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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 11:39

Fear usually comes from experience OP.

There are many scared women drivers because many women drivers have had scary experiences while driving.

Many men/women have impaired vision at night caused by halos from street lights and car headlights.

Cam2020 · 12/02/2022 11:41

I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it.*

Yeah, true, you're getting judged right now on your over use of 'super' as well as your ridiculous post!

violetmonster · 12/02/2022 11:43

I was in a traumatic crash at 18, months after passing my test. It was awful and I was absolutely terrified of cars for a long time afterwards

I did months of counselling and worked really really hard to get to a point where I could drive again, confidently and use the skill I had worked so hard for

I still don't love it but I do it because it's useful. At no point in my experience was I remotely pathetic for my feelings

Gwenhwyfar · 12/02/2022 11:43

"I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that."

I don't drive and I don't care if you judge me for it. I don't make anyone else drive me around except the well-paid tram driver.
I judge people who use their cars when they could walk. Polluting unnecessarily.

Seb342 · 12/02/2022 11:44

YANBU. I've always loved driving and I've done advanced driver training and can think of nothing better than spending a few hours on the track at speeds that are illegal on public roads.

I think it depends on how you were raised, my father has 3 daughters and he's in the motor trade and has a lot of experience and credentials so it definitely rubbed off on me but not my other 2 sisters.

I drive a high performance car and it annoys me when people think women can't handle a car like mine and should be driving a fiat 500 or something similar. I've noticed if my Dp is driving men just give him the nod at traffic lights but if it's me they turn all macho and have to try and race me to prove a point to themselves because they can't handle seeing a woman in a better car than them.

Lots of women I work with are scared of driving but there's a lot of us who love it and appreciate a fast, powerful car as well.

lumpofcomfort · 12/02/2022 11:45

I had been driving confidently all over the country and abroad for over 20 years. About 18 months ago I suddenly developed terrible anxiety about motorway driving. It seemed to come out of nowhere. I had been becoming worried about the increasing number of lorries that kept driving extremely close behind me when I had the kids in the car but there was no specific incident. I don't think it's a case of "woman up" as I genuinely get signs of panic. I've been working hard to overcome it and been doing regular short journeys to rebuild my confidence. Things are improving, but I guess my point is that even confident and experienced drivers can succumb to driving anxiety. Some of the dreadful driving on roads doesn't help.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:45

@Canaloha

I'd rather people who don't feel overly confident driving in certain conditions don't. I know men who don't enjoy driving new places etc but i think it's more taboo for them to admit it so they crack on, not always a good thing. Why does it bother you though, like how does it really affect your life? Confused
It doesn't keep me up at night or anything, but there have been occasions where plans have been unable to go ahead or had to be very inconveniently altered because women were scared to drive. That's just annoying.

Also, it does irritate me how much of a big deal people make out of the fact that I'm happy to drive / rent cars in other countries. Like I'm some sort of anomaly. I'm often praised for it and I just find it annoying to be praised for something so basic that I think all adults should be able to do ( aside from obviously some good reasons why you just can't drive, like a disability etc ).

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 12/02/2022 11:45

@Howeverdoyouneedme

I think perhaps, that women are more likely to say they don’t drive, it’s more acceptable perhaps. I know a fair few man who don’t drive. I tell you what though, it doesn’t affect me in the slightest.
Yes, men will say they don't drive rather than admit to being afraid to drive.
Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:47

@Cam2020

* I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it.*

Yeah, true, you're getting judged right now on your over use of 'super' as well as your ridiculous post!

That's fine by me. It happens. Such is life, get used to it.
OP posts:
Longcovid21 · 12/02/2022 11:47

By the way, I have just bought a new electric vehicle which has incredible acceleration. I find.men in dodgy white vans trying to race me exiting roundabouts
There's definitely some macho stuff out there.

UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 11:47

@unfeelingwife I think you're over estimating the admiration people feel that you can rent a car when you're abroad.

And so what, other people do things you'd hesitate to do.

Why take such a polarised position. Why say ''I'm going to judge you and I don't care what you make of that''.

It's not an emotionally mature position.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/02/2022 11:47

@Gumbo

I completely agree with this being a trait that is almost exclusive to women and it baffles me. I used to share a house with a woman in her twenties who had just learnt to drive - but she was very nervous and utterly incapable of parallel parking, to the point where she'd come home having literally abandoned the car in the middle of the road, right beside a perfectly suitable parking spot and ask me to park it for her! Shock. Tragically she later died in a car crash (caused by her) Sad
Well, she was right to be afraid then wasn't she? She obviously didn't have the knack for driving and would have been better off not driving.
violetmonster · 12/02/2022 11:49

A lot of this thread reeks of internalised misogyny I must say

MondeoFan · 12/02/2022 11:51

I know women like this. One won't drive anywhere where there are roundabouts (isn't that most towns) one won't drive in the dark, one can only drive small cars, one won't drive anywhere she's never been before etc etc
In my experience these are all women that passed their test later in life - age 30 onwards so I thought maybe that has something to do with it.
Think if you pass when younger you're a lot more confident.
I've been driving over 30 years and drive anywhere and in any car big or small.

Cam2020 · 12/02/2022 11:51

That's fine by me. It happens. Such is life, get used to it.

What makes you think I'm not used to it?

I think the only person congratulating you is yourself!

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 11:52

@unfeelingwife get you! I'd rather unconfident drivers could be honest about it than drive with extreme anxiety.

I'm a confident driver and what frustrates me beyond belief is over confident risk takers far more than people who won't drive.

You can't kill anyone if you're not driving.

UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 11:52

@violetmonster

A lot of this thread reeks of internalised misogyny I must say
It sure does!
malificent7 · 12/02/2022 11:54

Well I judge people who judge non drovers. No wonder our planet is so fucked with all the emissions if driving is seen as a life essential and a measure of not being "pathetic."

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 11:55

@violetmonster

A lot of this thread reeks of internalised misogyny I must say
This.
Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 11:58

It's certainly encouraged a fair amount of unnecessary women hating.

viques · 12/02/2022 11:59

@user1471543683

I see this at work in the staff room, colleagues discussing about how they want to go to IKEA but no they'd never drive there. It's pretty much motorway/dual carriageway all the way there. Straightforward but they don't do it.
Many years ago a whole staff meeting was wasted by several teachers ( sadly including the head ) discussing how they would get from East London to the Science Museum for an inset day. Not with children , just grown adults travelling on public transport, during daylight hours. In the end they decided they would meet up at one of their houses and travel together, being very vigilant while the tube travelled through rougher areas in case it was swarmed by Mad Max vigilantes..........
Iwab82 · 12/02/2022 12:00

Yawn, this kind of post comes up all the time. Some smug person starts the post, then more smug people follow with self-congratulatory posts. It really makes no difference to your life, just seems like a way of putting down other 'lesser' women.

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 12:01

@viques really this just tells you how women have to constantly modify their behaviour in order to feel safe.

UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 12:03

@malificent7

Well I judge people who judge non drovers. No wonder our planet is so fucked with all the emissions if driving is seen as a life essential and a measure of not being "pathetic."
yupp. Unbelievable that posters still try to shame non drivers.
IncompleteSenten · 12/02/2022 12:03

I don't know why it's scary to admit it 😁

Out of the number of drivers who are scared or nervous of one or more elements of it - a higher percentage are women.

Out of the umber of drivers who are aggressive road raging arseholes, the higher percentage is men.

You could even argue it is related to the difference in male and female socialisation