Page 4 | Colleague sacked for abuse, shocked

Cheesestring11 · 2022-02-12T16:13:00+00:00

She was caught on camera verbally abusing an elderly man with dementia, and sacked with immediate effect. I'm shocked, I got on well with her, she wasn't perfect but I thought she had a good heart generally. Haven't spoken to her in over a week, but I believe the event happened this week. Not sure what to do really, just shocked that she could have done it, everyone makes mistakes but that was just nasty. Would you cut contact with her?

Icantrememberthenameoftheartis · 12/02/2022 18:32

“Verbally abused an elderly man with dementia’ ‘She’s not perfect but generally has a good heart’’. I’m shocked you would want to stay in contact. Are you also in care work’ I hope not. If you remain in contact it speaks volumes about your moral compass.

LadyGagagagaga123 · 12/02/2022 18:33

My Nan is in a care home with dementia. I think I should probably keep any further comments to myself...

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 12/02/2022 18:36

I would keep in contact, arrange to pop in for a coffee.

Then knock seven bloody bells out of the nasty, cruel, cowardly, vile bully

Bringsexyback · 12/02/2022 18:38

Are used to work in a children’s nursery and some of the shit that went down there would upset you not only that the lack of accountability from management and a desire to pressure under the carpet rather than train all learn from the experience. Cute little babies can get treated like shit I dread to think that happens to the elderly

Mandyjack · 12/02/2022 18:40

TBH I've worked as a carer and also for social services and I think I would cut off contact. She's obviously not the person you thought she was.

Mandyjack · 12/02/2022 18:42

@Bringsexyback

Are used to work in a children’s nursery and some of the shit that went down there would upset you not only that the lack of accountability from management and a desire to pressure under the carpet rather than train all learn from the experience. Cute little babies can get treated like shit I dread to think that happens to the elderly

You do have the option to whistle blow if abuse of children is going on in a child care setting and management are not dealing with it.

notanothertakeaway · 12/02/2022 18:45

@Supersimkin2

Demented and vulnerable doesn’t mean harmless: rather the opposite.

Nice and polite and reasonable tend to be off the menu too.

Get the facts and her side of the story.

@Supersimkin2

Disinhibited behaviour due to dementia is never an excuse for abusing a vulnerable patient

KrisAkabusi · 12/02/2022 18:54

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Fired for gross misconduct usually comes with a clause that she cannot have contact with any employees of the company.

Dont contact her. Why would you want to?

How on earth would that be enforceable? The person has been fired, they've not signed a new contract! What would they do if they found her talking to an employee? Fire her again?

KylieCharlene · 12/02/2022 19:09

I'd have to cut contact.
She wasn't the person you thought she was. She has abused someone in her care.
There's no excuse for that. None.

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 12/02/2022 19:09

I recently found out a care worker friend of mine has been sacked for stealing and the police have revoked her DBS. If you'd have asked me if I ever thought she'd do it, I'd have said a resounding no. It's really made me question my own judgement.

Care is an extremely hard job but abusing people, stealing from them? There's no excuse!

MrsLargeEmbodied · 12/02/2022 19:13

i worked with someone who became senior carer,
put talc on the lady's bottom, then smacked the bottom, just jesting
sat outside ignoring the bell call.

so awful to work with bad carers, i have mostly worked with great caring carers. they are a joy to work with.

Wreath21 · 12/02/2022 19:14

It's not totally unheard of for managment to fabricate or exaggerate 'incidents' to get rid of staff who are percieved as troublesome - by which I mean that they don't grovel to bullying bosses - or won't turn a blind eye to abusive behaviour, fraud or theft by management. Which is why I asked OP about the overall culture in her workplace.

There certainly are problems within care homes because care work is underpaid and undervalued, and has often been the type of work people are pressured into doing by the DWP when they have little or no aptitude for it because it's seen as shitwork that any trained monkey could do. So it may well be that OP's colleague is guilty of gross misconduct, or at least a severe lack of self-control. Lots of care workers are really lovely, kind people who do their absolute best despite the appalling pay and routine overwork and general condescension, but while the carehome industry is now almost entirely run for profit, abuse is going to happen.

Roselilly36 · 12/02/2022 19:19

Beyond disgusting to treat someone with Dementia so appalling, that is purely abuse, this person doesn’t have a good heart. Why would you want to be in contact with such a person?

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 12/02/2022 19:26

The amount of times you hear from workers that someone who is aggressive or disinhibited must have been like that when younger but just hit it well, but have no understanding of the frontal lobe and what happens when it's damaged.

