Weird to bring husband on play date with kids?

[notsure2022]

Kids have a play date soon (not at the persons home) my eldest has SEN. My husband is insisting he comes along to help keep a eye on the kids (I'm disabled and struggle if eldest was to have a melt down etc)
They haven't said anything about their husband coming, would it be weird to take my husband?

I appreciate how first world problem this is but I have autism and social anxiety so this is hard for me and I don't know the mum that well.

Although the insisting part of your post kinda bothers me, for you. Do you never take the children out without him?

@navydear

Why are you even talking about "having" something. You are autistic, I am autistic, we think differently to the the way majority of people think. Of course, we all have social anxiety because society was developed by neurotypical people and we are made conform to things that make us u comfortable. Yo are not a child, you are a fully grown woman who functions in society and is a mother. If you need you husband nearby, of course that is fine, but not sitting down having coffee with the girls, that's super weird. Tell him bring a newspaper and sit at another table closer to where kids are playing and let him go over and back to the kids. You, stay with your friends and have a natter and a cuppa. You will always be autistic, nothing wrong with it, but you speak of it like it's this big deal that you need help to navigate your way through every step of the day, you don't. Try not to refer to it as "having autism" as if it's a disease or Inness, it's being neurodiverse. You are either neuro diverse or neuro typical. It's like if you are left handed or right handed, you don't say I have "left handedness" just because you are in the minority group of people who's brains are wired differently to have better control of their left hand.

Yes I'm autistic but it doesn't define me. I am high functioning just terrible at social skills and conversation. Autism is just a part of me so I say "with autism". No offence intended.

I notice that some people need their DH with them due to social anxiety. Does it not occur to you the person you are meeting may also have social anxiety, and you showing up with another person unexpectedly will put the other mum on the back foot feeling outnumbered and having to navigate a different social dynamic to the meeting?

@Looneytune253 I don't get it either...fair enough if it's a group of mums from a baby group or something, and it's always been the mums meeting up. Or if it's at someone's house and the other mum doesn't know the husband.
But if it's a public space then why on earth would it be weird for both parents to be there? We have several families we're friendly with and meet up for play dates, sometimes it's just the mums, sometimes the mums and dads all together, other times it's a mixture of mums and couples. It's never been an issue.

I wouldn't mind especially if I knew that you might need help with DC. Do tell the other mum in advance though.

@Snaketime but they do like you. That's why they have invited you. You ate projecting your own insecurities on others. No way would a mum invite another mum for a play date if they didn't think they would like them, you would just ask the kid to come round to your house instead. A play date is for the parents to get to know each other as well as the kids. So by bringing your husband you are sending a message to them which is why they stop inviting you

@BeetyAxe

It is weird and any play dates I went on were this happened meant the person wasn’t invited again. Sorry. Maybe invite her to yours then it’s less weird if he is there, and he can stay a bit in the background.

On mumsnet, playdates are ONLY FOR ADULTS WITH XX CHROMOSOMES. Because as everyone knows, dads are not actually parents, & do not know how to play.

I wouldn't mind if I was the other mum.

Just drop her a text to say your DH is coming to lend a hand.

If I received that message I'll say 'no worries but I'm happy to help if needed' and leave it at that.

Or, tell hi to sit in the car maybe? It might just be the outing you need to develop your confidence, but with back your if you need it.

Had this happen to me, thinking in meeting up with another mum and her kid for a playdate and a catch up and the husband turns up. It does change the dynamic as it felt I was just tagging along on a family day out.

However, in your situation, I would totally understand as long s you have me a heads up first.