What is your biggest regret in life?

[Teadrinker11]

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

Not much

Stopping breastfeeding my second child and the birth trauma disconnect I felt.

My wedding dress - pressurised as family member was paying, my self esteem was zero, they said it was nice I said Ok.

Getting fat

Not being harder working at school as I could have achieved more academically and then not realising that when I was in my 20's/30's I was still very young and I was only at the beginning - I still had time to change career/retrain etc....

@Waddlegoose

Not being comfortable in my own skin until mid 20s. I wasted all of my teenage years and mid 20s being paranoid, full of anxiety and just being a bit unhappy. I wish I had realised how much a joy thief anxiety is. I look back and cringe, still have moments but I have learnt to control my inner thoughts most of the time

I’m still like that at nearly 50 😩

I don’t quite know where to start. I regret my marriage/divorce back in the 80’s then falling into another relationship for sixteen years even though we had two beautiful children, leaving that relationship because there was no sparkle then finally going into a loveless union with a frigid man who has anger issues and cannot hold his alcohol when he drinks (only at the weekends). It’s like I’m not destined to find true love. At my age it’s becoming a lonely existence and it’s wearing me down. I think I just regret most of my adult life and wish I could turn back the clock and start again.

It’s not my biggest regret as such but I did a part law degree over 20yrs ago and could have converted to the full law degree but I stayed with friends on the other side and kept it just as a joint honours. In another life I’d be a lawyer. But I was a young parent too so wasn’t the only reason. I do earn a good salary so can’t complain but it’s something I’ve thought of more recently quite a bit. I’m mid 40’s so would never go back but I might be able to take a move into a job somehow related in my wider department (civil service)

Spending my teenage years pining for the wrong boy. What a waste of time.
Drifting. Not having a planned career. Wasting a talent.
Private schools for my children. (Mostly) a waste of money.
Not appreciating my parents enough while I still had them.

I love the honesty on here.

In the words of the legendary Edith "Je ne regrette rien".🤣🤣. Regret is a negative emotion and completely pointless. You can't change what's gone before. All you can do is learn from any mistakes/bad decisions etc and move on. Life is short. Don't waste it looking back - you're not going that way😀

I regret so very many things, I regret not having the courage to speak out when I was abused as a child, not having the ability to confront adults who were supposed to care for me when I was alone aged 11 and then I bitterly deeply regret wasting the best years of my life with an abusive alcoholic whom I had 3 children with and pretended we lived an idyllic life, I regret not using my qualifications, not buying my home and generally being an all round failure and let down - I’m now in a job I only have because of partners family, being second best or runner up in everything.

I don’t regret my 3 sons.

If I had my life to live over I would see beyond the helplessness and just follow my career and build on it buy a home learn to drive learn to love me before I tried to love anyone else.

I’m very guilty of a wasted life.

Not applying to Cambridge to see where it got me. I probably wouldn't have got in, but I might have done. I had decent enough grades. I was put off by an appalling teacher.

Also not making a move on a man I was in love with in my 20s but who was still with his high school sweetheart then. We were having an emotional affair I guess (I was single). They did eventually marry, but I'll never know what would have happened if I'd done it.

not buying a house in the late 90s. At 19 I was earning £18k and you could easily buy a rundown terrace in this area then for £18k. 15k for a really rough one. 30k for a fairly good one. I could have gone to any bank and borrowed 1x-1.5x times and bought one. I used to look at them in the local property paper. this wasn't a one off opportunity, this was a window of 4-5 years.

I even remember, at the time, the local property paper printing an article about how no one would or should want to buy a terrace house because anyone can afford a semi now

I have soo many but the maids ones are:

My mum called me at 8pm to say that Nanny was back in hospital - it wasn't good. DH was out trick-or-treating with our DS's and I didn't want to call them back. They had been looking forward to it for soo long and were chuffed with their costumes. Told her we would come first thing.
She called me at 6 in the morning to tell me she passed. I was sleeping while she was dying in hospital. I was very close to her; she was a second mum to me. Never forgave myself for that.
The same when my grandad died. I had not long had a baby and we didn't visit him. He passed a few weeks later. Never got to meet his third grand son.
Third one is not breaking contact with my biological father sooner. I suffered 16 years of mental abuse from him. I just wanted a little respect/acknowledgment that I was his daughter. Didn't get it.

