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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
WomanLD2019 · 12/02/2022 11:26

I don't like ruffling feathers either, but I've just had to get used to sometimes doing that, in order to get on with life. If that means that I need to put up with some nasty drivers shouting at me when I drive sometimes, then so be it.

In the kindest way, good for you. Because your posts seem to be very self-congratulatory whilst pulling other women down Hmm

For what's it worth, I changed career a few years ago to become a truck driver, I love it! However, in my previous job (health), every day, I worried..to the point that I suffered anxiety. I really hope that people didn't make judgements about me, due to that.

Please don't tear other women down. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Kendodd · 12/02/2022 11:27

I also think its sets a really bad example to my children sat in the back.

BaruFisher · 12/02/2022 11:28

Not only is it not the root cause, being openly disdainful of those few women who have admitted they do fear judgement is hardly going to encourage them is it.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:28

@WomanLD2019

I don't like ruffling feathers either, but I've just had to get used to sometimes doing that, in order to get on with life. If that means that I need to put up with some nasty drivers shouting at me when I drive sometimes, then so be it.

In the kindest way, good for you. Because your posts seem to be very self-congratulatory whilst pulling other women down Hmm

For what's it worth, I changed career a few years ago to become a truck driver, I love it! However, in my previous job (health), every day, I worried..to the point that I suffered anxiety. I really hope that people didn't make judgements about me, due to that.

Please don't tear other women down. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Women tear me down all the time. Especially on here. So stop acting like you're all saints, because we all do it.
OP posts:
Appleseesaw · 12/02/2022 11:28

I tried so so hard to get on with driving. I took many tests, did PassPlus, had hypnotherapy, took a job with a lot of driving, drove at night, in the snow, abroad. I pushed myself as much as possible.
But my anxiety was getting worse. It was getting to the point where I was making myself ill with worry. So I don’t drive anymore, but I live somewhere with good public transport.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:29

@Kendodd

Yanbu I remember a few years ago chatting with a group of female friends, all drivers, they all were amazed that I share the driving when we go abroad and that my husband doesn't do it all. I don't know why their husbands put up with them not doing their share. If my husband expected me to do all the long distance, foreigner cities etc driving because he was to scared I'd be pretty pissed off.
Everyone is always amazed ! It's very common for the amazement that you have the guts to drive a car. Happens to me all the time.
OP posts:
PrettyBluebells · 12/02/2022 11:29

I'll drive anywhere and everywhere, I do find a lot of women are scared to drive, I don't think they're pathetic though, I'm sure there are loads of men who are scared too, but toxic masculinity means they have to suck it up and not show their fear. Then as time goes on they get more confident and are not as scared. Women are more willing to say they're scared and opt out, not sure which is better or worse, somewhere in the middle is probably correct, as with most things.

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 11:29

You need better friends if they’re tearing you down.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 12/02/2022 11:30

I’m sure there are some women (and some men) who are frightened of driving.

But I also think, especially on here, that many (again, not all) of the ‘I’m so anxious to drive’ OPs are written by men who’ve popped over from Pistonheads to try to wind women up.

UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 11:31

@unfeelingwife the fears you identify do exist but there are other legitimate reasons not to put another car on the road. Can't believe in this age of awareness (supposedly) women, or just people are ever pressured in to driving of all things.

We should be moving towards better public transport, safer taxis, rent/park bikes, bike lanes etc...

I think this is the way most governments are heading but individuals will still shame non-drivers!

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:31

@NightmareSlashDelightful

I’m sure there are some women (and some men) who are frightened of driving.

But I also think, especially on here, that many (again, not all) of the ‘I’m so anxious to drive’ OPs are written by men who’ve popped over from Pistonheads to try to wind women up.

Hahaha
OP posts:
Norgie · 12/02/2022 11:31

I don't know how some even managed to pass their tests.

BaruFisher · 12/02/2022 11:32

And here we come to the root cause of your attitude. You’re being defensive because you feel judged about something else and are lashing out.

Or am I just talking armchair psychology bullshit? Try listening to the many reasons posters are giving you for why they dislike driving instead of making up your own theories.

Francescaisstressed · 12/02/2022 11:34

OP I think that your projecting tbh.
You say the root cause of women not driving/being cautious is fear of being judges and I really don't think that's fair.

There are lots of reasons

  • money to learn
  • need/necessity and whether it's beneficial
-that person understanding their own limitations

I don't drive. Its not through the fear of being judged and most of the people I know who don't drive wouldn't have that issue either.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:34

@BaruFisher

And here we come to the root cause of your attitude. You’re being defensive because you feel judged about something else and are lashing out.

