Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
Frezia · 12/02/2022 11:15

I used to be quite confident and drove anywhere, parked anywhere. However, that was in a country with a different direction of driving. Also, it was before I had kids. Having my kids in the car makes it harder to focus and I'm feeling more self conscious. I drive when I need to but am not in a rush when not necessary.

WhatEvenHappened44 · 12/02/2022 11:15

This is a far too judgy post OP. People are scared of what they are scared of.

I don't mind driving but always find the not driving in the dark or on motorways thing interesting as that's what I go out my way to do. Driving in the dark generally means quieter and faster. Driving on a motorway is generally a far easier drive compared to in a town/city and faster too. I'm the one actively looking for motorway routes and to drive at night because they're far easier drives imo. So I'm assuming it's just the thought of it that scares people and the lack of experience doing it. Of course i wasn't confident when I first started driving but it all comes with experience and the more one avoids something the bigger thing it becomes in their head. I would suggest going on short journeys and back to no where, like a motorway junction and back at a quieter time, just to start getting used to it and then keep increasing the distance a little bit too get confidence up to anyone who hates it.

If it's to do with lack of confidence/fear people should be encouraged not shunned and be judged like your post OP.

SpongebobsPants · 12/02/2022 11:15

Maybe women are more inclined to admit that there are aspects of driving that make them anxious, whereas men just wing it. Who knows? But calling women, or anyone, 'super pathetic' for not being like you, is 'super nasty' and glaringly lacking in empathy. Maybe you should mind your own fecking business and concentrate on your amazing driving.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:16

@Ineedshoes

I love driving. However, I get treated completely differently by road users when I’m in my fiat 500 compared to my OHs big Land Rover
Definitely. You'll get more abuse from men if you're in the Fiat. It really happens to me all the time too, depending on which car I'm in !
OP posts:
UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 11:16

The expense is another scary aspect of driving. I'd be so so so broke if I got a car.

burnthur5t · 12/02/2022 11:17

Also, why is it that when a man and woman who both have a licence go somewhere in the car the woman always sits in the passenger seat

Why doesn't the woman ever drive!?

It's embarrassing. It's like No, you will sit there whilst I exert my dominance in this relationship

minipie · 12/02/2022 11:17

I am a nervous driver.

In my case it is NOT because of fear of beinng judged or criticised.

It is because I am very aware that if I get something wrong while driving, I could seriously injure or kill someone. Including my own kids in the back.

Maybe you just give less of a shit about hurting others OP?

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 11:17

@unfeelingwife I’ve asked a couple of times.

Do you know that increased anxiety is a menopause symptom?

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:18

[quote Inspectorslack]@unfeelingwife I’ve asked a couple of times.

Do you know that increased anxiety is a menopause symptom?[/quote]
Yeah I suffer from anxiety too. Who doesn't ?

OP posts:
user33323 · 12/02/2022 11:19

I'm an adult who can't drive. Yes it's a massive fucking hindrance and I'm embarrassed about it. But I have severe ADHD and dyspraxia and very poor coordination, depth and spacial awareness, and I have always felt like I'm just going to end up killing someone on the road. I finally gave lessons a go in 2019, but only got a few lessons in before lockdown and now I've lost all my confidence again. Now you mention it, all the men in my life growing up did used to shout a lot of insulting things about female drivers. I had a boyfriend as a teenager who drove through a red light and killed a man, and I lost two friends to drink driving incidents. This was all around the age most friends were learning to drive and likely contributed to my long lasting anxiety about driving.

In every other aspect of my life I am not anxious. I roll my eyes at people with health anxiety or who panic in emergency situations. But driving is unfortunately my weakness.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:19

I get judged all the time for how I live my life. I'm pathetic too in the eyes of a lot of people. It's life isn't it.

OP posts:
Francescaisstressed · 12/02/2022 11:19

@minipie

I am a nervous driver.

In my case it is NOT because of fear of beinng judged or criticised.

It is because I am very aware that if I get something wrong while driving, I could seriously injure or kill someone. Including my own kids in the back.

Maybe you just give less of a shit about hurting others OP?

Completely agree. I work in the motor legal sector and choose not to drive because of this. I have seen people who have made reasonable manoeuvres and because the end result is a fatality, they have had their life ruined (month long police investigation, lost job etc) My partner drives, I don't. Its my choice. He learnt when he was younger I didn't because I didn't have the money. I walk to work and there is no benefit for me to drive.
Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 11:20

That’s not what I said or asked though.

