Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

[unfeelingwife]

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

I hope you grow more of an empathetic attitude to other women soon, OP.
It might be a 'thing' associated with women, but as I work in mental health, I can assure you that there are plenty of men who are nervous, only it either plays out differently (eg. aggression) or don't feel comfortable talking about their anxiety behind the wheel. Perhaps in our society it's more easy for women to talk about it, whereas men feel they have to be seen as 'strong'.

Also, from a personal perspective, I've driven all over the world, regularly drove on motorways and love the freedom driving gives me. I'm now in peri-menopause and one of the surprising effects was nervousness around driving. Can't explain it. Still make myself do it, but if DH wants to drive, I jump at the chance and some days, I just don't feel comfortable.
But I still do it.
So, you may be incredulous at the choices of other women, but remember......this might happen to you. I hope you are surrounded by people with support and empathy, rather than people who tell you to 'woman up' FFS.

Im not sure how the just do it thing works for people who have been doing it and got less and less confident over time so eventually stopped.

@Herani

I hope you grow more of an empathetic attitude to other women soon, OP. It might be a 'thing' associated with women, but as I work in mental health, I can assure you that there are plenty of men who are nervous, only it either plays out differently (eg. aggression) or don't feel comfortable talking about their anxiety behind the wheel. Perhaps in our society it's more easy for women to talk about it, whereas men feel they have to be seen as 'strong'.

Also, from a personal perspective, I've driven all over the world, regularly drove on motorways and love the freedom driving gives me. I'm now in peri-menopause and one of the surprising effects was nervousness around driving. Can't explain it. Still make myself do it, but if DH wants to drive, I jump at the chance and some days, I just don't feel comfortable.
But I still do it.
So, you may be incredulous at the choices of other women, but remember......this might happen to you. I hope you are surrounded by people with support and empathy, rather than people who tell you to 'woman up' FFS.

Yeah it could happen. If anyone then calls me pathetic, so be it. I have lots of limitations in my life which you have no idea about, people also call me pathetic for those. Other times people are supportive, sometimes they're not. Such is life.

Sometimes I don't need to be pandered to and actually people telling me to woman up helps me. Some posters on this thread have also said thanks for reminding them to get on with it. Different strokes for different folks.

It all depends on the situation and sometimes womaning up, is the only way to go. Sometimes you need a sympathetic ear. But constant pandering to everyone's fears doesn't always work.

I had a nervous patch when the DC were tiny. It coincided with the point where I had driven about 100,000 miles. I had a couple of lessons with a view to taking the advanced driving test. Didn't get round to it in the end. However, the instructor told me that people often had a wobble from about 80,000 miles because it was the point where their driving experience gave them the ability to anticipate danger.

I'd recommend the advanced driving test or at least some lessons for those who feel anxious or undermined.

I wonder also if the size of car has something to do with feeling anxious. DD has an i10 but whilst it drives beautifully and is simples to park, I do feel a bit nervous next to an articulated lorry.

Very occasionally I will use dh's wankmobile. A few times I've chattered to the cashier, dropped my trolley token, had a big chap pick it up for me and ask if I need help lifting the bags. I'm 62. Chap then clocks me getting into the wankmobile, even better if they are parked next to it and they are agog as I rev up the 4.6L, V8 engine . I couldn't give two hoots about the car and find it rather tiresome but I do enjoy those moments.

If I had a penny for every time I heard someone say they were nervous and overcame it and has no idea why their particular experience isn’t universal and doesn’t just magically apply to everyone.

Maybe because it is true for the majority of drivers?

The first time I drove on a motorway I had no idea I was going to. I was being directed by a work colleague who just said "turn right here", and before I knew it I was on the slip road to the M1 in Leeds. Fortunately it was fairly quiet.

Also, in my case I have to drive. DD is at university 2 hours away, and there is no way to transport all of her stuff unless I hired a man with a van. DH's memory issues means that he can't drive anywhere unfamiliar.

I know more men than women who don’t drive at all, but only women saying they CAN drive but won’t in certain circumstances. Can’t understand it either OP. Am married to a non driver so I understand how limiting it can be for the whole family .

I’d be surprised if a comparable discussion between men would result in a conclusion that they all needed to be more empathetic.

I don’t see what difference empathy makes practically speaking.

What would really make a difference is more women feeling empowered to learn to drive and getting the right kind of teaching and sufficient practice to end up as competent, non-anxious drivers.

Yanbu, I live on a country lane and have female relatives who won't visit alone because of the 'driving down that lane'. The whole lane is wide enough for two-way traffic, but in my experience, it's always women who cause the issues by driving down the middle and expecting others to back up to pull over as apparently they cannot drive at the edge of the road.

What would really make a difference is more women feeling empowered to learn to drive and getting the right kind of teaching and sufficient practice to end up as competent, non-anxious drivers.

I agree.

Are men generally more spatially aware @TicTacHoh?

@TatianaBis

There are a surprising number of women on these forums who don't drive and are thus dependent on their partner for lifts, particularly if they live rurally and the public transport is poor. It's often cited as a factor in limits of employment options. And a common scenario is that the poster or one of their kids is seriously ill, they don't drive, DP's not home and the hospital is 20 miles away.

So I would encourage all women to have lessons when they're young if they can afford it (appreciate that it is very expensive to learn). If they nervous drivers it is really important to practice driving a lot because that is what will make them more confident.

