To think this isn't 'pretentious'

[blameitontheweatherwoman]

Meeting my brothers new girlfriend last night at a family event. Small talk etc and she asked me what I was doing at uni, I said and I quote, 'a masters in social work'. That was fine, small pleasantries were exchanged and that was it.

Must note me and my brother don't have the best of relationships. God knows we've tried but we just don't get on, we're polar opposites and fall out, make up, fall out, make up.

Anyways, this afternoon I received a text from him, basically the way I presented myself and my education was 'pretentious'. Was there any need to tell his girlfriend I was doing a master in social work rather than just 'I'm doing social work'. He said even saying I was doing a postgrad would have been better.

It was honestly not a conscious thought but was then thinking, even if it was, why bloody not? I'm proud of it?

However it's made me weary about how I present it to others (sure I'm overthinking). Is it pretentious to say that when asked??

@D0lphine
Men are often insecure when faced with educated women
Insecure men are.

Its almost funny now how some people and def some posters here positively bristle at any one who does well academically!

'Yeah I know, am a total twat, imagine doing well in my exams at school and uni, I'm a pretentious arse'... 🤔

I did a PhD and my ex really wasn’t keen on the fact that I would (on paper) be more educated than him even though he earned twice what I ever will. He would always tell me that he could have done a PhD but didn’t need to and it doesn’t mean that I’m clever etc etc. the day I passed my PhD I had loads of friends offering to take me for a drink to celebrate but I chose to spend the night with him. He got in a mood with me about ordering a pizza he didn’t approve of (not even joking) and made me cry. It was so miserable on what should have been such a proud and happy day. I dumped him soon after and funnily enough he was absolutely devastated, had to take compassionate leave from work, practically stalked me to try and win me back and when that didn’t work posted lots of inspirational quotes on Facebook about how strong he was. I dodged an absolute missile there!!

@Camomila

I'm not sure how a postgrad sounds less pretentious than a masters? Postgrad could be anything from a postgrad certificate to a PhD.

I don't think you were being pretentious, you were just answering a question accurately.

You answered a question with a factual answer. When you graduate you will be awarded a Masters in Social Work. I was a single parent of 2 and worked as a teacher. I cannot imagine doing a degree with 2 children. You should be massively proud of yourself. I am retired now and last week I was asked to join the panel of a local organisation in my village. They are all men and they needed a woman to meet the criteria for charitable funding. I was asked to join but told that it wasn't necessary for me to speak. Oh do fuck off. There are many men ( not all ) who prefer a woman to be basically barefoot, pregnant and silent. Perhaps your brother is one of those.

in the day I was pulled aside by our supervisor as the colleague has made a complaint against me for "lording it over her" and I was told in future to say College, rather than Uni or University because it sounds less threatening.*

This is crazy.

He feels inferior.

@mustlovegin

Social studies is a subject that anyone of average intelligence can manage.

It's not your fault that this woman can't be bothered OP

But OP isn’t doing social studies…

TBH it's only a masters!!

It's not like you said "I'm doing a funded PhD in blah de blah at X university"

If someone said I'm doing masters/post grad study I would just be interested in what subject 🤷🏽‍♀️

If this upset his GF I’d say it is more about her self-esteem than anything to do with you. Either she is intimidated by education or she’s jealous. Never be embarrassed about your education or try to lessen what you are doing.

"She asked me a question and I answered it".

I think it’s got a bit to do with the way social work is seen and the struggle there has been for it to transition to a ‘profession’ that requires a degree.
Fwiw I was one of the last years to do the diploma before it switched to a degree, but I did an MSc in applied social studies with the diploma in social work. I think people were surprised it was a masters type thing 🙄

I wouldn’t even dignify it with a response. He is clearly jealous, he feels inferior, he’s a non head.
Do not reply!!

Not pretentious, and I don’t think saying you were doing a postgrad in social work would be any different.

She asked you directly what you were studying at uni. You answered exactly what you were studying at uni. Your brother is trying to create drama.

Stop over thinking it. You didn't do anything wrong. You ARE doing Masters in social work, so why not say it?
Anyway, to paraphrase the age old saying "It's not you, it's them"

‘Pretentious? Moi?’ is the only appropriate response I think

@Gridhopper

‘Pretentious? Moi?’ is the only appropriate response I think

Perfect🤣🤣

@WulyJmpr

He sounds jealous and like he's trying ro take you down a peg. Ignore and kill with kindness. Just reply with how charming his gf was or something :)

Precisely this. He feels threatened.

Not read the thread further but I guess he's always felt inadequate next to your brains and no big house is going to compensate for that.

Jealousy, envy, inverted snobbery, chip on both shoulders, and a nice combination of inferiority complex combined with an over inflated sense of self worth and entitlement, he sounds horrendous

@blameitontheweatherwoman

I just a wondered would it be less 'pretentious' to say, 'I'm doing a postgrad in social work'

When you do reply, reply in Latin.

The phrase "chip on the shoulder" was made for this scenario.
He's being ridiculous and obviously feels quite inferior and threatened. Just ignore.

Text back 'No you're pretentious' in true sibling style.

You are at uni. You are doing a degree. What other answer was to be expected? If you had said you were at uni, the next question would be what topic? Honestly says way more about DB and his GF than you. Congratulations on the degree by the way and remember those that criticise the ones doing something are usually the ones doing nothing

@OfstedOffred

Aren't masters in social work quite common? In that field of work, I mean. It doesnt sound in the least pretentious to me. Masters degrees are ten a penny these days anyway.

I really hope you don't actually work for Ofsted given your username because that was truly an arrogant and disingenuous comment. Certainly not one that anyone who has anything to do with Ofsted should make. That's genuinely quite embarrassing for you to say.

Gosh they sound like hard work! They are 2 separate courses so of course you should say the correct one. I studied social work BA hons and it was a 3 year course, if I'm correct the masters is a year full-time with an existing undergraduate degree? OP it's their problem not yours...be proud of your achievements and good luck with your studies.