Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

338 replies

Stressedout65 · 12/02/2022 21:32

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 13/02/2022 11:46

No. But it depends on the person.

lucylucyapplejuicy · 13/02/2022 11:58

I don't think so, but I knew I wanted children in my 20s and not 30s. I wouldn't say it held me back but I'm not much of a party animal

BellatrixOnABadDay · 13/02/2022 12:00

It's not a snide argument, to suggest their is a degree of middle class mumsnet privilege on threads like these. Lots of people, for all kinds of reasons, cannot go travelling, cannot ever afford to buy a home.

It's actually more snide to suggest that someone choosing to have children in their mid 20's (shock horror!) must have a limited outlook in life, and not particularly intelligent/educated. I chose not to go to university myself, although I could have if I wanted to. I was really good at English and History, and got A*s and A's at GCSE and A-level. I was just bored out of my brain of reading books, not for the enjoyment but to have to analyse every single paragraph 🥱 and all of the essays, I was desperate for a change. So I got a job, which has led me to my current job, where I earn the same good money as all the academics with PHD's, most of whom are a similar age to me, who surround me. We chose different routes; it doesn't make them more intelligent. They chose to stay in education longer, which is a perfectly good choice, as was mine. I'm an intelligent person who is still interested in history and literature, art and nature, and anything creative, and I hope to give my children the opportunities to do anything they want to and are interested in themselves.

BearOfEasttown · 13/02/2022 12:06

Well it's all subjective, but IMO, it is too young yes.

I would not have wanted this for my 2 DC (now mid to late 20s.) They are both engaged right now and living with their partner(s.)

I don't think there's any need to settle down and have babies at 24. Then again, it's worse (IMO) to wait til your 40s before 'trying for a baby...'

BearOfEasttown · 13/02/2022 12:10

@BellatrixOnABadDay

It's actually more snide to suggest that someone choosing to have children in their mid 20's (shock horror!) must have a limited outlook in life, and not particularly intelligent/educated. I chose not to go to university myself, although I could have if I wanted to.

I agree with this. It doesn't mean someone lacks intelligence and is badly educated because they get married at 22-23 or younger and have a baby by 24. But I just don't understand why anyone would, as it seems very young to be 'tied down.' And yes, you are tied for some 2 decades to that child, and the commitment that goes with it. AND you are tied to that man. That is a BIG commitment when you are so young IMO. You change SO much as a person between 20 and 30...

sadandcrazy · 13/02/2022 12:11

I think they say after 28 fertility starts to rapidly decline. I think 16 to 26 is peak time to conceive

Averydifferentwoman · 13/02/2022 12:12

You change between 30 and 40, too. I also imagine I’ll change between 40 and 50. I don’t really see that as a reason not to have a child.

IsItTooHotInHere · 13/02/2022 12:19

I had my 1st son at 22, 2nd son at 24 - both planned, both with my husband.

With hindsight, I was too young, but now I'm 62, sons 40 and 38. Mortgage paid off years ago, so it worked out well for us

MaterialWorld · 13/02/2022 12:21

I did it and don't regret it one bit. Needed all the energy to parent the way I wanted to and now I'm older I'm loving the independence I'm getting back. DH and I will travel as a couple once the youngest reaches 18 in a few years and we have the benefit of being able to do it with a bit more cash than a shoe string budget we had when we were in our early 20's.

It's not stopped us doing anything but has definitely slowed the pace of our careers down a bit. Still would do it that way round again though if we had our time again.

BearOfEasttown · 13/02/2022 12:21

@Averydifferentwoman

You change between 30 and 40, too. I also imagine I’ll change between 40 and 50. I don’t really see that as a reason not to have a child.
But between THOSE ages, you are not really young.

Having a baby in your early to mid 20s is not something I would ever have wanted for my children OR myself. It's too young IMO.

The OP asked for peoples opinions. And that is mine.

BearOfEasttown · 13/02/2022 12:23

@sadandcrazy

I think they say after 28 fertility starts to rapidly decline. I think 16 to 26 is peak time to conceive
Pretty sure your fertility doesn't fall off a cliff at 28! Hmm

I had mine at 31 and 33, and conceived both times within a few weeks of coming off the pill. Both smooth pregnancies, and problem-free deliveries.

BellatrixOnABadDay · 13/02/2022 12:25

I get what you're saying too @BearOfEasttown, but for me, I never felt it as being 'tied down'. I genuinely didn't feel 'tied down' as such, and I personally didn't find looking after babies/toddlers that difficult. I loved it, I didn't get overly tired with sleepless nights, I will also say I was fortunate because I recovered quickly from my ELCS both times, I didn't have postnatal depression etc. It must be so tough after a difficult birth or with PND etc. the most difficult thing I had as babies was my second child had a bad tongue tie that didn't completely go but I still managed to BF.

Having babies/children is easy to me compared to dealing with my awful ex- agree with you on the tie to the man! But I couldn't have anticipated this, it's life and I deal with it. Could have happened with someone I had a child with at 34 or 44 indeed.

