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Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
frazzledali · 15/02/2022 13:38

I bloody wish I could. I've had so many lessons. I gave up about 10 years ago after my (fifth) instructor told me he thought I was wasting my money. He said he'd never said that to anyone before.

I started lessons again last year with the intention of giving it one last go and I just... couldn't do it. I did ok in the lessons but some things I just really struggle with. I'm mildly dyspraxic but it rarely affects me day to day - but I just cannot do fairly basic things with driving. I can't ride a bike either. It's so frustrating.

But I don't really care what rude cunts think of me so...

fuckoffImcounting · 15/02/2022 14:10

Its a bit feeble to regard your driving ability as such a great thing. Carry on driving and the climate crisis will engulf us all the faster.

Trinacham · 15/02/2022 14:48

But I don't really care what rude cunts think of me so...
👏
Agreed. I don't like women who critisize other women and who try to make them feel like failures. Women should try to build each other up. Not call them pathetic..

ForeverSingle881 · 15/02/2022 15:25

Fuck you. I left the UK last year to move to a new country where driving is essential. You literally are stranded here without a car, no ubers, only expensive taxis. I had to learn how to drive overnight and, while I did learn fast and I do drive every day, it's so fucking scary. Just last week a massive lorry ran a red light and almost killed the people in the car in front of me.

I also have the attention span of a nut so my mind drifts very often unless I make a massive effort. Driving even for 10 minutes is an enormous effort for me. I just go in la la land, it's how my brain works. I have to work so so hard to drive home safely every day, it's exhausting!

If I had the option of public transport, I would always 100% take it. Driving is fucking scary. People just gloss over it because they're used to it.

And my mum is and always has been the driver of the family, my dad is shit scared of driving because his brain works like mine, he says he's not safe to drive. So this isn't some female learned helplessness.

mathanxiety · 15/02/2022 16:34

@starhamster - why do you say some people are 'naturally' better at it?

And why do American women and women from other parts of the world not feel it's ok to say they are afraid of driving/ night driving/ highway driving?

starhamster · 15/02/2022 16:45

Well I'm not pretending to find driving hard, I found learning to drive really hard, why would I lie about that? It's shit! I hate that I find it difficult.

I've no idea what American women say, and driving in America is a massively varied experience so I guess it would depend on where you live as to how you feel about it.

starhamster · 15/02/2022 16:46

Maybe some men find driving hard but find it difficult to admit that. My mum has always done most of the driving, my dad is much more anxious on the road than her.

mathanxiety · 15/02/2022 18:41

@cheekyasfish - you have to make really quick decisions and judgements at 70+...

Every time you go out in the car?

You pay attention to everything going on around you and the general atmosphere on the road as a matter of course, surely? So while you can sometimes be surprised, it shouldn't happen every single time you are out driving and you should be making decisions almost automatically.

Making decisions at various speeds is what driving is. What do driving lessons consist of in the UK?

Skydaze · 15/02/2022 18:43

For pp who just cannot imagine why someone may not be able to drive at night, try having headaches and migraines triggered by strong changing or moving lights. Oncoming headlights on unlit highways inevitably lead to me feeling carsick and usually a headache, some of which are so bad they can take me out for an entire day or two afterwards. Would you pay that price to prove your worth as a female?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/02/2022 18:48

@frazzledali

I bloody wish I could. I've had so many lessons. I gave up about 10 years ago after my (fifth) instructor told me he thought I was wasting my money. He said he'd never said that to anyone before.

I started lessons again last year with the intention of giving it one last go and I just... couldn't do it. I did ok in the lessons but some things I just really struggle with. I'm mildly dyspraxic but it rarely affects me day to day - but I just cannot do fairly basic things with driving. I can't ride a bike either. It's so frustrating.

But I don't really care what rude cunts think of me so...

Did you learn in a manual or auto? I ask because my instructor told me to swap to auto because I simply couldn't do it all at once. I am a mostly confident auto driver now.
Silverswirl · 15/02/2022 18:52

@THisbackwithavengeance

Because their DHs do the real driving on the big roads and they just pop to the shops, do the school runs, and occasionally drive home when the DH fancies a drink.

So they lose any confidence they had in themselves in the 1st place and their skills become diminished due to lack of practice.

I agree OP. It irritates me how the default position in most couples is for the man to drive.

Uuugh this. I know many women who won’t drive on the motorway. The problem is that it then restricts them in every day life when their husband is at work. They rely on their husband to do all the main and linger distance driving. Women are often astounded that I take my kids to further afield places on my own. You are so brave, I could never do that, they say. But why not? What annoys me is that so many women just lack confidence. The man takes over the driving and put the woman’s driving down or won’t be a helpful polite passenger so ends up driving all longer distances. Then the women looses her confidence. How many times does the man actually say- why don’t you drive today on a longer journey and actually be a supportive non critical passenger.
sabs22 · 16/02/2022 14:50

I guess you just never know peoples different circumstances. Some people are naturally anxious. I’ve been a very confident driver for 16 years, I drive for work, think nothing about driving long distances myself, prefer driving to being a passenger so am usually designated driver. However I was in an accident a few weeks ago and although it hasn’t stopped me driving, I have become a lot more anxious, particularly about having other people in the car especially babies/children. The accident wasn’t my fault but I keep thinking about what could have happened if I did have a baby in the back. I know it’s just a case of rebuilding my confidence, I work know mental health so I know all the techniques and strategies to use. This may not be so easy for others who don’t have that knowledge, or had more severe injuries etc. I don’t think it’s as black and white as being able to ‘woman up’. I also know plenty men who are not confident drivers for many different reasons. It’s not a one size fits all thing.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/02/2022 15:05

