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Original poster

What is your biggest regret in life?

856 replies

Teadrinker11 · 12/02/2022 21:19

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

OP posts:
ExhaustedMumma · 13/02/2022 02:59

I regret not seeking help for PND after my first child. She was much longed for after 6 years of infertility, IVF and multiple miscarriages. I couldn’t admit that I wasn’t happy after all that, and everyone seemed to think I’d be immediately healed after all the past trauma as soon as I had a baby. I wasn’t. DD had colic and on the darkest days I was sure that her misery was a sign of my inability to parent and that I should never have had children. It was all my fault for carrying on trying when the universe had been trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be a mother.

Instead I just cried when alone and erupted in rage often, mainly at DH. He’s a decent man but not very good at being empathetic and it has caused a rift between us that I’m worried won’t heal.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/02/2022 03:00

My biggest regret is not seeing Queen perform live while Freddie Mercury was still alive.

It might not seem like much, but any time I see the concerts on tv etc., or anything about his life, I'm always reminded and kick myself once again.

I could regret marrying an Aussie, but it would be pointless because I wouldn't have my boys if I hadn't, so while I kind of regret having to move to Australia, I don't really regret it as a whole.

Regret helping out an ex boyfriend financially, which led to me losing £4k - he paid me back 1/3 of what he owed me and then just stopped, and I hated the sight of him by then so didn't chase him.

SelkieQualia · 13/02/2022 03:07

Not having a third child. I did try, and then went through premature menopause, so a bit out of my hands, but wish I'd tried just a bit earlier.

Strokethefurrywall · 13/02/2022 03:17

My only regret is not making it back to the UK for my brothers wedding.
He was about to start chemo so he and my SIL decided to get married just after my visit to UK. I was 5 months pregnant and couldn’t afford to go back at the time, having just bee - we all agreed I’d be back for their “proper” wedding the following June.

Alas my brother died the following June so when I went back it was for his funeral not his wedding. The only regret I’ve ever had in my life…

ShippingNews · 13/02/2022 03:19

Marrying my ex and having children with him. I married because I was going through a bad time in life, and he was a good friend to me. I needed some stability so it seemed like a good idea to marry and "settle down". I ended up with him for 24 years and it was such a waste of my life , lost opportunities, bringing up the kids like single mother but also having a useless husband hanging around like a millstone around my neck. Thank heavens I saw sense at the age of 46 and got a divorce.

echt · 13/02/2022 03:32

@Hdhr8jsj

I regret nothing. Never have, what the point? Even the shitty things I've done - like stealing from a neighbours in my teens. I'm sorry and I've moved on.

All my bad decisions have made me who I am today - and I like and am proud of who I am.

This isn't a regret issue - this is about low self esteem.

So others' regrets are yet another fault they have: low self-esteem?

You imply your "sorry" was good enough. Did you say it your neighbours' faces? The ones you stole from?

Heisrotten2thecore · 13/02/2022 03:34

Believing him.

Badbaddog · 13/02/2022 03:41

Being unkind to my mum

ForksAndSpoons · 13/02/2022 03:44

In this order:

2nd abortion
1st abortion
Bf-ing dd

Yes, absolutely, your experiences make you who you are but sometimes what you are is crap.

Pangolin44 · 13/02/2022 04:06

@ForksAndSpoons, don't dislike yourself because you took a pragmatic decision. I feel quite sad that you feel that way. You made those choices for the right reason at the time.

I'm absolutely sure it was the right thing.

You're not crap. You're human. And humans have the ability to do things.

I'm glad you had the choice.

You are NOT CRAP.

Rosieposie101 · 13/02/2022 04:25

You're 26! I'm about 5 years older than you and I still feel so young! Time is never wasted, everything you regret has been a valuable lesson to you, hopefully you won't make the same mistakes again! I also think that life is a constant journey and journeys will be fill of ups and downs.

Anniegetyourgun76 · 13/02/2022 04:52

At 26 you haven't lost any years and it's unlikely you've lived your biggest regret yet, don't stress xx

loislovesstewie · 13/02/2022 05:17

Not having more children;we had two, and I would have loved more. My brother is the dad of eight, and truly I wouldn't have minded having about half that number.

shivawn · 13/02/2022 05:18

it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives.

This sounds an awful lot like me. I don't regret it though, it just took me longer to figure out what I wanted to do. I'm now 34 and very happy in where I'm at so I wouldn't change a thing because it all led me here.

