Page 10 | What is your biggest regret in life?

ConfusedbyCovid · 13/02/2022 06:45

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speakout · 13/02/2022 06:58

I don't have regrets because I have compassion for my current and past self..
Looking back I made choices that caused me pain, I "should" have ;eft my abusive husban sooner, I "should" have taken that course.
But I know I did the best I could in all my life choices even the ones that caused me pain or led me to miss out on opportunities.
I know I have done very little in my life out of site or malice.
Most of my poor decisions were because of fear, or love, low self esteem, naiivity.
But I made the best choice I could given who I was at that time and the circumstances I was in.
And even though some of those choices led to poor outcomes I learned something from every single one.
And in many cases those choices have led to me becoming wiser, stronger, learning more about life and people, led me to trust my instincts more, value myself more, become braver and hone my values.
I have no regrets, because I rather admire and like who I am now. A few battle scars and bumps around the edges, but with a deep instinct and ability to love, and to sniff out negative people and situations from a great distance.
I celebrate the fact that I have not only survived a bumpy life but have become a stronger person because of it.

Perrymenopausal · 13/02/2022 07:10

Spending too many years seeking my mums approval. When I realised nothing I do would ever be good enough and she would always find fault in anything I did. Became a lot happier when I went low contact and moved hundreds of miles away.

GeneLovesJezebel · 13/02/2022 07:12

Should have told my mum I loved her, and asked her about her pregnancy with me, my early years, and her life.

GeneLovesJezebel · 13/02/2022 07:14

I also regret not exercising when I was young.
When you’re young you’re naturally quite fit and flexible, and it’s easier to get into the habit of exercising.
When you’re older it’s harder to start.

GeneLovesJezebel · 13/02/2022 07:16

Not having another child. Letting my DH dictate how many children I had.

londonrach · 13/02/2022 07:17

There are things that didn't work etc but I don't regret as learnt from everything and shapes me. At 26 you should be enjoying your freedom...travel and make mistakes

lollipoprainbow · 13/02/2022 07:19

Not being a better sister, I had an older sister we were very different people she was very outgoing and confident loved by everyone, I'm very quiet and shy. We only saw each other a few times a year as she lived two hours away. I never bothered with phonecalls or texts and I know she was upset we weren't closer, she loved her 'little sis'. Six years ago she got very ill and died within weeks. I visited her twice at the hospice and held her hand. I hope she knew how much I loved her even though I never showed it.

sandgrown · 13/02/2022 07:24

To all those regretting not being able to say goodbye to someone who has died. I sat with my mum when she was dying but you never do actually say goodbye because it’s too final. For those who died suddenly be thankful they did not have a lingering and painful death.
I regret not pushing my mum for more details about my bio father before she died. I thought I could ask close family but it turned out they didn’t know either.
When I suspected DH was having an affair with a friend I followed him. The last bit of the journey was a walk down I little alley to her house . It was very dark and I chickened out . I went back to my car and I saw him driving away with her . He denied anything was going on and it dragged out the divorce . If I had been brave I would have walked into them and caught him red handed .

elephantsbreafh · 13/02/2022 07:26

Leaving my ex - he was one of the good ones and I had grass is greener syndrome. I’ve never been as happy as I was with him.

Getting back into debt when I had cleared it off.

Not saving for a house when I had the chance.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 13/02/2022 07:29

Sunbathing.

iwanttobeonleave · 13/02/2022 07:30

OP you will learn from your regrets, they will give you strength to do things differently hereon.

stakhanovite · 13/02/2022 07:35

Staying too long on relationships that weren't right. Staying too long in jobs that made me miserable.

MissMogwai · 13/02/2022 07:38

Anything I think of as a regret, I also see as necessary as I wouldn't have the life I have now.

I settled down far too young and I used to wish I hadn't wasted those years on a selfish disloyal man. However I wouldn't have my children, and I wouldn't have had the determination to build my life as it is
now.

My eldest daughter often has the same
worries as you. And I say to her that it doesn't matter what other people your age have done or are doing; as long as you get to where you want to be, what does it matter.

