What is your biggest regret in life?

[Teadrinker11]

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

@Toanewstart23

I would have just turned 16. I didn't really want the responsibility that had been put on me, but I felt as though I had to do it. The thing that actually happened wasn't entirely my fault. There were older men involved and again, I felt like I couldn't say no to them either.

@CatRamsey and op. I can't remember the ops post but may I say that despite having tremendous fun in my 20s there were some breakups too with unsuitable men for me. I met dh aged 29 and sobbed my way through my 30th birthday because my friends were happily married and starting families. Actually the next decade revealed some weren't that happy despite the facade. There was one who got away but I wasn't ready.

I was much happier at 40 when I'd been married for 8 years and had two lovely dc.

On reflection I think 25-30 can be difficult for women. We haven't fully grown into ourselves.

Looking back I wonder why I so often felt unattractive in my 20s. I wish I'd embraced the me that was then but actually I had to accept myself and deal with my insecurities first.

I hope I support my 23 year old dd better than my mother supported me.

Go well.

Listening to my mum on so many things….she put me off doing a degree in history (“you won’t get a well paid job”) and trying air hostessing (“I didn’t pay to send you to Uni for you to waitress in the sky”).

Some days I regret marrying DH and not playing the field more in my twenties when I was beautiful.

Regret not working abroad, regret losing touch with certain people, regret not pursuing my own business before having kids.

So many regrets ☹️

Only just being diagnosed with PTSD. I have known something was very wrong for the past few years, I have been so angry and sad. I wish I had pursued a diagnosis and treatment sooner. Hopefully now I can start being kinder to my mum.

Boundaries! I literally got to about 40 and went 'doh! Boundaries' - I would say most of my regrets are based around that.
Wish I'd heard of limerance earlier, honestly just knowing what that meant would have helped.
Not a huge one but wish I'd been a bit cleverer with money when I was younger BUT I really grabbed every experience available with both hands, and hence I'm quite happy in my 40's to chill out with my family at home, so I don't regret that!

@RedCandyApple

Having children

Second that

Allowing myself to become completely infatuated with another man in my mid-30s whilst married. Completely unreciprocated but in my head thought it was. Marriage was a bit rocky at the time although still together 19 years later and it’s good now! Wish I hadn’t wasted so much headspace on it. Boring my close friends analysing every so called ‘look’ and ‘moment’ with him. My son was at primary school and wish I’d been more focussed on him. That time went so quickly and I’d love to go back and do it again and not be as distracted. Also wish I’d worked harder for A levels and gone to uni.

Marrying too young. Not attending university at 18 and leaving it until I was 41 when I was more cynical. Wishing I had studied languages rather than English. Having little self esteem. Not standing up for myself. However, I do not regret my beautiful daughters one iota.

Not concentrating on hobbies and interests in my teens rather than my crushes. I have more than made up for that in my later life and certain hobbies have served me very well.

Dropping out of my first degree. Got into a really selective fashion journalism course, but I was too into clubbing and generally having fun. I could have had a really interesting, fabulous job if I'd stayed.

Not pushing and challenging myself enough, I could have chosen a better and lucrative career pathway. Too late at 50!

not having more children ( 40 now )
my pathetic marriage which will i dont know how long it shall last

Met DH1 just as I was doing my finals - big distraction. One mark off a first and got a 2.1. I don’t think it’s ever held me back but as we are now divorced I regret it!

You are young!!! And you sound really self aware and reflective too. Maybe have a career plan?? Not a rigid one, but some kind of plan.

My early relationship and friendship choices/decisions and not having the confidence to recognise I could do a lot better.

Not travelling at a younger age.

Accepting from my parents that learning to type was really my only career choice.

I emigrated and lived away for ten years. Came back to escape an abusive boyfriend. Wish I hadn’t every single day.

@YukoandHiro

How old are you *@Notmrsfitz* ? There's always time to make a change for the future. Don't forget we only ever live in the moment we are actually in - there isn't really any future or past at any given moment - so please do use this as an opportunity to start living the life you want now, albeit making small changes at first if that's more manageable.

This is a really lovely way to think about things.

Not telling my parents how much I loved them more often. They are both dead and were lovely people and great parents. I was so lucky to have them.

I had three big regrets, but interestingly one of them has recently resolved.

1. Not going no contact with my abusive mum years earlier. She caused me so much emotional damage and it was only when I was free of her that I was able to rebuild myself into a happy, confident individual. I wasted so many years, wishing she would love me one day.

1. Not comforting my dad at my uncle’s funeral. Years ago my uncle died from cancer. I was absolutely heartbroken as he was like a second dad to me. He would visit every weekend and he was the only adult to take a real interest in me growing up. He was a kind man, and an excellent role model and I loved him very much. The day of the funeral I could barely think straight and was in floods of tears. I noticed after the service, for a couple of minutes my dad was stood crematorium all alone. He looked so lost and consumed by his own grief for his brother. I wanted to go over and put my arm around him or say something comforting but I felt rooted to the spot and unable to go to him. Then his other brother went over and the moment was gone. This was almost 14 years ago and I have always felt so guilty for not going over to him when he needed someone. My dad is getting older now and he admitted the other day that he cannot remember anything from that day, which made me feel a bit less guilty. Obviously I still failed to comfort him, but at least the hurt I was imagining isn’t reality.

1. Not being diagnosed as autistic as a child. It would’ve helped me in so many years and saved a lot of struggles

*ways, not years!

My biggest regret is ending up in debt and hiding from it. I'm now near retirement and counting the days until I can say to those chasing that they're out of time. It's awful living on a knife edge. I was very well paid but work disappeared overnight and that is where the previously serviceable debt came from. I urge my children and grandchildren to live within their means, it at least gives you peace of mind.

I'm trying to think of one but there aren't any, well I think I've probably made a few bad decisions along the way but no regrets. An elderly relative said to me at his 90th bday party (so probably reflecting on life quite a bit), "you should only regret the things you haven't done, not the things you have done". The way I look at things is for any rubbish decision on my part it's usually put me in the right place at the right time for something good to happen. Granted I've never had anything terrible happen to me so I might have a very different attitude if it did.

I suppose I regretted buying our house for a year or 2 after we bought it as it was a money pit and needed so much work done. We haven't fixed everything yet but I admitted to my husband a few months ago that I love our house. I think having children and bringing them home here turned what was once just a building (that I really didn't like) into our family home. It's twee but true.

I don’t believe in regrets. Every decision, every experience shapes us into who we are today. I like the person I am today, so why would I regret anything from my past? I might do some things differently if I had the chance, but I don’t actively regret anything.

However I have absolutely no regrets about being a young Mum, having my children in my late teens. I still accidentally had a fulfilling, very well paid career after my kids left home. I have no regrets about being a young grandma and now a great grandma. My life has been full of love, my blight is the financial bits that I should sort out.

Denying my sexuality to myself because I grew up under the Thatcher effect. I wanted to get married, have children etc so I decided to force myself to be straight. It's only now in my 30s and I'm divorced that I realise I probably aren't bisexual and I'm actually just gay. Sex with men has always been uncomfortable and just not what I thought it would be. Tried a decent enough number to know it wasnt just the men in question. Now I get why