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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
LittleBitHeiressLittleBitIris · 18/03/2022 21:02

@ButterflyBitch

I know so many men who are scared of spiders. Why don’t they man up? Why can’t they confidently face a teeny tiny spider? Who the fuck are you to judge what other people are afraid of? What a judgemental horrible post.
Being afraid of a spider is unlikely to cause a (potentially fatal) accident though...
soulinablackberrypie · 18/03/2022 21:06

I’m scared of driving. I’m generally a very uncoordinated person. That makes something like driving pretty difficult. Especially in busy cities where getting anywhere means crossing several lanes at speed when no bugger will let you out. It’s not because I’m a woman. It’s because I’m me.

I think you are me. I've described my problem with driving as being just like being dyspraxic, but only when I'm at the wheel of a car. And no, I'll never cause a fatal accident, because I don't drive any more through choice. I know my limitations. And I don't constantly scrounge lifts either. I walk a lot, but if I have to accept a lift, I'll offer someone in return.

soulinablackberrypie · 18/03/2022 21:07

Something in return. OK, maybe I'm dyspraxic when I'm typing sometimes too.

bozzabollix · 19/03/2022 06:54

I can’t believe the amount of people taking shit off men for their driving. My husband and I generally like to go on at each other (I’m a shocking backseat driver, I’m aware I need to get a grip), but it’s mainly good natured ribbing. No way would I have him seriously whinging on about me being a bad driver, I’d tell him to fuck off out of the car and walk.

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been brought up by a very arsey woman, my Dad just would never go there.

It’s important to do half of the driving because one day either one of you could be gone, and the other needs to carry on with life and have some independence.

QuebecBagnet · 19/03/2022 07:03

I’m a confident driver. Have been driving for 30 years and frequently make long solo trips, including towing a caravan. Have driven in France, Mexico, Tenerife, all on my own.

However I’m no longer confident driving at night but that’s purely a vision issue. I used to be fine. Not sure I can do anything about it. If I can’t see then I can’t see.

Stone278 · 19/03/2022 07:10

I don't drive. Have no intention of doing so. I was in an accident when I was 11. I ended up with serious injuries, in hospital, out of education for a while, and still bear the physical scars 30 years later. I've tried to drive but can't do so safely, because of the fear of doing to someone else what someone did to me. Hope that doesn't sound too super pathetic.

TreesoftheField · 19/03/2022 07:13

Perhaps not the same issue in US because their driving test is much easier.
It's genuinely difficult to pass the test here and many of us do it as teenagers and get a lot of stick if we fail.
I do think the male commentator thing exists - I am a confident driver and had done lots of solo long distance trips before meeting my partner, never had any accidents. But he can't relax when I'm driving, insists on being a sort of Co pilot, checking mirrors, telling me I'm too close to the car in front. Then doesn't understand why that makes me so angry!

Libertybear80 · 19/03/2022 07:23

I'm a confident women driver. My SIL took her test 30 years ago and still won't drive on motorways. I think it's a bit ridiculous to be honest! She will take a much longer car trip to avoid them which probably increases her chances of having an accident!

ScrumpyBetty · 19/03/2022 07:50

I'm a confident driver. I drive a lot and am not scared of anything, will drive anywhere/ use motorways etc.

I'm not slow either, however on my commute back from work I normally get men tailgating me and it drives me mad! I go about 50-6mph, twisty rural roads, obviously I slow down if there's a bend but I know I'm not slow. The bloody men drivers just are so bloody impatient and some of them wouldn't be happy unless I was going 70mph, which wouldn't be safe on those country roads.

Abaababa · 19/03/2022 07:55

You know what you can ‘woman up’ with, OP, is your pathetic judgey attitude. You seem to lack empathy, critical thinking and rational thought, woman up on those areas and then talk to the world about your supposed driving prowess at the expense of others.

crossstitchingnana · 19/03/2022 07:58

I have driven for 35 years and only had a couple of parking scrapes. However, now menopausal and I can feel the brain fog sometimes. My mum stopped driving a couple of years ago due to making a couple of silly errors. I fear going the same way. I just push on through.

Squidthing · 19/03/2022 08:19

I'm a nervous driver, don't do it enough. Also my step dad died in a car crash and he considered himself a good driver - we believe he fell asleep at the wheel and ended up under a truck so I don't think my fear is irrational. I'm thinking about getting hypnotherapy to try and control it - I used to enjoy driving when younger.

Doglikeahorse · 19/03/2022 08:39

I’m fine driving places I know but I hate driving new places.
I also find driving on motorways in the dark really disorienting. The one near me has no lights and it’s really blinding having the lights coming towards me.

I’m actually a really experienced driver, I can drive big horseboxes and trailers no problem and do manage to park etc easily but I do not enjoy it.