I do understand consequences of damage to the frontal lobe. I also understand that several people didn't hide their aggression or disrespect for others when they were younger and have continued that into older age, either with or without acquiring a diagnosis of dementia or other changes to the brain.

she complained that one of the male residents kept coming in, stroking her body and feeling her breasts. She didn't want me to raise it as "He thinks I'm his wife." When I asked the staff, they actually laughed and responded with, "Ah, he gets confused!" The women's rooms were totally separated from the men and the nurses station was part of the boundary. It was only when I mentioned the words "Sexual assault" that they took it seriously.

How would many of us here feel if encouraged to laugh off repeated sexual assaults on our relatives? Same response? Our vulnerable relative must understand the needs of another vulnerable resident? Or would we prefer the staff to protect our relative?

FriendofDorothy · 12/02/2022 19:32

I worked with a doctor who was convicted of possession of thousands of indecent images of children. I never made contact with him and was revolted by the whole thing but I found it really hard to get my head around it and to work out how I felt about the whole situation.

HappyDays40 · 12/02/2022 19:34

If she was abusing a man with Dementia she deserves to lose her job.

Dragnet1 · 12/02/2022 19:34

It is shocking and very bad behaviour. What others may not consider is the following - that sometimes someone can make a very bad mistake and be sorry for it and she may have been going through a very bad time herself. I would review how she has been in the past and possible triggers. If you feel like contact I think you will need to discuss this issue and see if she has taken steps to amend her wrongs

godmum56 · 12/02/2022 19:43

speaking as a retired manager, although the company can't tell you not to see her, I'd be very very careful. If she was caught on camera then its not a question of whether or not she did it and "you can tell a person by the company they keep"
I wouldn't yell at them, text abuse, Deffo not attack her. But I would cut contact..especially if, as you imply, she's a work colleague not a close friend.
@Dragnet1. You are wrong, there is no excuse. If you are going to take money for caring for the vulnerable, you should have enough self awareness to either leave your own baggage at home or take sick leave if you can't.

Staffy1 · 12/02/2022 19:59

It’s not a job I could do, so I wouldn’t condemn someone who flipped and verbally abused someone. If it was a common occurrence that’s a different matter as they shouldn’t be doing the job and the people in their care need the exceptional people that can do it with endless love and compassion.

godmum56 · 12/02/2022 20:03

@Staffy1

It’s not a job I could do, so I wouldn’t condemn someone who flipped and verbally abused someone. If it was a common occurrence that’s a different matter as they shouldn’t be doing the job and the people in their care need the exceptional people that can do it with endless love and compassion.

they should not do it even once. If you feel like you are going to flip, you remove yourself from the situation. No excuses if you are being paid to do it.

ancientgran · 12/02/2022 20:03

@Dragnet1

It is shocking and very bad behaviour. What others may not consider is the following - that sometimes someone can make a very bad mistake and be sorry for it and she may have been going through a very bad time herself. I would review how she has been in the past and possible triggers. If you feel like contact I think you will need to discuss this issue and see if she has taken steps to amend her wrongs

This is true and obviously people have to lose their job but it doesn't make them a monster in every case. I worked with someone in mental health, he handled physical abuse from service users in the proper way but one day a service user caught him unawares, punched him and he instinctively hit back. It was a human reaction, he lost his job but I don't think he was a monster, he was just caught offguard and reacted.

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 20:08

Fucking hell she’s only a colleague, not even a friend. Any normal person would WANT to cut contact with the nasty bitch without needing the approval of Mumsnet first. Honestly what’s wrong with you?

godmum56 · 12/02/2022 20:10

@ancientgran
"This is true and obviously people have to lose their job but it doesn't make them a monster in every case. I worked with someone in mental health, he handled physical abuse from service users in the proper way but one day a service user caught him unawares, punched him and he instinctively hit back. It was a human reaction, he lost his job but I don't think he was a monster, he was just caught offguard and reacted."

no one is saying that the person is a monster but they were obviously in the wrong job. If you are someone who instinctively reacts then you can't be in a job with violent patients....actually while yes they had to leave the job, I see one instinctive blow as less heinous than losing it and yelling. I stand by my comment that the OP should not be staying in touch.

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 20:12

All these people making excuses for this woman. I wonder if you’d be so quick to defend a frazzled nanny or nursery worker who verbally abused your child. I very much doubt it somehow.

Retisestress · 12/02/2022 20:16

It depends on the background. Was the manager trying to find a reason to get rid of her and used a flimsy excuse that she was abusive ie sounding impatient or was it that she very obviously was abusive?
You know this person and what she is normally like..use your own judgement and not the opinions of strangers!