I’ve always had anxiety. It ramped up massively at menopause and I was having panic attacks while driving.

It is likely that increased anxiety in menopausal women - which is a symptom of menopause - if untreated is leading to older women being more anxious driving than they previously were.

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 11:20

@unfeelingwife

I get judged all the time for how I live my life. I'm pathetic too in the eyes of a lot of people. It's life isn't it.
No. It’s not. Who is judging you and what for?

What is there to judge if someone recognises their limits and chooses not to do something that they don’t feel capable of?

BaruFisher · 12/02/2022 11:21

‘You will sit there while I exert my dominance’ because a DH is driving. Really?
I’m the one sitting on my ass reading my book while he exhausts himself driving through traffic. Not my definition of dominance…

Whammyyammy · 12/02/2022 11:21

My MIL passed her test when she was 21, buy never drove after. Was too scared too. My FIL offered all the time to take her out to build confidence, she just wasn't interested

Onlyforcake · 12/02/2022 11:22

Maybe they're also new drivers? I'm a woman I've been driving for just over 30 years and learned in a rural place before moving to London for a while. I've driven on both sides of the road, all sorts of motorways and I've navigated some hazards and incidents that made me grateful to survive I think you need to cut people some slack, for some it's a skill that comes naturally to everyone. There are less men on MN there are probably less men prepared to admit they struggled or even still do. I think your Jeremy attitude is ridiculous.

Onlyforcake · 12/02/2022 11:23

*not a skill that comes naturally

Babyroobs · 12/02/2022 11:23

I struggle with motorways. I think it stems from a nasty accident that I experienced on the M1 many years ago. I tend to have anxiety attacks with motorway driving. I'm ok otherwise though. I don't like night time driving, too many idiots on the roads.

Pyewhacket · 12/02/2022 11:23

The number of women I see driving like complete and utter fannies, dithering and fart-arsing around. No wonder men and other women get so pissed off.

I was waiting for my daughter and watching a woman trying to park. She spent a good 5 minutes buggering about , in and out, and on the final attempy she went straight into the car next to her, BANG !. She then back out again and drove off. I left a note under the wiper and also mentioned that car park had CCT. And then there's the school near me. Watching women trying to moor their Chelsea Tractors is hilarious.

So don't come on here with that tired old bollocks about it's all down to men, because it isn't. And as you've had " a few accidents" yourself perhaps you'd better have a word with yourself, or take your test again !..

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 11:23

@Inspectorslack I could give you a list, but I won't. I just think that in a lot of cases ( not all ), the root cause women don't like driving, is what I disagree with. Ie: being scared not to be perfect and being judged.

OP posts:
UserBot9to5 · 12/02/2022 11:24

I find some adults' fear of public transport a bit pathetic!! I'd never say that though. Each to their own. If you want to spend every cent you have running a car when there are three bus routes you could use, do it!

I got a taxi home from pub last night (work do) and a few people asked ''how much is that!?''. cheaper than running a car. However extravagant I am with taxis, even if I end up getting two a month, it still doesn't come close to running a car.

Inspectorslack · 12/02/2022 11:24

[quote unfeelingwife]@Inspectorslack I could give you a list, but I won't. I just think that in a lot of cases ( not all ), the root cause women don't like driving, is what I disagree with. Ie: being scared not to be perfect and being judged. [/quote]
That is not the root cause in many cases.

bigbluebus · 12/02/2022 11:26

I had been driving for 34 years without incident until one day I had a panic attack on a motorway (probably related to other stuff going on in my life at the time). In spite of having CBT I have been unable to drive on motorways or busy dual carriageways since. It is quite limiting as I always have to find routes I am happy to drive on but I'm not sure what you expect me to do about it. I'd love to be able to drive anywhere again - my fear and panic is totally illogical. I'm a safe and good driver but now have to limit myself. So glad you are lucky enough to be confident to drive anywhere - I really wish I was again - but be mindful of the fact that I too never thought I'd be in this position!

Kendodd · 12/02/2022 11:26

Yanbu
I remember a few years ago chatting with a group of female friends, all drivers, they all were amazed that I share the driving when we go abroad and that my husband doesn't do it all. I don't know why their husbands put up with them not doing their share. If my husband expected me to do all the long distance, foreigner cities etc driving because he was to scared I'd be pretty pissed off.