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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 12/02/2022 12:03

@NotNowBoris my driving instructor said she had observed that often teenagers/early 20s take to driving more readily than older people, especially those with children, and that trend is more noticeable in women. It's as if there is a defensive mode kicks in with responsibilities. Learning to drive early bypasses this as you've already built confidence by the time you're a "real grown up". This was just her theory and she admitted there were exceptions. I passed my test at 38.

Nsmum14 · 12/02/2022 12:05

My mum was my role mother growing up (as in most cases). She drove us everywhere, would happily drive 1000km to get us where we needed to be, she did 100% of the ferrying of three kids. My dad, meanwhile, was a very nervous driver, and only drove to work and back.
My mum still drives long distances now in her 70s. Dad has given up.
I've been told numerous times I'm an extremely confident driver, I simply cannot pass the driving test! So annoying. I took it 6 times, have now given up. It got too stressful.
You can't have everything in life, and I've been so lucky with other things. No independent driving for me though sadly, despite being confident behind the wheel.

Juanbablo · 12/02/2022 12:06

I don't think it's because I'm a woman but I am a nervous driver. I think it's because I learned late. I was 30 when I passe.

Francescaisstressed · 12/02/2022 12:06

@Iwab82

Yawn, this kind of post comes up all the time. Some smug person starts the post, then more smug people follow with self-congratulatory posts. It really makes no difference to your life, just seems like a way of putting down other 'lesser' women.
Yes!
viques · 12/02/2022 12:06

[quote Sprucewillis]@viques really this just tells you how women have to constantly modify their behaviour in order to feel safe. [/quote]
On the underground? At half past nine in the morning? It’s hardly walking down the high street in Kabul is it? I am all for women keeping ourselves safe, but thankfully most of us are capable of recognising levels of risk and responding appropriately.

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 12:08

@viques have you missed the recent news stories about 2 women being pushed in front of trains by men?

MakkaPakkas · 12/02/2022 12:08

It's always great to know that strangers on the internet find you pathetic because you're frightened of something so cheers for that 😂
Men tend to underestimate risk so perhaps that's why you see a gender difference OP.

viques · 12/02/2022 12:11

[quote Sprucewillis]@viques have you missed the recent news stories about 2 women being pushed in front of trains by men? [/quote]
Obviously. Have you missed all the stories about hundreds and hundreds of thousands of women travelling twice daily on public transport in complete safety?

violetmonster · 12/02/2022 12:12

@viques it would be great if no women were ever killed in broad day light but sadly it happens

Women who are victims of violent are judged for their decisions, (did she walk a safe route, was she dressed in bright colours, did she let people know where she was going)

It's bizarre to me to judge women for the choices they make to keep themselves safe

Spandang · 12/02/2022 12:12

I’m not scared of driving, I regularly drive a hundred miles a day and I’d much rather be on a motorway than driving through town.

But I drive a small car in a very bright colour. And DP has noticed when he uses my car people, usually men in vans, VW transporters, BMWs, Audis or Teslas.

And this is something I experience all of the time. I don’t think it’s because I drive a small car, I certainly don’t drive slowly, I genuinely believe it’s because I drive a car you’d look at and think belongs to a woman who won’t go very fast and will be in the way.

Now I’ve no issue with slowly taking my foot off the accelerator and going back down the gears until the arsehole behind me stops driving up my butt.

But I drive 18000 miles a year and I’m used to it. But someone who doesn’t do that, would absolutely be shook up by it and I do think that’s why women are less confident.

There’s a lot of alpha males on the road who think it’s their right to bully women off the road.

Confusedtraveler · 12/02/2022 12:12

unfeelingwife

I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it.

ok...

Think whatever you want

why should anyone give a damn about what you think? It doesn't affect them, it has no impact on anything. Thanks for sharing though Grin

Woahthehorsey · 12/02/2022 12:13

Yeah, I don't get it.

And I think discourteous and bad driving is committed fairly evenly, I don't see it as frightening though, just part of driving. It's much, much worse in Italy!

CupOfNiceTea · 12/02/2022 12:13

Honestly op.
You don’t sound right.
Why are you so mean and smug?

