bat shit conversation about her, that she had broken up with her partner and was now going off the rails a little bit, second hand news from her friend kind of thing.
I just asked ‘Oh dear, when was the last time you saw her Mum?’
Mum had to admit she hadn’t met her in over 30 years (since I left school).
I don’t understand why people get so involved in peoples lives who they don’t actually know. Gives me the creeps thinking some busy body knows about ongoings in my life just cus most of women where I’m from are terrible gossips!!!!

God bless all those mums. It's lovely to look back on those little 'absurdities', even if it was frustrating at the time. With my mum (she died a year ago) it was the inability to give a concise answer to a simple question.

Example:

"Mum, what did the doctor tell you today?"

"Well, it was very interesting, let me tell you. I got up this morning at 7, it was such a beautiful morning. I went to the cupboard and realized I was out of cereal! So I had to have toast. Did you see XX on the Today show?"

"Mum, ok, but what did the doctor say?"

"I'm telling you what he said! Anyway, after my walk I decided to wear my blue dress to the doctor's. But I had to wash it and I noticed there was a little rip along the seam. So I....."

"Mum! The doctor!"

"Heavens! No need to be so short with me! I decided to have lunch before I went but the tuna had gone off so I had........"

And on and on and on, only after I had a full recounting of all events leading up to the doctor's appointment would I finally hear "And he said it was just another age spot, nothing to worry about" or "He thinks it might be serious and wants to do more tests".

God, I loved that woman. Mum was a joy and an adventure. I miss her so much.

My mum does this but usually with people I don't know. She will try and persuade me for ages that I did know them and then tell me they've died. So now when she asked do I remember susan from 20 years ago I just ask why? Has she died?

MiL does this. "My aunt in Hong Kong said x". Just call her Jill, MiL. I have been hearing tales of Jill since 2003.

Yes! oP my mum does exactly this and it drives me potty. I think it’s because she can’t quite remember who of her friends/neighbours I knew well/spent lots of time with growing up, and doesn’t want to assume I will know who they are. So I try to hide my irritation as sadly I think she just can’t remember.

DH and I have just come back from a night away. My parents kindly agreed to look after our two children. We are extremely grateful.

However, since I put my foot over the threshold to my house my mother has not stopped talking at me to tell me, in minute detail, Every, Single, Thing, our children have said, done and thought since we left less than 24 hours ago.

The children slept for 12 hours and they haven’t left the house so you can imagine it’s not really scintillating stuff.

I have to just nod and make appropriate cooing noises because I love her dearly, but variations on the same story of how my child ate a cheese string, on repeat for the last three hours are making slightly frazzled 😂

@Averydifferentwoman

I think we all have the same mother!

And in a few years it will be you! I think that the construction Do you know.......... is often used not implying that you may not know the person, it's simply the way people speak and it's not a fraction as annoying as those who start every sentence So........ !

But at least they don't talk about the route I took to get there. No matter how often I answer "Oh, I just follow the sat nav" to ILs, they ask.

Yes! Did I come on the A19? I don't know. I wouldn't know the A19 if it bit me. Give me a landmark or a village!

I think we need to have the same patience with our old mums as they did with us when we were toddlers.

Looking to the right in Trending, So my DH just did this, what does 'So' add to the sentence?

My Mother rings me and the first thing she says is "hello it's me, Mam". Considering her name comes up on my phone and I know her voice that isn't enough.

I used to get this from my nan, but also now from one of my neighbours which does make me laugh. She's great for all the neighbourhood gossip but she'll stop me on my way past and then I get the whole "you know Sid? The one with the limp? Used to live next door to Mark. Mark who went out with Barbara? You know, Barbara, lived at No 25 until she cheated on him with Don? Don, the guy who drove the orange car"

I know about 6 people in my area, all of whom are neighbours so they are just Sally at 11 or whatever.

It's quite sweet though, but annoying when I am in a rush. I do try to say yeah I know him to get her to hurry but often that results in a tangent. 😁

Now I'm getting older,my dad doesn't remember as much from the past as I do, and my sister's long term memory isn't as good (or as random) so I do find often I'll say something like "remember that hotel, we went there before we drove to France the year the guy from Allo Allo got hit by a plank. The hotel used to serve amazing breakfasts but was in the same city as we lived...." I'm able to describe what I remember but often have forgotten the name,so do a massive description then someone will say "oh that was the Dragonara" Me "yeah, that was it. I loved that place." End of conversation. Maybe I am turning into my nan!!

My Grampa just does the 'say everyone's name, except the person you're trying to talk to', so if he wants to ask my sister something, she gets called by the names of every grandchild, every child, even some partners and pets, before he gets to hers.

@BulletTrain

But at least they don't talk about the route I took to get there. No matter how often I answer "Oh, I just follow the sat nav" to ILs, they ask.

Yes! Did I come on the A19? I don't know. I wouldn't know the A19 if it bit me. Give me a landmark or a village!

Maybe when one's older one isn't a slave to satnav and become capable of thinking for oneself! Satnav doesn't always send you the best route for you, driving across from Wales to East Anglia the satnav insists that I need to go down the M6!

My dear mum who has sadly now passed away was a blinder for the "you know X" usually a random person from 20+ years ago. She had a memory for people like no one I know. I however can barely remember someone I met last week. Maybe I need your mum to be my PA, Op!

I'd be tempted to say, nonchalantly, 'no, who's that?' every time, and see how long it takes her to catch on.
I wonder if your lovely mum would find it infuriating or would she just continue, oblivious, and enjoy getting to explain to you who your cousin, ndn, etc. is...

@endofagain

I think we need to have the same patience with our old mums as they did with us when we were toddlers.

Shes not old. She's not even retired!

Yep my mums the complete opposite! She will talk to me about her pals like I know them! She will also do this with checkout people.

Oh and also "do you remember when we came here when you were 3?" ... no

@disconnected101

I'd be tempted to say, nonchalantly, 'no, who's that?' every time, and see how long it takes her to catch on. I wonder if your lovely mum would find it infuriating or would she just continue, oblivious, and enjoy getting to explain to you who your cousin, ndn, etc. is...

It's tempting but I think that would encourage her

Some of these stories have made me smile.
My mum will say "Have I told you about so and so and what has happened to them"
I'll reply and say "Yes, you told me about that (incredibly long story) yesterday"
She will then go on to repeat the whole story all over again, even though I'd just told her I'd heard it the day before!