As the partner of someone who can’t drive I agree. It’s also very stressful on the only driver… have to drive everywhere on holiday, can never have a drink etc. If I go out for the evening then everyone is stuck at home, the kids can’t do activities etc. All heavy shopping has to be done by me, extended family care… I could go on. My kids are getting lessons at 17

As the partner of someone who can’t drive I agree. It’s also very stressful on the only driver…

A friend's DH wouldn't learn to drive just because he didn't want to. He was a school caretaker, and used to cycle the 3 miles to work along a bridleway. One year late at night he got a call to say that the school Christmas tree lights had been left on and could he go in and switch them off. My friend had to get her small DD out of bed to run him to the school so he could nip in and switch the lights off.

The weather was awful and cycling along a dark rural and very muddy bridleway was not an attractive option.

@RampantIvy

What would really make a difference is more women feeling empowered to learn to drive and getting the right kind of teaching and sufficient practice to end up as competent, non-anxious drivers.

I agree.

Are men generally more spatially aware @TicTacHoh?

Possibly, I have no idea.

Everyone should practice however, it's not fair to make someone reverse hundreds of yards back round corners and bends because you can't drive up to required standard. If you're not confondent, practice somewhere quiet.

*confident

Wonder how many of them have had a dad/boyfriend/husband/male sat in the passenger seat criticising their driving at some point (or continually) which has had a cumulative effect on their confidence on the roads, when combined with acts of road rage from other road users, and non-courteous driving inflicted on them?

I'm pretty sure that this is the reason that my friend hardly drives. I sat in her car once when her DH was in the passenger seat (due to a broken leg) and not only did he constantly criticize her, he yanked the wheel whenever he thought she wasn't turning quickly enough to his liking. It was really scary and she drove worse and worse. She does drive occasionally when she is alone with me, and then she drives well enough. Whenever she goes somewhere with her DH or anyone that is his family or friend, she "is too anxious" to drive. No wonder.

Nice supportive post OP

@unfeelingwife jolly good, well done, you win at being brave 🤷‍♀️
I drive but actually not on motorways for reasons I’m not going to go into on here. DH does that and I do stuff that he doesn’t do. It’s fine, it works for us

@THisbackwithavengeance

Because their DHs do the real driving on the big roads and they just pop to the shops, do the school runs, and occasionally drive home when the DH fancies a drink.

So they lose any confidence they had in themselves in the 1st place and their skills become diminished due to lack of practice.

I agree OP. It irritates me how the default position in most couples is for the man to drive.

This^^

I can't get my head round why some women allow this to happen. Why wouldn't you share the driving on long, or even short, journeys? To drive confidently you need to experience all types of roads and conditions regularly.

But then I don't get the ' my car' 'his car' thing either. We have 2 cars, different sizes, and use whichever one suits that particular journey/need.

I just think that women are more likely to admit when they are nervous, but also that men are more aggressive in general, and my God driving nowadays is aggressive!
I first learned over 25 years ago and it was a totally different experience. The pandemic, among all the other daily things it has ruined, has definitely made driving worse. People very rarely drive with manners now, give way when they should, indicate, drive for conditions. It’s just a non stop angry face-off . I love the technical aspects of driving, love the feeling of being in control of the car, but I hate normal driving now and I have every sympathy with people of either sex who just can’t face it.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if as a country we had low cost reliable public transport everywhere??Then the roads would be nicer for people who want to drive and there wouldn’t be a stupid two tier society when non drivers are made to feel second rate and have to spend 3 times longer getting anywhere.

I'm a confident driver.

Problem with people avoiding doing things like motorways, night or winter driving is you never build confidence. I learned almost a full year so was with my instructor in all weathers, my dad took me out too so I could do more roads at different times of day.
I have had a couple of crashes while driving but no injuries, other crashes as s passenger with no more than minor whiplash. My mum has had some bad no fault crashes and was understandably a little nervous getting back behind the wheel for a while after each.

I can't get my head round why some women allow this to happen. Why wouldn't you share the driving on long, or even short, journeys? To drive confidently you need to experience all types of roads and conditions regularly.

I agree. One year a drive down to cornwall took us 9 hours. It would have been incredibly unfair to make one person do all the driving. DH and I always share long journeys.

But then I don't get the ' my car' 'his car' thing either. We have 2 cars, different sizes, and use whichever one suits that particular journey/need.

I think sometimes people do this to keep insurance premiums down. We are both insured to drive each other's cars, and like you we just use whatever is on the drive or which one suits our requirements better. Mine is a 4WD so it gets used a lot in winter as we live up a hill on the edge of the Pennines.

I think some people (men and women) attach too much importance to having a car. I never would have been able to buy a house if I hadn't given up on owning a car. Thankfully I just accepted that I couldn't do both. These threads are eye-opening, the judgement.

We wouldn't have chosen to live where we do if we didn't drive @mUserBot9to5. If we lived in the middle of a city with excellent public transport I doubt whether we would have a car either.

Interested in why it matters so much to people - incredible judgement just for something that doesn’t fit with how you do things. Pretty sure the fact that I tend not to drive on motorways has zero negative impact on others

When dh was working all the hours (leaving before 7am/home at 9.30pm) he bought himself a GWizz and a parking space in Central London. He could get to work in 20 minutes if he left early and often had v heavy bags to lug). The extra 40 minutes each way were worth the expense.

WTF is "super pathetic" ?
Stupid language.