Siameasy · 19/03/2022 08:40

I was frightened of driving but I’m not ashamed of being fearful because that’s an involuntary response and conditioning.

My mum was a nervous driver and my dad would often shout at her and criticise which made things worse. Men feel they are the experts at driving, the default driver. If we make mistakes we’re a “woman driver”; they just get to be “drivers”.

I faced my fears and learned to drive. Some journeys make me nervous-my fear is often around getting lost as I struggle with Sat Navs. However, I still do it anyway which is what being brave is about.

DH has tried to criticise me if I make a mistake - he gets told to F off.

CharSiu · 19/03/2022 09:45

@Siameasy I totally get the comment about how men will use that crappy old trope that we have messed up because were women. All humans mess up occasionally. It’s nothing to do with being a woman.

I have never accepted this and when I was young it was totally in your face, it’s still there but hidden more cleverly sometimes.

@Silverswirl I couldn’t agree more with your comment. I realised early on how men tried to crush us. But I had an incredibly strong Mother who would stand up to any man. I saw her take on a group of male teens when I was about 10 who were verbally abusing a woman with disabilities in a cafe.

Grapewrath · 19/03/2022 09:56

I choose not to drive- I don’t enjoy it so therefore I don’t do it. I’m well connected via public transport and can walk to the city centre easily. I don’t rely on anyone else.
Some people are way over invested in what other people do

Ratpatootie · 19/03/2022 15:08

Those of us that can drive have all taken a test and passed by a professional driving examiner and thus have gained our licenses. I have been driving all over for well over 20 years with no points, endorsements, or accidents. But you wouldn't know that just by a split second of me driving by.

We don't need the likes of you to inform us if we are "good drivers" or not.

soulinablackberrypie · 19/03/2022 21:28

It’s important to do half of the driving because one day either one of you could be gone, and the other needs to carry on with life and have some independence.

I already have a lot of independence walking and using public transport. I don't intend that to change when my husband dies.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/03/2022 21:44

I suspect that most women are perfectly confident drivers - but because they don’t go round announcing their confidence, it looks as if there are lots of women who are scared to drive - if 99 women are happy to drive but say nothing about it, and 1 isn’t, and speaks out about being scared of driving, the scared non-driver will be more prominent.

I also think that it is far less acceptable for a man to say he doesn’t like driving or is scared of it (because it is supposedly a ‘manly’ skill, and because men are simply not allowed to feel scared), so it will look as if it’s only women who are unconfident/scared drivers.

It can become a bit circular too - if you are irritated by something, you will be hyper aware of every example of it - so @unfeelingwife will notice every instance of women saying they are scared of driving, where someone else might be oblivious.

I wasn’t a confident driver - partly because I learned relatively late - but I had to get on with it, because I needed to get to places. I don’t like driving at night because I find the headlights of oncoming cars really dazzling - but if I have to drive at night, I get on with it. But when I’m in the car with dh, he drives because he hates being driven (not just by me, or by women, but by anyone), and I’m happy to sit back and be driven.

venusmay · 19/03/2022 21:53

YANBU I have a friend who cannot drive on motorways and dual carriageways as she says she leaves confidence. This means her dh has to drive her and the dcs most places. If we want to meet anywhere we can't just have a girls get together because her dh is usually there. He's very dull.

I really don't understand how my friend can live her life like this? Its also a pretty crap message to her dds as it is telling them that need to rely on a man all the time.

venusmay · 19/03/2022 21:53

*lacks

berlinbabylon · 20/03/2022 17:58

@venusmay

YANBU I have a friend who cannot drive on motorways and dual carriageways as she says she leaves confidence. This means her dh has to drive her and the dcs most places. If we want to meet anywhere we can't just have a girls get together because her dh is usually there. He's very dull.

I really don't understand how my friend can live her life like this? Its also a pretty crap message to her dds as it is telling them that need to rely on a man all the time.

Well why not meet up somewhere accessible by A roads?
berlinbabylon · 20/03/2022 18:00

@Libertybear80

I'm a confident women driver. My SIL took her test 30 years ago and still won't drive on motorways. I think it's a bit ridiculous to be honest! She will take a much longer car trip to avoid them which probably increases her chances of having an accident!
Perhaps, but if I drive on A roads and have an accident it will probably be someone else's fault.

If I drive on a motorway and have an accident because I get sweaty palms and my hands get slippery, that will be mine, and much more likely. So I stick to A roads wherever possible.

XelaM · 20/03/2022 18:04

I'm very confident driving and so is my mum. We've been driving for decades in multiple countries. I also don't get why some women would be scared to drive when literally any idiot manages to do it 🤷‍♀️

XelaM · 20/03/2022 18:05

But what's difficult about motoways? All you have to do is go straight?! Country roads are much scarier