Footsanitiser · 12/02/2022 12:14

I think its one thing (albeit depressing),for women to adapt or alter their behaviour on their own, in an unfamiliar area or at night, but really travelling as a group on the underground in day time really isn't a huge risk. Confused

Confusedtraveler · 12/02/2022 12:14

Also, it does irritate me how much of a big deal people make out of the fact that I'm happy to drive / rent cars in other countries. Like I'm some sort of anomaly. I'm often praised for it and I just find it annoying to be praised for something so basic that I think all adults should be able to do ( aside from obviously some good reasons why you just can't drive, like a disability etc ).

but you are so AMAZING.
Truly, we are all in awe of someone like you. Give yourself a pat on the back, and well done you again.

Stressedout65 · 12/02/2022 12:14

Good for you @unfeelingwife that your so confident with driving, but who the hell are you to judge? We all have different fears to face, surely even big brave you has a fear of something? I loathe the motorway when it's busy & I loathe multiple lane carriageways coming up to roundabouts. My reaction times have got slower over the years which make me a danger to other road users. Even with the right glasses on I find the headlights of all the oncoming traffic too much. I've also suffered from labyrinthititis & vertigo which have come on while I've been driving. I've had to pull over & be rescued. I'm now deemed safe to drive but feeling very dizzy at the wheel is very dangerous & the fear has stayed with me; so don't be so quick to judge other women if they feel a bit scared. If they have anxiety about driving out of their comfort zone they are going to be a liability in heavy, fast moving traffic, so better to let another person drive.
As for changing oil etc as some pp have mentioned, I for one have no interest in doing it so my husband does it & I do jobs for him, as we're a team. Doesn't make us any less of a capable person than anyone else. We're all different so get off your high horse

Sprucewillis · 12/02/2022 12:15

@viques your misogyny is showing Grin

heyitsthistle · 12/02/2022 12:15

YANBU, OP.

icannotbebothered · 12/02/2022 12:17

I don't drive much, I can drive and do sometimes, I don't mind it but don't love it, and definitely don't love going fast (I.e motorways) but I live in London so don't really need to drive often.... but I was in a bad accident when I was 16 where everyone else I the car died and I got brain damage... so I definitely don't think it's pathetic to be scared of driving.. they're literally death machines.

I use knives daily, but knives also kind of scare me, equally, I'm a really shit swimmer so I don't really swim in deep waters cause you know.. don't wanna drown

Confusedtraveler · 12/02/2022 12:17

If only being a confident driver translated as being a GOOD driver...

kirstyalslap · 12/02/2022 12:18

Because I grew up with my dad shouting 'stupid woman driver' at everything bad. even if it was clearly a man he would shout it. Only exception is learners. and even then he bets its a girl learning.
So there's that.
Also men shouted at my mum when she would drive or park. It didn't happen everyday but it happens enough to deter her and me.

Also when my mum would drive my dad would criticise every move she made. She has her own car now.

Also I have small children and the thought of trying to concentrate while they are fucking about in the back is enough to make my heart race just thinking about it. My eldest is a right dangerous little fool- on taxis I have to order a larger one just to sit in the back because he will try to open the door or the window every time.

Finally, I live in a city with a really good public transport system. So I walk where I need to and take a bus or a train if I need to. Its easier to have never had one. I wouldn't dream of having one. The cost wouldn't be worth it. Although it would be nice to be able to go on a uk driving holiday. That's my only regret. My children have never seen the sea but we go for amazing adventures via train or bus. Never stay over night though.

kirstyalslap · 12/02/2022 12:19

I should add, my partner can't drive either and we are both pushing 30.

hangrylady · 12/02/2022 12:20

I don't know any women like this. To be honest my husband does drive when we're out together but only because I drive a lot with work and I want a break. Driving abroad when it's the right hand side though, I haven't done that and I would be very nervous, does that make me pathetic OP?

viques · 12/02/2022 12:20

[quote violetmonster]@viques it would be great if no women were ever killed in broad day light but sadly it happens

Women who are victims of violent are judged for their decisions, (did she walk a safe route, was she dressed in bright colours, did she let people know where she was going)

It's bizarre to me to judge women for the choices they make to keep themselves safe [/quote]
It is also bizarre to me to suggest that the only way women can keep themselves safe is to not travel on public transport and to avoid leaving their homes even in broad daylight.

Though of course, they are then more available to be attacked by the predators who are actually living in their homes and who statistically are far more of a danger to women than random strangers.

deeplyrooted · 12/02/2022 12:20

Oestrogen fluctuations affect anxiety among other things do it’s not surprising that women are disproportionately affected by road anxiety.

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