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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 13/02/2022 11:32

I drive every day for my job,the majority drivers going too slow, waiting for an age at junctions, stopping on main roads to wave ppl out, are women.
It only serves to perpetuate the image of the ditsy woman driver.

iwanttobeonleave · 13/02/2022 11:47

I don't know any scared women drivers? This is not a thing in my world!

Momicrone · 13/02/2022 11:55

One, it sounds like you want everyone to dance to the beat of your drum

blurpinkyellow · 13/02/2022 11:58

I think it's super pathetic to be honest to not be able to drive properly. I do judge people who can't. I don't care what you think of that. I get judged every day for things I do. This one I find super pathetic and I think women need to get on with it.

Couldn't agree more OP.

Momicrone · 13/02/2022 12:13

Do you know how many women I know say they won't cycle because they're too scared? Are they super pathetic as well?

lucylucyapplejuicy · 13/02/2022 12:15

I'm one of these women! Won't drive on the motorway or anywhere I don't know the way to. Really wish I could break through whatever it is holding me back but I'm just terrified Blush

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 13/02/2022 12:24

@Momicrone

Do you know how many women I know say they won't cycle because they're too scared? Are they super pathetic as well?
Yeah some may consider it that way. I am probably not the keenest cyclist, some may think that's pathetic- so ?
OP posts:
Nidan2Sandan · 13/02/2022 12:25

Driving on a motorway is so much easier than driving through towns or cities. I dont understand the fear.

MollyQueenOfSocks · 13/02/2022 12:26

My ADHD makes it almost impossible
For me to pass my test because it's so stringent. It's always stupid little things as well like approaching too slow because I am being cautious (despite it being safe in that moment to be as slow).

That's why I am nervous, because I am told repeatedly that despite my manoeuvres being "safe" they are wrong. It doesn't fucking help.

I'm going to try automatic (no, there will never be a situation where I have to drive a manual randomly for a family
Member or stranger in a car I wouldn't be insured on anyway and I don't care how "fun" manual cars are to drive etc etc etc Hmm) and if I don't pass I'm giving up.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 13/02/2022 12:27

@MollyQueenOfSocks

My ADHD makes it almost impossible For me to pass my test because it's so stringent. It's always stupid little things as well like approaching too slow because I am being cautious (despite it being safe in that moment to be as slow).

That's why I am nervous, because I am told repeatedly that despite my manoeuvres being "safe" they are wrong. It doesn't fucking help.

I'm going to try automatic (no, there will never be a situation where I have to drive a manual randomly for a family
Member or stranger in a car I wouldn't be insured on anyway and I don't care how "fun" manual cars are to drive etc etc etc Hmm) and if I don't pass I'm giving up.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to try with an automatic. I prefer them, especially in city traffic.
OP posts:
campion · 13/02/2022 12:30

@lucylucyapplejuicy
Have you thought about getting a driving instructor to take you on motorways for a few sessions? That might help.

First time I drove on a motorway I had someone very experienced talking me through it and she really helped my confidence. The main thing is being alert and aware that the traffic is moving faster - but it's all going the same way and there are no roundabouts, crossroads etc etc to worry about. I bet you could do it with some encouragement!

JuergenSchwarzwald · 13/02/2022 12:30

@lucylucyapplejuicy

I'm one of these women! Won't drive on the motorway or anywhere I don't know the way to. Really wish I could break through whatever it is holding me back but I'm just terrified Blush
The motorway bit I completely understand.

But the worst that can happen if you get lost/go the wrong way is that you have to turn around.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to try with an automatic not only reasonable but sensible. Nobody will have manuals soon as hybrids and electric cars are automatics (except for the "mild hybrid" but they are a flash in the pan).

