Page 24 | Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

unfeelingwife · 2022-02-12T10:11:38+00:00

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers. What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc. Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around.... Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

RampantIvy · 13/02/2022 13:07

I forgot to say that on a recent thread there were some very scathing remarks about drivers who use a satnav to negotiate their way around a busy city centre when all they have to do is pull up (where?) and memorise the roads on a map

Trinacham · 13/02/2022 13:29

YABU

people can't help what they are afraid of. You're saying it as though they are just being lazy (I am a woman who drives, and always offer to be the designated driver, even though I'm not confident driving to where I don't know)..

Original poster

unfeelingwife · 13/02/2022 13:43

@Trinacham

YABU

people can't help what they are afraid of. You're saying it as though they are just being lazy (I am a woman who drives, and always offer to be the designated driver, even though I'm not confident driving to where I don't know)..

I think it's socially acceptable to be afraid of some things but not other things though. And that makes the fear worse. If everyone is scared, no one has to push through it.

OP posts:

starhamster · 13/02/2022 14:46

Is that women are pathetic or that most men are overconfident?

Just like men going for jobs that they are unqualified for whereas women will shy away from roles where they do not meet the whole person specification.

I think it's quite dismissive to label it as "pathetic" and not think more about why it is that women are more cautious drivers, a lot of it is surely down to social conditioning.

TatianaBis · 13/02/2022 14:57

I don't think over-confidence is the same as lack of anxiety.

I do think men are generally less fearful of driving, (not denying that some individual men may be anxious), of these some are overconfident (particularly when young) and some are entirely sensible.

I don't know whether the fear in women is innate or conditioned or a combination of the two.

Trinacham · 13/02/2022 15:25

@unfeelingwife well is everyone scared of it? No. Are you frightened of anything? I wouldn't say being afraid of something is socially unacceptable. Who gets to choose what is OK and what isn't? There are people who are afraid of leaving their homes.. how do you feel about them? It must be awful for them to live with that fear. Nobody wants to be afraid and it's not something people have power over. Maybe I have more empathy than you as I do get anxious about certain situations. I still do most things that scare me, but doesn't stop me feeling that way.

iwishu · 13/02/2022 15:36

Confident woman driver here, up and down motorways all the time, I have to drive for my job.
I never realised there were women afraid of driving although come to think of it I've had older generation of my family surprised when I drove myself to a family gathering and they even said shouldn't your husband of drove you here 😂 that was a few hours away, I was a bit bewildered why they thought that in this day and age.

I known some men that have not done driving lessons due to fear.

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2022 15:41

*Eh? Why? Because driving in this country in unenjoyable and can be actively dangerous so it can be natural to avoid it as much as possible.

Unfortunately it is one of the skills that does require repeated practice, especially motorway driving so then it all becomes a bit of a vicious circle.

Plus some of us are often dealing with enough family/work/health stress that we dont want to add another one in when it isnt necessary.*

Agree. I know how to drive but dislike it and have no reason to do it. I also rather not have the extra expenses and responsibilities that come with it.

We live in a place with a lot of amenities and one of its major selling points was that a car wasn’t necessary. If something were to happen to either of us where we became disabled or we get to an age where our eyesight, reaction times, etc are failing us, it wouldn’t be a massive transition to not be able to use a car.

Original poster

unfeelingwife · 13/02/2022 15:54

[quote Trinacham]@unfeelingwife well is everyone scared of it? No. Are you frightened of anything? I wouldn't say being afraid of something is socially unacceptable. Who gets to choose what is OK and what isn't? There are people who are afraid of leaving their homes.. how do you feel about them? It must be awful for them to live with that fear. Nobody wants to be afraid and it's not something people have power over. Maybe I have more empathy than you as I do get anxious about certain situations. I still do most things that scare me, but doesn't stop me feeling that way.[/quote]
I'm definitely afraid of things that most people would find a bit pathetic. Some fears are a bit silly. Like fearing of ghosts for example, isn't really socially acceptable to most people. Not that I actually fear ghosts, but I did have a bit of a phase about stuff like that and my boyfriend at the time thought I was psychotic. I wasn't at all. It's just different beliefs, but to most people it's absolutely ridiculous.

Fear of flying is also a bit to most people. I used to have a fear of flying, but did it a lot anyway and got over it. Some people told me it was absolutely ridiculous and I needed to woman up and they were right. Total overestimation of risk.