Averydifferentwoman · 13/02/2022 12:29

I spent many years not being tied down - no one gave a shit about me Grin which perhaps sounds harsh but it was true. I could have vanished and it wouldn’t have been noteworthy news.

Another way to look at being tied down is that you simply have people you love and who love you.

BearOfEasttown · 13/02/2022 12:37

I get you @BellatrixOnABadDay but I just think that taking on such a huge life commitment (as having a baby) at such a young age would not have been for me. As much as I love my kids and don't regret having them, it IS a massive commitment and completely changes your life. I would not change a thing if I could back to 30 years old, but I can't deny it's been hard work sometimes - AND your finances take a massive hit - for around 18 to 20 years!

I could never have imagined doing it in my early 20s/just out of my teens, and am glad I left it to my early 30s. Each to their own...

BearOfEasttown · 13/02/2022 12:38

@Averydifferentwoman

I spent many years not being tied down - no one gave a shit about me Grin which perhaps sounds harsh but it was true. I could have vanished and it wouldn’t have been noteworthy news.

Another way to look at being tied down is that you simply have people you love and who love you.

Flowers
roastedsaltedpeanut · 13/02/2022 12:47

Had my first baby at 23 and second at 25. Unplanned. Didn’t enjoy being pregnant the first time round but absolutely love being a mum from day 1. The kids bring unimaginable amount of joy and purpose to my life. I feel that I am a better person because of them.

Research on how you want to bring them up, there are several main schools of thoughts. I chose breastfeeding, co sleeping and Whole Brain Child method, which are haaaaard at times and requires tremendous input and self restraint/self reflection from the parents. But I feel that my effort is starting to pay off. I love my kids just like any other mother, but I also LIKE them as individuals and enjoying spending time with them.

Whatdramain2022 · 13/02/2022 12:49

I was 24. I think it was the perfect age. I was mature, despite some PPs thinking that 24 year olds aren't. I had loads of energy for DD. She was a bad sleeper, but I shrugged off all the broken nights. I loved having a baby at that age.

I had another in my late 30s. Totally different. Broken nights, even though she was a reasonably good sleeper, left me exhausted.

Pregnancy and birth were so much easier at 24. Having a child and being responsible for another person matures you. Partying doesn't.

You are already at least ten years into your fertile years and your body and mind is more than ready.

qualitygirl · 13/02/2022 12:54

Good god yes!! Plenty of stuff to do before tying yourself down...

BellatrixOnABadDay · 13/02/2022 12:56

@BearOfEasttown

I get you *@BellatrixOnABadDay* but I just think that taking on such a huge life commitment (as having a baby) at such a young age would not have been for me. As much as I love my kids and don't regret having them, it IS a massive commitment and completely changes your life. I would not change a thing if I could back to 30 years old, but I can't deny it's been hard work sometimes - AND your finances take a massive hit - for around 18 to 20 years!

I could never have imagined doing it in my early 20s/just out of my teens, and am glad I left it to my early 30s. Each to their own...

Agree there with the massively changing your life obviously 😁 I remember thinking 'oh god!' when we got home from hospital. I was definitely a bit shaky/going through the baby blues in the first few days, then had a lovely lovely community midwife visit, who told me everyone feels like that, and from then on I just settled down to it.

I can totally see why it wouldn't be for everyone in their 20s- I don't think it's comparable with having a baby in your teens though and don't think it should be considered similar in any way. Although I'm a firm believer in trying to make the best out of any situation in life and I don't think a baby at 16 has to be a disaster, even if it's not ideal. Flip the situation on its head, look at the good aspects, put in a lot of effort and it can still be an amazing life, for mum and baby.

I think it comes down to whether a baby is planned or not, and that can be the key to how easy/difficult it is- although obviously not always. I had thought about it and chose very much to have my children when I did. So for me, it was the right thing.

If I had to say an ideal I would say mid twenties to mid thirties is the ideal time for having babies- I'm 33 now and still class myself as young and feel young, and essentially don't think I've changed much since my mid 20s. Aspects of my character have changed because of what I went through with my ex, not particularly my age, I would say.

SirChenjins · 13/02/2022 12:58

Yes - far too much to do and see before babies and settling down at 24

dummyd · 13/02/2022 13:16

@SirChenjins

Yes - far too much to do and see before babies and settling down at 24

Can still be done with a kid

ddshocker · 13/02/2022 13:21

@dummyd but usually it's much harder and more expensive with a child in tow and not quite the same I would expect...

SirChenjins · 13/02/2022 13:31

Can still be done with a kid

Not in the same way and not so easily.

Averydifferentwoman · 13/02/2022 13:34

So to be clear, no one under the age of 30 should work full time, have a child, have a pet or commit to anything because, hey, there’s a world out there.

Which is of course absolute childish nonsense.

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/02/2022 13:39

I spent many years not being tied down - no one gave a shit about me grin which perhaps sounds harsh but it was true. I could have vanished and it wouldn’t have been noteworthy news

Another way to look at being tied down is that you simply have people you love and who love you

I could have written this!! So glad I got “tied down” in my early twenties as I was desperately lonely and have had many wonderful years with DH and dc since. It’s not supposed to be a bad thing!