Momicrone · 13/02/2022 12:30

I don't think it's pathetic to have a fear of something that is inherently dangerous

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 13/02/2022 12:32

@Nidan2Sandan

Driving on a motorway is so much easier than driving through towns or cities. I dont understand the fear.
It's getting on and off and switching lanes that makes it scary I think. The speed too. Maybe a bad experience of people not allowing you space will also heighten the fear. It takes a lot of practice I think.
OP posts:
EllaDuggee · 13/02/2022 12:36

I went through a period of being scared of driving , which I have now gotten over as I didn't want my DC to miss out on activities or for my DH to be burdened with it all as my family are a long wày away. I also hated the restriction to my independence. It took a couple of refresher lessons and just making myself do gradually more challenging journeys, i.e. short motorway journey then longer ones etc . I think motorway driving is a lot easier than local driving as once you're on the motorway all you do is occassionally change lanes. So it can be done if you have the right incentive. The reason I was scared is because I had a couple of accidents just after I passed my test, no one was hurt but I was at fault and I lost faith in myself and worried I could seriously hurt someone. Nothing to do with men. After a long break I went back to it and cautious but safe these days. Still rubbish at parallel parking though.
I do think men being the default driver is often why women end up nervous - my sister is v. Competent but never goes on motorways as her DH insists on doing all motorway driving. I think some women get out of the habit of certain types of driving as DH's always do it and that then becomes a mental block to them in their minds and limits them.

ChristopherTracy · 13/02/2022 12:37

Eh? Why? Because driving in this country in unenjoyable and can be actively dangerous so it can be natural to avoid it as much as possible.

Unfortunately it is one of the skills that does require repeated practice, especially motorway driving so then it all becomes a bit of a vicious circle.

Plus some of us are often dealing with enough family/work/health stress that we dont want to add another one in when it isnt necessary.

FloBot7 · 13/02/2022 12:39

Perhaps I'm an extreme example but it's because I watched my uncle, brother and two cousins die after being hit by a lorry. There was absolutely nothing my uncle could do to avoid it, it just suddenly veered into his lane. I was 12 and two cars behind with my parents when it happened.

Wordlewords78 · 13/02/2022 12:39

I think your op is far too judgemental op. People have different aptitudes. I have a friend who is a fantastically skilled artist who is too afraid to get behind the wheel. Personally, I think it's a sensible decision to stay off the road if you don't feel you are safe out there.

Driving doesn't come naturally to me but I forced myself to learn. I am now reasonably competent but I don't like doing it. We are not all the same. And women, owing to their physical strength and size as compared with men, are more vulnerable if they break down in a remote area etc. There is no point in pretending otherwise.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 13/02/2022 12:51

all the comments about how cross Jeremy of Johnnie would be about a scratch or a parking ticket

I am sure this does also play a role - people (men) are so previous about their cars obviously they don't scratch the cars so it's their stupid womenfolk who do. So the women are too worried to drive more than the school run or to the supermarket.

Fortunately my DH isn't like that.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 13/02/2022 12:52

preCious not previous!

lucylucyapplejuicy · 13/02/2022 12:52

@campion

You are so right it is something I should look into! I get so annoyed at myself for letting it hold me back it is something I will definitely look into 

@JuergenSchwarzwald
DH drives an automatic, maybe I will ask to try that and see if I find it any easier!

OP I must say I do hope my friend and family don't consider me pathetic! I have lots of other good qualities I just lack confidence when I comes to driving, a lot of that is possibly down to a crash I had a couple years back when me and DD were seriously hurt, we were actually very lucky but I always think how much worse It could of been (this was the other drivers fault, young lad, smoking while driving & on phone). Also the few occasions I have driven on motorway with DH in car it's ended in tears (mine) after his road rage or criticism of my driving.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 13/02/2022 12:53

@Momicrone

I don't think it's pathetic to have a fear of something that is inherently dangerous
No and if some of the reckless men had a bit more fear it would probably be better for all of us!
ThanksItHasPockets · 13/02/2022 12:59

But then I don't get the ' my car' 'his car' thing either. We have 2 cars, different sizes, and use whichever one suits that particular journey/need.

What a strange thing not to 'get'. I have a car that I chose, paid for, maintain etc, and it is my car. DH has likewise. We are each insured on the other's and share the driving on long journeys.

Comedycook · 13/02/2022 13:02

I honestly think some men feel emasculated if they are sitting in the passenger seat whilst their wife is driving.

RampantIvy · 13/02/2022 13:05

I live rurally and travel on motorways and drive to large towns etc, but on the handful of times I've needed to drive in cities I've found it incredibly stressful.

I find city driving stressful as well. I use my satnav when I drive to Leeds because I don't drive there often enough to remember my way around. The road system to the East of Leeds is very confusing, and it is easy to get into the incorrect lane because the queue of cars in front cover the direction arrows. Add to that the roadworks at York Road so there are different diversions every time I visit.

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