As for people who actually can't leave their house and have pathological fears, that's different. I have pathological fears too. I have some that make it hard for me to be outside in summer and I have had all sorts of reactions to it. It's embarrassing. Not everyone understands and I live with that fact of life.

Some people think I'm a pathetic loser ( including many on this thread ) and I live with it. Not everyone understands everyone.

OP posts:

Gherkingreen · 13/02/2022 16:02

I've been driving for nearly 30, no accidents in that time. I consider myself a good, capable, competent, confident driver, but I generally don't enjoy being on the roads. And that's not because I'm a woman, it's because I experience what I consider so many impatient, arrogant, self centered, dangerous, inconsiderate arseholes on the roads, and it's getting worse.

Original poster

unfeelingwife · 13/02/2022 16:03

@Gherkingreen

I've been driving for nearly 30, no accidents in that time. I consider myself a good, capable, competent, confident driver, but I generally don't enjoy being on the roads. And that's not because I'm a woman, it's because I experience what I consider so many impatient, arrogant, self centered, dangerous, inconsiderate arseholes on the roads, and it's getting worse.

Ignore them

OP posts:

ButterflyBitch · 13/02/2022 16:06

@burnthur5t

Also, why is it that when a man and woman who both have a licence go somewhere in the car the woman always sits in the passenger seat

Why doesn't the woman ever drive!?

It's embarrassing. It's like No, you will sit there whilst I exert my dominance in this relationship

Dh and I take turns. So I don’t relate to this. I do the main bulk of the driving on long journeys because we normally take his car and I enjoy driving it. He’s quite happy to give up the wheel.

Riverlee · 13/02/2022 16:11

I’m quite happy to be ‘super pathetic’ and not drive on motorways. I do drive in the dark, but don’t really like it.

I think I’M a better driver for recognising my limits. Driving on motorways or fast dual carriageways have given me panic attacks in the past. By avoiding them, and driving on roads I feel comfortable with, I’m a much better and more confident driver.

To quay pet a poster above, bully for you.

Riverlee · 13/02/2022 16:11

Quote a poster

northernsquirrel · 13/02/2022 16:18

It doesn't help that we don't learn to drive on motorways when taking lessons in this country. To some people they probably remain 'scary' and they must plan routes to avoid them.

YANBU in that all drivers should be confident to drive anywhere if they are going to drive. I need to drive for my job and that has made me learn to drive in any conditions and road type. I also drive a decent sized car so I don't get pushed around!

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 16:29

@Gherkingreen

I've been driving for nearly 30, no accidents in that time. I consider myself a good, capable, competent, confident driver, but I generally don't enjoy being on the roads. And that's not because I'm a woman, it's because I experience what I consider so many impatient, arrogant, self centered, dangerous, inconsiderate arseholes on the roads, and it's getting worse.

Really, though? Or is it selection bias? As a learner (and now newly passed) I had my fair share of idiots. HOWEVER an equal number of people have also been helpful, I’ve only been beeped at twice for stalling/slowness (once on my test!) and been let out on quite a few junctions.

I don’t know whether it’s my area ; middle class suburb, plenty have kids learning to drive so are more mindful. There’s always an L plate (or two) on the road.

Maybe I’m just new and naive. Although most of my lessons took place in heavy work traffic it’s a lot lighter in covid times…

sanbeiji · 13/02/2022 16:34

@Riverlee

I’m quite happy to be ‘super pathetic’ and not drive on motorways. I do drive in the dark, but don’t really like it.

I think I’M a better driver for recognising my limits. Driving on motorways or fast dual carriageways have given me panic attacks in the past. By avoiding them, and driving on roads I feel comfortable with, I’m a much better and more confident driver.

To quay pet a poster above, bully for you.

It’s strange actually. speed is scary, but it’s actually easier. I’ve just been on a couple of huge dual carriageways . Clear road, you can see everything, slip roads etc obvious so although merging takes some skill it’s not that hard.

Compared to the narrow, potholed roads I’d just come off with junctions appearing very quickly. Or city roads with all manner of dreamy pedestrians/scooters/haphazard parking /god knows what other hazards. Also faded double mini roundabouts which the majority of people driver over because they don’t realise it’s there!

mathanxiety · 14/02/2022 04:20

@starhamster, men applying for jobs for which they are underqualified and women carefully checking job descriptions to be sure they are not applying for jobs they are not qualified for is a universal thing.