Renting for so long when we should have bought as early into lives as possible to get on the ladder.
Working and starting career so early on, wish I had travelled, spent time living abroad before family ties and family old age / ill health mean we don't feel we can do this.
Wish I'd created healthier lifestyle habits earlier on, took health for granted and now its harder to make changes if damage already done.
Cared less about what other people thought all the time, I was thin, young and carefree and I should have felt more comfortable in my own skin than I did.

How old are you @Notmrsfitz ? There's always time to make a change for the future. Don't forget we only ever live in the moment we are actually in - there isn't really any future or past at any given moment - so please do use this as an opportunity to start living the life you want now, albeit making small changes at first if that's more manageable.

@Blossomtoes

That I didn’t see my stillborn son. I was whisked off to ITU and everyone was more concerned I was going to die too. I’ll never know what he looked like.

I regret not completing my PhD. I completed, submitted and passed my viva 'subject to minor corrections'. I was splitting up with my first husband at the time, so never did it. I feel as if I threw all my hard work away.
I regret that my house and garden are both disasters. My husband does nothing at home. Our sons wash up and take out the bins. I work full time, 50 - 60 hours per week, cook from scratch at least 5 days per week, meal plan & order groceries, do mine & husband's laundry, keep on top of bills, birthdays, appointments. I refuse to do anything else in the house or garden. So it sits, and festers. We need multiple tip runs, but I don't drive. I never invite friends or family into my home.

Notmrsfitz

But not much of this is your fault. You poor thing not having the courage to speak out when you were a child- but how could you. You were probably afraid or repurcussions, or not being believed, or being the "cause" of a family drama.
Even as a child you did the best you could given your circumstances.
You chose the route you thought was best, and you were robbed of self esteem which forced you to put up with an abusive OH.
None of that is your fault, and yes it would have been good to have more courage, the ability to stand up and speak out- but you didn;t have that ability- and none of that was your fault.
I too suffered as a child and it led to me choosing abusive men.
But not my fault. Not your fault either. X

Not being better with money. We could be mortgage free by now but we spent and got into debt.

We lost some friends at young ages and developed this ‘you never know what’s round the corner’ attitude to spending.

Rushing in to marriage at 21 years old after knowing each other just 10 months. My grandma used to say "marry in haste, repent at leisure" He was verbally and physically abusive to me and although he didn't hit the kids they were very frightened of him, especially my daughter. I should never have stayed with him. I didn't realize at the time what dreadful psychological harm it would be doing to them. 50 years on we are still together. He's no physical threat now as he's in his 80's and not being in the best of health too frail. And it's too late now anyway to leave, no point, the damage is done. I once told his sister many years ago how bad things were and she promised to keep in touch to make sure I was ok but she never did. I reminded her of it recently and she said I was lying and never told her that. Accused me of playing mind games with her. So try to stop feeling regretful, at 26 you have decades ahead of you. Good luck in wherever life takes you x

Not going to the hospital because I had a research paper due. My grandparent died suddenly in the night.

I thought there was time. I don't think that anymore. Life is short.

I had a great boyfriend when I was 25. Loving kind faithful - sex was great, he pulled his weight and was attractive. Worked hard and interested in life. I was briefly attracted to someone else - didn’t act on it but thought I didn’t love him and so ended it - I realise now that due to abusive parents I believed something was wrong with me and I didn’t deserve true love - I did. I married abusive arse hole twice and after nearly a year of counselling realise the problem was not me but then and conditioning and I’ve spent the last year or so learning about me and being nc with them. Totally changed my life

my heart breaks for the person who wanted to work with David Attenborough and travel the world in teams for him.

That’s so very sad.

Trying to get my mother to love me for the last 60 years. She never has loved me and she never will love me and I have to accept that.

Station my current job for so long. I hate it so much but I’m terrified of leaving

Sorry I meant staying in my current job