@Silverswirl I can't drive at all and I'm a single parent so no DH to drive me around, I take my child all over the place on public transport. It's only restrictive if you want it to be.

sanbeiji · 16/02/2022 15:10

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@Silverswirl I can't drive at all and I'm a single parent so no DH to drive me around, I take my child all over the place on public transport. It's only restrictive if you want it to be.[/quote]
Correction: ‘only if you live somewhere with good public transport’.
Please explain how it’s not restrictive when your only option is one bus every two hours or an hourly train that’s always 15 mins late at least

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/02/2022 15:15

@sanbeiji yes, although if you choose to live somewhere with bad public transport then being able to drive is necessary really. As someone who has no intention of learning to drive, I wouldn't live somewhere where I couldn't easily get around on trains or buses.

Opus17 · 16/02/2022 15:19

Horrible little person

CounsellorTroi · 16/02/2022 15:35

I lack confidence generally but not about driving. Having satnav and driving an auto makes a difference.

ISaySteadyOn · 16/02/2022 15:49

[quote mathanxiety]@starhamster - why do you say some people are 'naturally' better at it?

And why do American women and women from other parts of the world not feel it's ok to say they are afraid of driving/ night driving/ highway driving?[/quote]
Because if, like me, you have the audacity to admit that you have intersecting disabilities that mean you can't drive, you're made to feel like shit and as though you are a worthless person. It's one of the reasons I left the States.

At least here the OP acknowledges disabilities as a factor for some people in not driving.

OverCCCs · 16/02/2022 16:19

I’m amazed some of the posters on this thread can function as independent adults given their apparent inability to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. Can you not hold down a job, go to the movies, heck, even keep watch over your small children? “Silly me, I’m so flighty and absent-minded!”

There’s also a shocking number of people suffering from dyspraxia…

sanbeiji · 16/02/2022 16:19

@ISaySteadyOn

Of course only anecdotal evidence. But men tend to be the 'default' driver, and admin of all things car related. Although the woman is more likely to be primary carer and so use the family car!

This was what I was interested in. In my experience men tend to be very critical of women driving, that and car culture is still masculine.

The OP has been rude, yes. But I interpreted her question as the number of women who just don't LIKE driving. Not about people in general.
The majority of the replies have been from people with disabilities. Not many have stepped up and honestly said 'yes, I can drive, but I don't like it so I prefer DP driving'. A few have admitted to being anxious on roads.

It's more of an interesting question for me...

mathanxiety · 16/02/2022 16:22

I’m amazed some of the posters on this thread can function as independent adults given their apparent inability to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. Can you not hold down a job, go to the movies, heck, even keep watch over your small children?

Agree.

mathanxiety · 16/02/2022 16:31

if, like me, you have the audacity to admit that you have intersecting disabilities that mean you can't drive, you're made to feel like shit and as though you are a worthless person.

I'm not going to argue with your personal experiences.

However, I have five DCs over age 19, only two of whom currently drive and have their own cars, in the US.

The drivers, aged 31 and 28, both went without cars until quite recently. They could get around perfectly well without cars. Both now need them. Neither of them were ever told in any way that they were worthless people because of using public transport/Ubers.

The other three would need a little practice before getting behind the wheel. I would insist on it since the car they would be driving is mine. It's been a while since they have driven.

ShiftingSands21 · 16/02/2022 16:44

*I’m amazed some of the posters on this thread can function as independent adults given their apparent inability to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. Can you not hold down a job, go to the movies, heck, even keep watch over your small children? “Silly me, I’m so flighty and absent-minded!”

There’s also a shocking number of people suffering from dyspraxia…*

I’m not even sure what this post means but I am sure that it’s grim.

If you’re amazed that lots of people have dyspraxia then can I suggest that you have a read about dyspraxia.

OverCCCs · 16/02/2022 16:51

@ShiftingSands21

*I’m amazed some of the posters on this thread can function as independent adults given their apparent inability to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. Can you not hold down a job, go to the movies, heck, even keep watch over your small children? “Silly me, I’m so flighty and absent-minded!”

There’s also a shocking number of people suffering from dyspraxia…*

I’m not even sure what this post means but I am sure that it’s grim.

If you’re amazed that lots of people have dyspraxia then can I suggest that you have a read about dyspraxia.

Yes, I will have to do some research. I’m especially curious about the environmental factors that are apparently leading to much more severe cases of dyspraxia in the UK (as evidenced by all these poor women who couldn’t possibly possibly drive) compared to most other peer countries.
Silverswirl · 16/02/2022 16:53

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@Silverswirl I can't drive at all and I'm a single parent so no DH to drive me around, I take my child all over the place on public transport. It's only restrictive if you want it to be.[/quote]
Wouldn’t work here I’m afraid and I live in a pretty busy area of the SE.
You can get a bus to town and back (every 1/2 hour and takes 1/2 hour, but all of the actives I know of arnt in town as that would be too expensive for the hall hire / venue hire.
Everything here is out of town. In big warehouse type places, or swimming pools out of town.
It’s half term here and I’ve driven my kids to a different place every day for fun days out and activities or to meet friends. Literally not one single thing we’ve done could realistically be reached on public transport - it would take a whole morning just to get there. And with 3 kids that’s just never happening.
So what these women do, is stay very local or not bother at all or wait for their partner to take them out.
It’s extremely restrictive and the people missing out are the kids, who have no say in the abilities of their parents to drive.
Doesn’t matter so much when the kids are little but mine are 10-12 and I can tell you, it matters now.