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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird to bring husband on play date with kids?

109 replies

notsure2022 · 12/02/2022 11:11

Kids have a play date soon (not at the persons home) my eldest has SEN. My husband is insisting he comes along to help keep a eye on the kids (I'm disabled and struggle if eldest was to have a melt down etc)
They haven't said anything about their husband coming, would it be weird to take my husband? HmmConfused

I appreciate how first world problem this is but I have autism and social anxiety so this is hard for me and I don't know the mum that well.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 12/02/2022 11:13

I think it might be a little strange. If it’s needed it’s needed however. Maybe he could be close by instead

LittleBearPad · 12/02/2022 11:13

Do you think he needs to come? I think you get to say

AgentProvocateur · 12/02/2022 11:14

Yes it would be a bit weird to just turn up with him. Could you discuss it in advance wit the other mum?

Redlorryyellowduck · 12/02/2022 11:15

So you're meeting another Mum and her dc at the park? Yeah it's weird to being a husband so mention it in advance. She can then opt to bring hers / cancel or whatever.

Original poster
notsure2022 · 12/02/2022 11:15

No. I think I could possibly be okay, if I get nervous I can focus on my DC.
She doesn't know about my autism or anything like that and I really don't want to get off on the wrong foot! I hate all these social rules. I did think it would be a bit strange!

OP posts:
BamberGascoine · 12/02/2022 11:15

I must admit when I did play dates back in the day if someone brought along their OH I would have been a bit disappointed. That’s because it was a tricky time for me, I really wasn’t happy and was struggling. I looked at play dates and such as bonding time with other women who might be in a similar position.

I think your situation is different though. If YOU feel like you need him there to support given the circumstances just let her know. I would be fine with it but would prefer a heads up.

I’m more struck by your husband insisting, maybe it’s just the way you have worded it for this post though

Hoppinggreen · 12/02/2022 11:17

I would not be happy about it to be honest.
If you feel you need him to come then you can explain to the host ahead of time but it sounds like he is insisting

cheektpara · 12/02/2022 11:18

Where is the play date?

I think you should ask her first. I have autism too btw, and it would throw me if I didn't know this was happening.

Original poster
notsure2022 · 12/02/2022 11:18

Insisting is probably the wrong word, assumed is probably better. I don't really go anywhere without him so he's probably used to my weirdness now.

OP posts:
BeetyAxe · 12/02/2022 11:19

It is weird and any play dates I went on were this happened meant the person wasn’t invited again. Sorry. Maybe invite her to yours then it’s less weird if he is there, and he can stay a bit in the background.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/02/2022 11:20

How many DC and how old? When you planned it you presumably thought you’d go without him. It’s not up to him to insist but is he right to be concerned?

Yika · 12/02/2022 11:20

I’d think that was totally fine personally. Maybe mention it ahead of time if you have any worry about it and ask your DH to go and supervise the kids for a bit leaving you chatting time with the other mum. (Or not .. I can’t personally see much of an issue about hanging around chatting as a group of 3.)

converseandjeans · 12/02/2022 11:22

It wouldn't be usual. Maybe he can be on end of the phone and come to help if eldest becomes difficult.

I would find that quite stifling never going anywhere without DH.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 12/02/2022 11:22

Is it intended as a a chance for you to meet and chat with the mum or just a chance for the kids to play? If it's just for the kids to play then I'd send DH off to do the play date with a smile and wave and have a couple of hours by myself.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 12/02/2022 11:22

It's fine. It's not in her home.

I'd maybe just mention that he's coming, just so she's not expecting you only.

Original poster
notsure2022 · 12/02/2022 11:22

I'm going to tell him to stay home. I will manage okay, thanks for your honest replies. Thanks

OP posts:
Mouikey · 12/02/2022 11:25

I think it depends. Me and my hubby drop off and pick up every day, together. We dont come as a pair but are taking the opportunity to do it as we will likely have to go back in the office at some stage so are enjoying this right now.

On play dates it tends to be just me going, but on occasion we both go; that is generally when the other hubby is also there and we have a couple of glasses of wine!

Have a few play dates coming up and most will be just me as they are parents we don’t know well and will be mainly the other mum!

In your situation I’d explain to the mum why. Could be that your DH can go off and supervise the kids and you guys get to chat?

TheApexOfMyLife · 12/02/2022 11:33

I’d stay at home and let your DH go to keep an eye on his child tbh.

I mean children’s parties are not the most exciting thing to do anyway.

Hoppinggreen · 12/02/2022 11:35

@notsure2022

Insisting is probably the wrong word, assumed is probably better. I don't really go anywhere without him so he's probably used to my weirdness now.
Is that your choice or his?
NadjaofAntipaxos · 12/02/2022 11:37

I dunno, depending on kids ages, if it's soft play or the park and a dad tags along I love it. It means they go off and supervise the kids whilst I get to chat to the mum and enjoy a peaceful coffee.
I think it depends on the circumstances.

Original poster
notsure2022 · 12/02/2022 11:37

@TheApexOfMyLife

I’d stay at home and let your DH go to keep an eye on his child tbh.

I mean children’s parties are not the most exciting thing to do anyway.

I did that before and DC didn't get another invite for a play date. Grin I read that situation wrong!

I'll be okay, I can mask my nervousness usually by being over chatty so I can do it I think it's just the aniexty before hand if you know what I mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
notsure2022 · 12/02/2022 11:38

My choice @Hoppinggreen I've always been like it. I've managed a few situations on my own in the past, and I'm getting better at it but I prefer having him with me incase my brain suddenly goes dark and I can't think of anything to say. (I'm not that interesting of a person)

OP posts:
Pumpfive · 12/02/2022 11:39

Is the play date for your youngest or eldest? If the youngest, could you leave eldest with dad and just take the youngest?

Stressedout1009 · 12/02/2022 11:40

Tbh if you explained your situation I would have no problem if your dh came along. If anything he could keep an eye on the kids while you both enjoyed a coffee and chat? It may not be the usual done thing, but people also need to adapt to situations that aren't the norm. Why don't you propose the above and see what she says?

KylieCharlene · 12/02/2022 11:41

Very weird.

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