HeyArnoldHey · 13/02/2022 05:23

I say I regret things but then if they didn't happen, it might have butterfly affected where I am now and I love my life and who I am as a person at the moment Smile

Oneortwo2022 · 13/02/2022 05:41

I regret not seeking help with my mental health during my first year of uni. I was devastated that my childhood has been so miserable and knew deep down that my course (law) wasn’t right for me. Instead I struggled on, failed some subjects, took a break and then went back to it before eventually dropping out at 23.

I was very bright academically but retrained as a nurse in my mid twenties. Nursing is hard work, unsociable hours which make you sick, poor pay and little respect. But by then I was terrified to take any risks.

HarlanPepper · 13/02/2022 05:44

Before my dad died, my biggest regret was squandering four years at a good university, doing the bare minimum of work necessary to get my 2:1. I can barely remember anything about my subject now, in my mid 40s. I did walk away with a degree at least but the opportunity was otherwise wasted on me.

Now I would say: not spending more time with my dad. He died at Christmas last year. He could be a difficult sod at times (quite a lot of the time), but as I got older I came to understand why he was the way he was, and I made peace with the stuff that happened in my childhood. I never stopped loving him and I think he knew that, which is something. And he didn't die alone, which had always been my fear, because he lived alone and didn't really look after himself. There are things to be thankful for, but overall I can't shake this huge sense of absolute and total loss.

StarlightLady · 13/02/2022 05:56

Not being aware of my own bisexuality until l was around 30.

Hairbrush123 · 13/02/2022 05:58

I’m a bit younger than you and I have zero regrets. Yes there are things I wish I did differently looking back on it however at the time, that’s what I wanted and I can’t change that. I’ve just learned to accept it.

however I wish I didn’t give up learning to drive for 6+ months every time I failed my driving test

easyluckyfree · 13/02/2022 06:04

I’m 27 and I have no regrets. There’s things I wish had turned out differently- I wish my last relationship had been the right one, I wish my best friend would reciprocate my feelings for him - but they’ve gone the way they’ve gone and there’s nothing I can do.

I love this quote from a poem by Raymond carver - “would I live my life over again? Make the same unforgivable mistakes? Yes, given half the chance. Yes.”

Chasingaftermidnight · 13/02/2022 06:23

Since I had children I try not to have regrets because even the tiniest change would mean I wouldn’t have those children. But…

I really regret not loving myself and allowing other people (especially my domineering, controlling father) to tell me who I was. That led me to make a lot of mistakes in life.

I regret not pursuing a career that could be done part time. My career is very all-or-nothing.

I regret not looking after myself better. Things like a healthy diet and wearing SPF. I just wasn’t taught how and I’m paying for it now.

Vampirethriller · 13/02/2022 06:28

Not getting away from the man who pimped me out the first time I had the chance.
Drugs. Got into hard drugs when I was homeless when I did get away from him, and lost years of my life.
Not taking anti depressants until I was 30. A huge amount of my life would have been very different if I had been medicated from about 18.

Tryingforever · 13/02/2022 06:33

This thread is heartbreaking, we’re all our worst enemy and so hard on ourselves it’s unreal. I genuinely admire most of you for your ‘regrets’.

My regrets; having my daughter with an abusive man, I made her safe from 2 years old with my now beautiful and amazing husband and our children together, he’s still trying to get us only through the court system now, they’ve deemed him too dangerous for contact (for now, unless he accesses a DA course) however I have to make her write an email to him every 3 months to ‘legally keep contact’ otherwise I’ll go to prison. I live with what feels like a brick in my tummy every second of the day and night waiting for him to get her like he said he would and kill me like he said he would, it’s a horrible way to live.

We have to live under the radar, no social media, moved miles away so we’re close to a police station, and live with cctv all over my home to somewhat pacify my anxiety.

I also wish I’d have had lots of promiscuous sex and not stayed with my ex husband and joined the band that asked me to sing for them that went on to support The Who and move to LA. Now I’m an overweight married mum of 3 living under a rock in fear daily.

TheCurrywurstPrion · 13/02/2022 06:37

Not leaving my ex-husband as soon as I began to realise he was a dick.

And related: stopping investing into my pension plan after having children and relying on his joint pension to cover my needs.

happinessischocolate · 13/02/2022 06:45

I regret choosing a twat to have children with.

Choose a man who will do anything for you, and for other people. He's then more likely to contribute towards raising your children, than the selfish wanker I chose.