PointyMcguire · 13/02/2022 07:38

Putting my career ahead of starting a family. I’m now approaching 35 and terrified I’ve left it too late. DH and I always thought it was something that would just happen, having very recently had an early miscarriage we now realise it’s not as easy as we thought

Onlyforcake · 13/02/2022 07:39

Can you regret your parents? Maybe regret not being more successful and the child they wanted.

stayathomer · 13/02/2022 07:41

I remember in school a girl was being joked about because of the way she read (she basically had joined school read and couldn't really read). I kind of gave a laugh. It just came out but I did walk away but didn't go over to her even though she was on her own. Hated that I was such a sheep that day (I was quiet and in general kept away from everyone). I think about it so regularly and feel sick every time.

stayathomer · 13/02/2022 07:45

I also regret not exercising when I was young.
When you’re young you’re naturally quite fit and flexible, and it’s easier to get into the habit of exercising.
When you’re older it’s harder to start.
I was so fit when I was younger but if you let it lapse it's honestly gone and I mean I used to run, hike walk, horseride and work in a very physical job (stables) and when I let it slide I barely ran to the end of my very short road without feeling I'd collapse. Honestly, try not to think about it x

gingerhills · 13/02/2022 07:45

@Teadrinker11

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

You are incredibly young to have sorted your career goal out already. Honestly. you might not think it now, but I am convinced messing around for a few years in yoru late teens, early twenties can be incredibly valuable.

Have you watched or read This Is going To Hurt by Adam Kay, who was sausage-factoried into becoming a doctor because that's what his family did. He wasn't good at it, he was deeply miserable and it ruined his life until he broke free.

Those 'wasted' years allow you to settle, finally on something meaningful to you not to your parents/teachers/society - something you with your almost adult mind, have chosen (full adult mental maturity comes ages around 26-28 so that's when the best decisions are made.)

This sound slike cheesy advice but I have found it so uplifting to make a bucket list of everything big and small, that I want to do in life. Can be as small as walk around that pretty park you see from the train on your commute to as big as dog sled through Alaska. But make a list - or several lists - lists of seasonal things to do, local things to do, free things to do, things to save for, etc. and start doing something from the list every week, and planning for the bigger things every month or year. Since doing this, I look back most years and think: Yes! I did it.

Start living now and putting this to look forward to into your diary. No more regrets.

CounsellorTroi · 13/02/2022 07:46

@Cofifeefee

No point in having regrets. You can't go back in time and thinking about them keeps you in the past rather than acting in the present for the good of your future.

I feel the same way. Most wrong decisions felt right at the time.

CounsellorTroi · 13/02/2022 07:47

And there is no way of knowing how things might have turned out if you’d made a different decision.

Cheekypeach · 13/02/2022 07:50

Luckily I can say I have none. Not because I haven’t done some very shitty things but because I’m so contented with where I am now, and where I am now only came about through a series of coincidences. I met DH in a job that I applied for 10 minutes before it closed online - had I wandered off to make a cup of tea, then who knows where I would be right now. Had anything been different in life before that moment then I wouldn’t have DH, DD and the life I do now. Plus I like to think I have learned from those mistakes.

Travelswithchildren · 13/02/2022 07:51

I followed a career path that was predictable and secure, without ever really enjoying it, because I was influenced too much by people's expectations. I regret losing the last 15+ years to that when I've known all along what I wanted to do. I was made redundant so now I'm finally doing it, but I regret not taking the decision for myself, and being too afraid of changing course.

CaramacTexan · 13/02/2022 07:55

Spending too much money on pointless, repetitive nights out , and not using that money to travel and see the world. I've never been out of Europe.

I'm in my 50's now with a school age child, a dog and no money, so it isn't going to happen until retirement, if it ever does.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/02/2022 07:55

Hey I have a very similar situation
Split 2019
Both kids majorly impacted
Eldest having anger issues , now school refusal
And autism assessment last summer

I’m a way to give advice , as what do I know ! But this is what helped

Getting 1:1 time with him , even a short drive or supermarket trip
Trying to pop into his room and check on him so he knows I’m present
Reading (if not necessarily applying !) the concepts of non violent resistance
Learning to intervene more
Calmly when it kicks off
Trying to self care and stay sane
Finding a decent psychologist for eldest

The impact of a split (huge) on top of covid is not to be underestimated

You truly are not alone navigating this