Women telling people they are nervous drivers is a very British trait. This makes me think it's a result of conditioning.

Kgutdfn · 14/02/2022 06:59

Is this a wind up?!!

Onthegrid · 14/02/2022 07:18

I used to like driving, and have been doing it for over 30 years in cities, motorways and any type of road. There is nowhere I wouldn’t drive although I don’t plan long distance drives in the dark as it isn’t enjoyable and usually not necessary.

However my DH thinks he is the superior driver and for long distance drives together we use his car as it is better, if he wants to drive I don’t fight for it as I am happy to be a passenger. I can and do drive his car when needed and that is certainly not so he can have a drink when we go out!

Hippophile · 14/02/2022 07:20

Well obviously you’re trying to get a rise out of some of your audience but personally, I love driving, I’m very good at it, and unlike you, OP, I’ve never been involved in an accident or even a bump or a scrape. The fact that you’ve been involved in a ‘few’ accidents is rather concerning!

I think you should look at yourself and think about why you’ve been party to so many road incidents before criticising others 😮 very worrying for me as a regular road user

sanbeiji · 14/02/2022 09:00

[quote mathanxiety]@starhamster, men applying for jobs for which they are underqualified and women carefully checking job descriptions to be sure they are not applying for jobs they are not qualified for is a universal thing.

Women telling people they are nervous drivers is a very British trait. This makes me think it's a result of conditioning.[/quote]
Yep it’s not just about driving is it? It can be a ‘badge of honour’ to be nervous.
Unlike me, I happily apply for everything . Worst they can say is no

Skydaze · 14/02/2022 09:05

I'm not entirely sure why it bothers you or why it matters - if anything people who don't drive and walk everywhere are probably way fitter and more environmentally friendly than those who do

I wasn't a natural driver, I learnt late and more slowly than my friends. But I'm competent and drive most places when I need to. The key word being 'need'. I don't drive for the heck of it and don't particularly enjoy it when I do - it's a means to an end. DH does the long trips because he genuinely enjoys driving and I can't be arsed, I much prefer fiddling on my phone, reading, chatting with the kids, staring out the window and savouring my coffee. It's downtime for me while driving feels like yet another chore on an overloaded list. I have zero shame that DH mostly drives when we're together and find it bizarre that anyone else would care. I do a shitload for my family and my work, why shouldn't I get to abdicate something and grab downtime when it's available? This idea that women have to prove they can do stuff by doing literally everything all the freaking time is deeply oppressive and helps no-one.

Oh one other note. I grew up on a bad corner of rural highway - 40+ serious crashes and 7 fatalities on your doorstep, dazed survivors sipping tea at your house waiting for ambulances and your parents coming back from assisting all bloody does tend to make you more cautious. It's for this reason I don't drive at night in the country, I find headlight glare difficult to manage even as a passenger and I've seen far too many crashes - the vast majority at night on a badly lit highway at speed - to put myself and others in danger by ignoring my limitations out of some misguided notion that I need to "woman up" and pretend to be perfect.

ChristopherTracy · 14/02/2022 10:10

Its rather like putting the bins out - of course I can and I have but I'd rather not - does that mean I have a deep seated fear of it? No, its just a shit job and I'd rather someone else did it.

If I had buckets of cash I would have a chauffeur!

lampygirl · 14/02/2022 12:46

I think too many people maybe see driving as a right. I have no issue at all with someone who says 'my eyesight is not up to it, or my concentration or info processing is not up to it, so I won't drive, won't own a car, won't get a driving licence. That is a sensible and reasonable decision.

What I don't get is those who continue to drive whilst being terrified or unsuited to it and just sort of giggling it off 'oh I can't possibly reverse into that parking space I have to get a man (always a man) to do it', or 'I can't drive in unknown areas, only the same 4 routes'. It's because just like the first people you are not able to fully control and understand the movements of the car and not able to process information coming at you fast enough to act safely on it. This makes you unsafe, as it means ultimately you can't process info quick enough for the routes you play back by memory either so if something were to change on that route like you being diverted onto a major A road off your comfy residential streets you'd be stuck causing havoc.