Or am I just talking armchair psychology bullshit? Try listening to the many reasons posters are giving you for why they dislike driving instead of making up your own theories.

We all get judged. You judge away ! I love arm chair psychology
OP posts:
ForTheHorde · 12/02/2022 11:34

Yes, it’s absolutely ‘super pathetic’ to be scared of something that DOES cause fatal accidents but it’s okay for people to have phobias of things they aren’t likely to come across like snakes.

I do drive without problem but I wouldn’t judge someone for being scared of being behind a dangerous piece of machinery because I’m not a dick.

PlanetNormal · 12/02/2022 11:35

@burnthur5t

Also, why is it that when a man and woman who both have a licence go somewhere in the car the woman always sits in the passenger seat

Why doesn't the woman ever drive!?

It's embarrassing. It's like No, you will sit there whilst I exert my dominance in this relationship

We definitely don’t do this. When we take DP’s car, he usually drives. When we take my (much nicer) car, I usually drive. It also depends on the time of day. He is a lark, so if we have an early start he drives while I try to wake up. I’m an owl, so if we are coming home late, I drive while he crashes out.
Allthekittycats · 12/02/2022 11:35

Can’t speak for anyone else but I was in a crash with fatalities when I was 12 and almost died myself, so yes I’m not a driver, I never will be and I don’t give a fuck what you or anyone else thinks about it.

UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 11:36

@Appleseesaw

I tried so so hard to get on with driving. I took many tests, did PassPlus, had hypnotherapy, took a job with a lot of driving, drove at night, in the snow, abroad. I pushed myself as much as possible. But my anxiety was getting worse. It was getting to the point where I was making myself ill with worry. So I don’t drive anymore, but I live somewhere with good public transport.
I pushed myself too hard too. I had a moment of epiphany after I passed the test finally. I'm so relieved I didn't sink all of my savings in to buying a car just because of the pressure. A lot of people were saying things like ''you won't know yourself when you can drive''. hmm After I passed the test finally, I just carried on getting the bus to work and I carried on getting the bus home from work and luckily I have money for a few luxuries. I'd never move further away from bus routes with or without a car.

Actually, the whole ''freedom'' narrative that is attached to driving. I get that feeling from being near bus routes! I feel the opposite of free knowing i'm financially responsible for a car.

But some of the women drivers who start these threads sporadically, they think that their interpretation of driving is the ONLY interpretation of driving.

Canaloha · 12/02/2022 11:36

I'd rather people who don't feel overly confident driving in certain conditions don't. I know men who don't enjoy driving new places etc but i think it's more taboo for them to admit it so they crack on, not always a good thing. Why does it bother you though, like how does it really affect your life? Confused

Catastrophejane · 12/02/2022 11:37

YANBU however….

I bet just as many men feel the same but they’d NEVER admit to being scared. More women admit to it because they’re ‘allowed’ to be nervous drivers. Blokes will either just not drive or force themselves until it’s no longer an issue…

Kendodd · 12/02/2022 11:37

The issue for me, as much as anything else, is the sex difference. It's rare for a man to say something like 'I won't drive on motorways, my wife does all that' in fact, I've never heard it. Why is that?

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 12/02/2022 11:38

I do drive but dislike it very much in unfamiliar places, motorways and partiularly when my babies were small. For me is a sensory thing. I find it incredibly stressful having to concentrate so hard for so long...if there were no other drivers on the road i'd like it a whole lot more. I push myself to do it and driven to lots of far away cities - but honestly if me and DH both get into the car, he will drive, so that has made me lazier to push through the fear

FAQs · 12/02/2022 11:38

@unfeelingwife I understand what you are saying I also unconfident drivers whatever sex shouldn’t be on the road, certainly not the motorway, it’s so bloody dangerous the middle lane and left lane drivers chugging alone at 60 in these lanes, they are as much of a danger as those driving 90. If not more especially the arseholes in the middle lane doing it, or staying there for no reason.

RampantIvy · 12/02/2022 11:38

I can understand about what it feels like to be a nervous driver. I used to be, but with the gentle encouragement from DH I drove a lot when I first passed my driving test, and now I am happy to drive anywhere on any road.

I feel that some of the problem is that far too many men won't allow their wives or partners to drive, and then when they become unable to drive the wife is unable to because she hasn't driven for many years.

I think that motorway lessons should be compulsory after passing the driving test. We women just make ourselves prisoners if we don't try to get out of our comfort zone, and my advice is to get some lessons and practice joining a dual carriageway that has slip roads, on a quiet day.

I would be stuffed if I couldn't drive on a motorway.